...
i think you like pta
Quote from: ewardi think you like pta
And cutting to: things.
I'll admit, I didn't finish reading this yet, but a few thoughts on the opening scene:
*You have 10 cuts in a matter of seconds, why? Shouldn't you set up everything so that the hallway/living room & stairs, JD, dinner table/kitchen counter, phone, et al are all in the frame (the way I picture it, anyway). Instead of cutting to show the phone, then JD's reaction, and cutting some more, why not make most of it one long cut? I imagine you already had a place picked out for this thing, but the way the space seems handled here annoys me.
*The dialogue between Mia and Grady is good, seems natural enough to me.
There was another thing about: "[JD] tosses the towel on the bench. the camera follows the tea towel and holds on it." It bothered me for some reason.
This is semi-autobiographical, isn't it?
Quote from: flagpolespecialobviously that isn't in the script..and most of the 'direction' is played out in my head.
On the contrary. The 'direction' is all over the script, with notes.... and camera directions. It distracts the read. Unless the camera placement and cuts are integral to the story, keep all that to yourself and discuss it when the time comes with the DP and editor.
Quote from: flagpolespecialunfortunately. this film lacks a plot.
First rule: Story first. When you have to give a story and theme synopsis in the first notes.... you aren't relying on the script to tell the story.
Quote from: flagpolespecialyou could be right. though, i wouldn't exactly assoiate the script with pta's work cept for maybe..the title. the push ins..the tracking shots.. and say 'how's today then?' 'fucking bullshit is what is it'
If you read PTA's scripts, they aren't so technical heavy and aren't detailed in the staging of what the actors will do and how to play the scene. He leaves that up them.
Quote from: MacGuffinIf you read PTA's scripts, they aren't so technical heavy and aren't detailed in the staging of what the actors will do and how to play the scene. He leaves that up them.
Reread Boogie Nights.
I don't have much of a problem with technical aspects being written into a screenplay, mostly if the person directing the script is the writer.
Quote from: Weak2ndActQuote from: MacGuffinIf you read PTA's scripts, they aren't so technical heavy and aren't detailed in the staging of what the actors will do and how to play the scene. He leaves that up them.
Reread Boogie Nights.
Reread my post again.
And...
Quote from: MacGuffinUnless the camera placement and cuts are integral to the story, keep all that to yourself...
PTA's moving camera directions play into the scene. What flagpole seems to have done is list his camera shots into the script.
Quote from: MacGuffinQuote from: Weak2ndActReread Boogie Nights.
Reread my post again.
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Ooh, snap!
Sorry, couldn't resist.
Quote from: MacGuffinQuote from: Weak2ndActQuote from: MacGuffinIf you read PTA's scripts, they aren't so technical heavy and aren't detailed in the staging of what the actors will do and how to play the scene. He leaves that up them.
Reread Boogie Nights.
Reread my post again.
Okay, and...?
I didn't say non-existant. The sluglines are the majority of a couple sentences. The technical aspects aren't near the extent of what flagpole has written.
who gives a shit what pta 'would think'.
mac gave sum good pointers, the script is very hard to read. it's not helped by the fact that there is no story. why would u want to make sumthing that goes nowhere and takes a long time to get there?
...
Quote from: flagpolespecial
'why would u want to make sumthing that goes nowhere and takes a long time to get there?'
why does any film-maker make any film? there is a whole lot of crappy cinema out there for you to watch. you may not want to, that doesn't stop it being made. you don't have to watch it.
a lot of filmmakers make films because they have a unique or important
story to tell...watch out with what you've said though...it seems like you've just denounced your script to "crappy cinema"
dude, chill out...sorry people didn't like your script. you'll write better ones in the future.
Quote from: flagpolespecialyou guys sit around here picking at each others posts...why?? to prove you know more? that you're never wrong?? your opinion is the only right one?
And that's the difference right there. You see what I wrote as a bashing. I thought I was giving constructive critisism. I wasn't the only one who thought the directing and camera notes got in the way of reading the script.
Quote from: ranemaka13*You have 10 cuts in a matter of seconds, why?
Quote from: Pubrickthe script is very hard to read.
You asked for advice. We gave you some. Why are you so offended?
If you don't believe that story comes first, then fine. But did you ever think that that's why you're having trouble with the script?
Quote from: flagpolespecialrather recently i've been sitting around completely void of emotion.
Judging by the recent posts, I'd say that has changed.
Quote from: flagpolespeciali don't feel like i have the energy to write a new script at the moment.
And it seems you are lazy in rewriting this one. It seems you you want some sort of vaildation that this script is good enough to continue:
Quote from: flagpolespeciali did change the dynamics of the film into a second draft in my head but never wrote it down. now, a few months later i know there are things that need to be changed. and by posting it here i thought i could re-ignite my interest in the story.
A writer cannot lack energy. You say you know the "formatting" is wrong, so why not fix it? (I think our definitions of formatting are different however.) You know that things need to be changed so change them. That's how you "re-ignite" your interest. You either believe in your story, or you don't.
Quote from: flagpolespecialwhy does any film-maker make any film?
Because they have a
story to tell. (As Pedro also said on the previous page.)
Quote from: flagpolespecialthoughts would be appreciated.
Apparently they are not.
In the end, I really don't care now because I thought I was helping you out, but I guess that I'm wasting my time. Good luck to you.
Quote from: Pubrickit's not helped by the fact that there is no story. why would u want to make sumthing that goes nowhere and takes a long time to get there?
Especially if
there is the point. It's great to make a movie that's not story-based, but then it probably shouldn't be character-based either. At least not in the conventional sense.
And really, if (like MacGuffin suggests) you're burned out on this script and it's all too overwhelming to revise, just start something new, and forget about living up to other people's standards. Write something that you've never seen. You might be surprised... it might feel less laborious than rehashing something that doesn't seem to inspire you.
Quote from: flagpolespeciali'm just saying for every film and every style of film...there's a market
Just out of curiosity, what style is your film and what market does it fit into?
Quote from: flagpolespecialyou guys sit around here picking at each others posts...why??
u spent half ur post reacting to my use of 'would think' over 'would feel', so u tell me.
i was only echoing the sentiments of many ppl in this thread, and even urself since u admit the script ain't much. u can't expect ppl to see a GOOD FILM in a bad script. i'm sure ur style will rock our socks but the script doesn't reflect that. so i'm sorry we didn't like ur script. and i'm sorry u seem to think i'm the only one saying this.
this thread:
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i don't even need to label anyone
That was truly beautiful.
I am enamoured with your skill at coming up with the perfect thing at the perfect time.
Or, to put it another way: omg lol
Quote from: sickfinsi don't even need to label anyone
Except the guy peeing in the road in the third panel. Who's that supposed to be?
It's a man with a urine-shaped cane.
It's supposed to be me.
That's not funny.. :(
To be honest, I kind of appreciate the frankness of this forum. I've posted a few scripts on here and no one hesitated to let me know I'm not that great a writer (while pointing out the strong points of the script as well). I never thought I was, but I appreciate that they didn't just go 'It's gold, man, its gold." and let me go off and try to make something that would eventually suck. If you just want people to pat you on the back, you picked the wrong forum. There are a lot of really great writers here and the bar is pretty high.
Quote from: Pedro the Alpaca
dude, chill out...sorry people didn't like your script. you'll write better ones in the future.
http://www.xixax.com/viewtopic.php?t=6886
Thanks Nostradamus.
sickfins should design album covers.
sickfins should be a band name.