Please read and tell me what you think.......

[pookiethecat]

Well, Im am a teenager

me too.  i think xixax has a big teen population.  and it has a big impact on our ideas, which tend to be more urgent and emotion-based.  

i'm in the same place as you pretty much (see my thread).  i don't want to sound cliche-ridden- but don't get discouraged and keep working at it.

[Ghostboy]

Hey man -- I finally read it and I liked it. So it's a short scene, an exercise in argumentative dialogue, and it's a little angsty -- that's fine, I think you did a really good job. It flows well, and I can imagine it sounding real. The only part I didn't like was where Brandon starts crying -- he seemed to morose to break down like that. Maybe I'm reading too much into a short exchange, but in any case, good work and keep it up.

[Vile5]

i liked it! but i think it would be funnier if it would be shorter, but what i really liked is the fact that the insecure one is the guy and not the girl, and if i would be Shannon i'd hang up on him anyway, maybe she is really falling in love .

[Witkacy]

The fact that you're a teenager is quite amazing.  Write within the scene, then write within a certain context.  I won't coment on specifics.... it's all a process.

[soixante]

One of the maxims of screenwriting is "show, don't tell."  It is preferable to convey information visually rather than through dialogue.  However, if something is dialogue-heavy, sometimes what characters don't say can carry as much weight as what they actually say.  Or what they say can be an ironic counterpoint to how they actually feel.

In the telephone conversation, it might be helpful to give the girl a bit of business to do while talking.  Maybe she's flirting with someone else while she's on the phone, or maybe she's flipping through a magazine while talking.