Wurther's Original commercial

Started by SoNowThen, October 07, 2003, 09:41:38 AM

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SoNowThen

October 07, 2003, 09:41:38 AM
One day in film school, being very bored (supposed to be working on pre-production of one of their stupid, boring short films by one of my fellow hacks), myself and a few fellows sat down to the old Apple computers they had given us for typing and reports. Discovering, to my great excitement, that these were some of the early "talking" computers, I decided to have a little fun. So this commercial was born, and achieved something of a mythic status around the school. You know what I'm talking about, right? The computer voice (like in Fitter, Happier) that pronounces everything monotone (my name Sean is said "see-un" by a computer). Well, you can slow it down and make it raspy like an old man. So you have to imagine the character in this commercial has that voice. And picture him like the little mad scientist in the wheelchair, from Nightmare Before Christmas. And his little Grandchild is crawling away, in the darkness, underneath a table...

Enjoy.

----

"Come here, Sally, and sit on Grandpa's lap. Grandpa has a present for you. It's in his pants. Ahhhhh. Put it in your mouth and I'll give you a Wurther's Original. Ooohhhhhh. Ahhhhhhhh. You are Grandpa's little chicken. Uuughhhhh....

.... don't tell Mom what we did."

Sally crawls away into the darkness, and Grandpa tries to get after her, but the old wheelchair is faulty, and shakes and creaks as it lurches forward. Grandpa bumps into the table, and Sally gets away.... for now.


* But it's best if you read it and imagine that voice in your head *

:-D
Those who say that the totalitarian state of the Soviet Union was not "real" Marxism also cannot admit that one simple feature of Marxism makes totalitarianism necessary:  the rejection of civil society. Since civil society is the sphere of private activity, its abolition and replacement by political society means that nothing private remains. That is already the essence of totalitarianism; and the moralistic practice of the trendy Left, which regards everything as political and sometimes reveals its hostility to free speech, does nothing to contradict this implication.

When those who hated capital and consumption (and Jews) in the 20th century murdered some hundred million people, and the poster children for the struggle against international capitalism and America are now fanatical Islamic terrorists, this puts recent enthusiasts in an awkward position. Most of them are too dense and shameless to appreciate it, and far too many are taken in by the moralistic and paternalistic rhetoric of the Left.

Newtron

#2
October 07, 2003, 10:13:09 AM
What the fuck?

Raikus

#3
October 07, 2003, 10:31:35 AM
Wow! That was so not funny.

Kudos.
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands, with all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.

Cecil

#4
October 07, 2003, 11:02:14 PM
aaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaahhaahaha

SoNowThen

#5
October 10, 2003, 09:39:09 AM
I got a new commercial. I'm quite the ad wizard. Really, I should have gone into marketing...

Don't forget to imagine that computer voice.


"Come here, Sally, and sit on Grandpa's lap. Grandpa has a present for you. It's in his pants. Ahhhhh. Put it in your mouth and I'll give you a Klondike Bar. Ooohhhhhh. Ahhhhhhhh. You are Grandpa's little chicken. Uuughhhhh....

.... don't tell Mom what we did."
Those who say that the totalitarian state of the Soviet Union was not "real" Marxism also cannot admit that one simple feature of Marxism makes totalitarianism necessary:  the rejection of civil society. Since civil society is the sphere of private activity, its abolition and replacement by political society means that nothing private remains. That is already the essence of totalitarianism; and the moralistic practice of the trendy Left, which regards everything as political and sometimes reveals its hostility to free speech, does nothing to contradict this implication.

When those who hated capital and consumption (and Jews) in the 20th century murdered some hundred million people, and the poster children for the struggle against international capitalism and America are now fanatical Islamic terrorists, this puts recent enthusiasts in an awkward position. Most of them are too dense and shameless to appreciate it, and far too many are taken in by the moralistic and paternalistic rhetoric of the Left.

Cecil

#7
October 10, 2003, 10:45:24 PM
ha ha

(sorry, im a sad mood)

Alethia

#8
October 10, 2003, 11:28:12 PM
i don't ever want to see a commercial you do.  ever.

pookiethecat

#9
October 11, 2003, 12:32:28 AM
Quote from: SoNowThen

"Come here, Sally, and sit on Grandpa's lap. Grandpa has a present for you. It's in his pants. Ahhhhh. Put it in your mouth and I'll give you a Klondike Bar. Ooohhhhhh. Ahhhhhhhh. You are Grandpa's little chicken. Uuughhhhh....

.... don't tell Mom what we did."

reminds me of the part in 'I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings' when Maya gets raped, one of the sickest book scenes ever.

i take it your just posting this to get a rise out of people?  if so, job well done though i dont' think people are falling for it and getting outraged enough probably for your liking.

oo well.
i wanna lick 'em.

Ghostboy

#10
October 11, 2003, 01:13:30 AM
Quote from: SoNowThen"Come here, Sally, and sit on Grandpa's lap. Grandpa has a present for you. It's in his pants. Ahhhhh. Put it in your mouth and I'll give you a Wurther's Original. Ooohhhhhh. Ahhhhhhhh. You are Grandpa's little chicken. Uuughhhhh.... don't tell Mom what we did."

Quote from: SoNowThenI'm not quite sure I understand, does this mean that he outlawed some baby killing? 'Cause that's what it sounds like he did, but I don't really know what "partial birth" means. But if it is indeed more baby killing, then I'm glad he outlawed it. I pine for the time when people didn't like to kill babies. I guess I'm just old fashioned that way...

SoNowThen

#11
October 11, 2003, 05:35:02 PM
Hahaha. Top is wonderful in-joke between film school friends, bottom is me being deadly serious and such.

But c'mon, really, there is humor in child molestation, comedians just haven't tried hard enough yet.  :?

The beauty of this is imagining peoples' faces when they first read it. That hushed silence, followed by the "that's stupid", then promptly followed by the "that's fucking sick".

Hehehehehehehehehehe.... I didn't offend anyone, did I? Too bad, btw, if I did. Must we be serious here all the time?
Those who say that the totalitarian state of the Soviet Union was not "real" Marxism also cannot admit that one simple feature of Marxism makes totalitarianism necessary:  the rejection of civil society. Since civil society is the sphere of private activity, its abolition and replacement by political society means that nothing private remains. That is already the essence of totalitarianism; and the moralistic practice of the trendy Left, which regards everything as political and sometimes reveals its hostility to free speech, does nothing to contradict this implication.

When those who hated capital and consumption (and Jews) in the 20th century murdered some hundred million people, and the poster children for the struggle against international capitalism and America are now fanatical Islamic terrorists, this puts recent enthusiasts in an awkward position. Most of them are too dense and shameless to appreciate it, and far too many are taken in by the moralistic and paternalistic rhetoric of the Left.
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