Transformer Movie???

Stefen · July 03, 2007, 11:51:45 AM

The thing that worries me about this movie is the cheese factor. I want the transformers to be taken seriously, and I'm not going to be able to do that if they are spouting off "I'm Rick James, bitch!" or "Wasssuupp" or any other highly topical catchphrase. If it has any of that stuff (and I hear it does) I'm setting this roof on fire, the roof, the roof is on fire.

Imagine if in the last crusade indy says "Don't have a cow man!" or "Ayatolla Assaholla!" It might have been fun at the time but not LATER.

It's like before Phantom Menace came out, and hearing that Jar Jar Binks passes gas at one point in the film.

B.C. Long · July 03, 2007, 03:21:41 PM

When I heard the transformer Jazz (obviously the black autobot) say "What's up, bitches." it was almost enough to make me walk out of the theatre. Almost.

Stefen · July 03, 2007, 03:43:16 PM

Fuck outta here. Does that really happen?

Ghostboy · July 03, 2007, 03:44:17 PM

That was the point it gets bad stupid. He says a lot more than that. And also breakdances.

SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER

Also, he's the only tranformer who dies.

mogwai · July 03, 2007, 03:52:41 PM

Quote from: B.C. Long on July 03, 2007, 03:21:41 PM
When I heard the transformer Jazz (obviously the black autobot) say "What's up, bitches." it was almost enough to make me walk out of the theatre. Almost.

god damn spoiler!

grand theft sparrow · July 03, 2007, 04:30:31 PM

That's not a spoiler, that's fair warning.

ponceludon · July 04, 2007, 06:38:42 PM

I'll probably be banned for saying so, but Michael Bay dialogue notwithstanding, Shia LeBoeuf is a funny guy. I think he has good comic timing and good delivery, and manages to actually make the crap he was saying funny.

I agree with Ghostboy though, I didn't think I'd like any of it, but the first bit, before the Autobots introduce themselves, was pretty interesting. There are a million plot holes and idiotic things in the movie that I could list and it would be ten pages long, but I guess if you set your standards REALLY REALLY low, you are pleasantly surprised.

The whole military plot line was totally unnecessary though, and I thought I was going to implode from the patriotic cheese.

B.C. Long · July 04, 2007, 09:16:28 PM

Quote from: ponceludon on July 04, 2007, 06:38:42 PM
I'll probably be banned for saying so, but Michael Bay dialogue notwithstanding, Shia LeBoeuf is a funny guy. I think he has good comic timing and good delivery, and manages to actually make the crap he was saying funny.

I honestly agree. He's actually one of redeeming qualities about Transformers. And dare I say it's because of him I didn't completely hate this movie. Well that, and the amazing CGI.

Stefen · July 04, 2007, 09:38:23 PM

So, I saw it.

It started out really good and I remember thinking "Those guys just don't know how to have fun" in reference to P and Hacksparrow.

Then they started talking. Ugh. It went all downhill from there.

It could have been the most BADASS movie ever made if they would have just taken it seriously. It was just too much. Their fucking autobots, and their transforming. Rinse, repeat, ad deceptinasueam.

The worst was these two fucking fanboys we had in our theater. One directly in front of me, and the other directly behind me. The one in front of me was just a bitter fanboy. Complete with thinning hair, robust waistline, and thickass bi-focals, and he kept talking through the whole thing like "Ugh, they ruined it! I am going to write a letter!" Shut the fuck up asshole.

Then the dude behind me was one of those guys that has really big teeth and an even louder laugh. And he kept explaining to his friends what was happening, and then this dickhead would clap whenever an action scene happened. This asshole yells "WOOOOO" at the top of his lungs when Optimus is like "You and me Megatron! Be preapred to handle the realness!" Then when the Armageddon reference was made, this guy tells his friend "HAHAHAHA the same guy that directed this movie directed Armageddon. He's so awesome!"

I was about to punch them both in the face. When the latter fanboy was going nuts, I even turned around to his friend and went "Is he alright? What the fucks his problem?" And his friend just puts his hands up like "my hands are full"

It started out so good too. I hope Turturro, Voight, Tyrese, The ugly chick Shia has a crush on that looks like she had scars all over her face, Anthony Anderon, the other dickhead military asshole, and even Hugo Weaving never get work again.

Shia was alright. She was actually the best thing about it if you ask me. No beef with her.

Bay doesn't even like making movies. He does it cause it's his job. It's a 9 to 5 for him. He has no passion.

And fuck Spielberg too.

Ravi · July 04, 2007, 09:57:46 PM

Am I the only one who hasn't seen this 140 minute toy/GM commercial?

Stefen · July 04, 2007, 10:09:57 PM

Quote from: Ravi on July 04, 2007, 09:57:46 PM
Am I the only one who hasn't seen this 140 minute toy/GM commercial?

I don't know the numbers it did, so maybe.

I knew it was going to be awful. But I went anyways hoping it would at least be fun in a cheesy, big explosion kind of way. And it wasn't even that.

Kal · July 04, 2007, 11:07:44 PM

biggest tuesday ever...

havent seen it yet... but will go for sure soon

pumba · July 05, 2007, 02:02:52 AM

spoilers:

I can't wait to buy the toy of the mountain dew transformer.

polkablues · July 05, 2007, 03:18:34 AM

Quote from: kal on July 04, 2007, 11:07:44 PM
biggest tuesday ever...

But that's easy when you're the first movie in the history of history to open on a fucking Tuesday.

I haven't seen it yet, but I'm taking my girlfriend to the drive-in on Sunday and it's one of the movies playing. So I'll have seen it, technically, but don't ask me to remember anything about it.

B.C. Long · July 05, 2007, 09:28:22 AM

Quote from: Stefen on July 04, 2007, 09:38:23 PM
The ugly chick Shia has a crush on that looks like she had scars all over her face

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Did you really think she was ugly?