Invictus

[MacGuffin]

Trailer here.

Release Date: December 11th, 2009 (limited)

Starring: Morgan Freeman, Matt Damon, Bonnie Henna 

Directed by: Clint Eastwood 

Premise: The true story of how Nelson Mandela joined forces with the captain of South Africa's rugby team, Francois Pienaar, to help unite their country.

[Gold Trumpet]

And here I thought I was done being interested in the sports movie as a social commentary engine. Remember the Titans and Glory Road are puerile feel goods for the adult Disney lover, but this looks appealing because a well put together story with decent actors can make for something worth watching (Yes, I like Matt Damon)

I still wish these weren't the only sports movies being made. I know some of you look down on the decade, but the 1980s were the golden age for sports movies.

[pete]

what happened to the accents?

ping pong is my favorite sports movie.  watch ping pong.

[Gamblour.]

what happened to the accents?

I thought Matt Damon's sounded alright. This looks ok.

[Pubrick]

the accents are about the only thing this movie does right.

this piece of shit would be laughable if it wasn't so boring and predictable. some movies are bad in such boring conventional ways that it's really difficult to describe without being boring yourself, but here goes:

the overall idea of the film is ridiculous and rarely strikes a believable note. even tho it's a true story it seems no one in the film itself believes it ever happened. what it tries to establish, what the movies WISHES it established, is a symbiotic relationship between mandela and the rugby captain (call him damon). but the transfer of "inspiration" between mandela and damon entails one meeting in his office and then later sending him the poem the movie takes its name from. once we hear the poem it is repeated about fifty times, especially the final two lines "i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul" or some shit like that, which provides the final lines of the film (in voice over. no spoiler cos you'll be asleep by that point, i'm just filling you in on what you missed.)

every single fucking time mandela talks, he gives a speech. i'm not kidding. and it's not cos the film constantly tries to create a scenario where he has to give a speech to a group of ppl, which it does as well. it's like that even in mundane conversation, he only ever speaks as if he's quoting from a speech. he talks in quotes, not dialogue. i feel sorry for freeman cos he was born for the role but there is nothing at all to praise in his performance.

there is ONE good scene in the film, where the rugby team goes to coach a bunch of black kids. as the film summarizes REPEATEDLY, rugby back then was the white man's sport and soccer was the blacks, but despite the fact this is never elaborated beyond that simple statement in numerous variations, there is this one scene where they are clearly playing with real kids. it looks and feels real and you get the feeling they're using SPORT to change kids lives here by pretty much teaching them how to DREAM in a different way. that's all nice and good but what i've written right now is more developed than anything the film approaches.

back to hilarious bad scenes:
there's one scene where mandela visits the team as they train, by landing his helicopter on their field.. okay but as he flies there the soundtrack is taken over by this RIDICULOUS song -- how would you describe it, it's like new age contemporary rock, pussy ballad kinda thing, is nickelback well known there? it sounded like nickelback.. and the key lyric that plays as the helicopter lands is something like... "oooh yeah ...i'm COLOUR BLIND."

the only time mandela is not speaking in speeches or speech-bites is when he's saying good luck to the players before a match. he says this to every single player in the south african side, as well as every player in the opposing team. we see every time he says it. he does this for more than one match. he does this even when they're not playing a match, when he meets them at the training field.

it doesn't matter really that you, as americans, don't know shit about rugby,. i don't even like it but living in australia you can't really function without knowing at least the basic rules. even if you know what's going on in the last hour, which is pretty much all rugby, you wouldn't really give a shit. there's no tension in any of the matches, even tho the final game was probably a really heartstopping thing to watch, it's not communicated well at all. the fact that the players are looking at the timer in the last seconds of the match as it counts from 9mins 55secs to 9:56, 9:57, 9:58, 9:59 and then to 10:00 makes absolutely no sense. they had already won by then (they win in extra time -- true story!). it's not like the other team had any chance of scoring in those last few seconds, ppl were just basically standing around,. it's just bizarre.

probly more to say, but if you take anything from this review, i hope it's to consider this and The Blind Side for worst films in your last minute Xaxie nominations. i will not be reviewing the blind side.

[hedwig]

hahah that sounds horrible enough for a highlight reel.

2009 was an okay year for racist white guilt movies. this, blind side, princess and the frog. paul haggis needs to make a comeback.