Xixax Film Forum

Something I felt like posting. It still needs some fleshing out but the shell is there.

SOMEWHERE IN A UNIVERSITY (BUT NOT IN A DORM ROOM)

GUY
Hey! Looking forward to the uhh.. competitive event?

GIRL
The..? Oh! Oh yeah. Sure, I guess.

GUY
Good because I, uh. Really. Really. Want to impress you.. in it.

GIRL
Well I.. look forward to it.

(They both try to walk in different directions and keep cutting each other off and eventually leave.)

SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE UNIVERSITY (BUT STILL PRETTY CLOSE TO THE OTHER PLACE)

GUY
Ohhh! Darn!

GUY'S FRIEND
.. What?

GUY
I told that, uh. Girl over there that I would do well in the competitive event.

GUY'S FRIEND
What's the problem?

GUY
Well I'm not very good at those sort of things. Jeez.. I just wanted to impress her and I didn't know what else to do.

GUY'S FRIEND
Hey. You can be good at things. Just stop doubting yourself. This great guy once said "if you doubt.. don't doubt yourself".. I think.

GUY
Well.. okay. I guess that makes sense.

GUY'S FRIEND
Well if you think so, then probably.

GUY
Okay!

AT THE EVENT

GUY #2 notices GUY putting on the competitive helmet and gloves.

GUY #2
Hey! You're not as good as me at competitive events! Therefore, I am going to win. So why did you even bother to come if this is the case??! Which it is!

GUY
Well. I don't think what you just said is entirely true.. and I don't think the way you said it was that good, either.

CROWD
Oooooooooooh.

GUY (encouraged)
In fact, I think several people are almost, if not just as good as you at certain events.

IN THE CROWD

GIRL
Hey! It's that guy who's trying to impress me!

GIRL #2
Really?

GIRL
Yeah.

GIRL #2
Oh... how's he doing?

GIRL
Well.. he showed up, I guess.

(GUY hears her in the distance)
GUY
Hooray!

(he runs through the crowd in slow motion and they hug awkwardly, their bodies not touching. GUY'S FRIEND can be seen clapping lightly. They stop hugging.)

GUY
Let's go eat something.

GIRL
Fine.

EPILOGUE:
They did and it was okay.

TITLE: THAT WAS THE MOVIE.

Thanks

it's        !

pretty crap!

How can I make it more pretty?

Thanks

anytime i read someting that starts with something like:

Int. Dorm Room


i usually stop reading

I was uhh.. unimpressed. Darn!

The..? Oh! The dialogue is terrible and, uh. immature? Maybe?
And it. reads like an After School Special. or worse.

I, uh. Really. Really, don't think you wanted a serious critique.

My suggestion for fixing the problems: take out all the words and put in new ones.

QUOTE
____________________________
[You don't want a serious critique ]
_______________________-____

No please be serious.

Thanks

P.S squints Does that mean you didn't read it? If you didn't and you get this message please do.

As a script, it works somewhat as a parody of scripts.  As a short film, it would not work as anything of anything.