a movie about classical music, egos, and phallic symbols

[pookiethecat]

i'm really into classical music.  so i wanted to make a movie with a glimpse into the classical music world and that would use some good cello music.

basically the movie's about this cellist (teenager) who lives kind of a highly stylized life.  he puts on a suit but doesn't go anymore.  he's incredibly narcissistic, rich, and aware of his objects- including his cello bow.  when he goes to an audition, his bow is stolen right before he's about to go on.  this is embarrassing based on how meticulous and organized and almost patrick bateman-ish he is, and the girl that he's trying to impress (also a cellist) is not at all amused.  so he has to leave the audition and frantically searches everywhere eventually giving up.  eventually what happens is he loses his grip on his narcissistic focused egotistical regime.  and so he stops practicing (because he can't).  he turns on Ginuwine not Jacquelyn Du Pre.  He is self-loathing.  His bow is gone (think of what the bow represents in Freudian terms).  

Eventually, he goes to school and finds himself being used and abused by people because of his new weakness.  It is revealed that the girl who he liked is also the one who tried to steal his bow.  she gives it back to him realizing how deeply damaging stealing it was to his entire persona.  in the end, he learns to gain his self-esteem back but at the same time without being such a shallow prick.  i think the last shot should be a shot of him playing his cello with his bow.

i think this movie is about an environment that hates anyone who is determined and successful- we as humans want to innately bring them down.   and how the major challenge is to be successful and confident without turning into an arrogant prick, or how to be genuine and cool without being a weakling.

i also think this movie is about how we can rely on our passions to cover up for our weaknesses.  in the main character's case, he relies on his vices (eating, not showering, and being obsessed with the girl) that accompany his own waning mental condition to sort of pull him through.  

i think it's about falling from grace...and yeah, i've talked enough about this.

tell me what you think about it.

also, should the audience know that the love interest stole his bow from the beginning or should that be a big secret?

[metroshane]

I think it has enough to be a great short...but not quite a feature.  Also, maybe the cello isn't the best in the world, but the bow is.  He's so narcisistic that he buys the best bow for a cheap cello.  

Oh, yeah, If you have to explain how phallic the bow is, then something is missing.  Find a way to show it.  And no, we shouldn't know she stole the bow until the end.

[ElPandaRoyal]

I think it has enough to be a great short...

Agreed. I like youre idea very much, but don't think it would fully work as a full feature. But hey, if we're wrong, prove us wrong   I love the idea that an object can change one's life . Thought about something like that myself, but failed to develop it properly. I say... try to write it.

[pookiethecat]

thanks guys.

i apologize for not clarifying: it IS supposed to be a short- under 10 minutes.

the bow is going to be phallic without my explanation.  it will be quite apparent.  

and you shouldn't know that she stole it in the end, eh?  the reason i question that is that i heard someone say "don't fuck with your audience, let them in on the secret from the beginnning"  but i still think it would work good as a twist (as you said).

at any rate, thanks !  anyone else feel compelled enough to offer some criticism/insight ?

[molly]

pookie, did you read any psychology books, or do you just guess?

[Gamblour.]

It does sound like a good idea. But when I read the subject of the thread, I thought, "They already made A Clockwork Orange."  

[Ghostboy]

I personally think it would be more interesting if the audience knew from the beginning who took the bow. Or if you do have the twist, have it occur closer to the middle of the film than the end, so that the film doesn't end up being ABOUT the twist.

Are we going to find out why the girl took the bow in the first place? Is she pissed at him for being narcissistic? Is she trying to get attention? Perhaps an encounter between them early in the film could establish her motivation.

[pookiethecat]

I personally think it would be more interesting if the audience knew from the beginning who took the bow. Or if you do have the twist, have it occur closer to the middle of the film than the end, so that the film doesn't end up being ABOUT the twist.

Are we going to find out why the girl took the bow in the first place? Is she pissed at him for being narcissistic? Is she trying to get attention? Perhaps an encounter between them early in the film could establish her motivation.

i agree about the movie not being about the twist.  then again, as much as i'm trying to make this movie deep, it still has to be appealing and offer a cool punch at the end.  i agree though...i shouldn't rely too much on the twist.  it should work on several levels.

i thought about establishing that the girl is sort of a less rich, hippie free spirit, and play with the audience preconception that just because she's lower class that she's somehow "purer"...and so i'll subvert that notion by showing how she herself has many weak characteristics: such as wanting to destroy this kid based on her own attraction/jealousy: (her motivation).

i think the audience will identify with both characters.  the girl initially and then the guy.  i think they're both essentially "good" people though.  

do you guys think its necessary to have only 1 character with all of our sympathies?  or can it work effectively as 2 characters with both our sympathies.  can that flipflop between protoganist to antagonistic work effectively?  or should i re-conceive this as just the main character being likable throughout and the girl being mean throughout?

help needed.  my thoughts are getting jumbled.

[Ghostboy]

All of these directions you've mentioned could effectively lead to a very good film, depending on how you wrote it -- I don't think anyone could give you some any truly good constructive suggestions based simply on a synopsis, though. Why don't you try writing a rough draft, just to get the thing out on paper, and then we can give you feedback on that? Just try one of those routes --  get those ten pages out and see where it goes from there. Writing it might actually answer some of the questions all by itself.

[pookiethecat]

First scene of dialogue: Zack and Sarah are flirting while walking into a cello audition. Zack has the upper hand.

Sarah: Zack, I have to ask you a question

Zack: Doubtful.  You just want to talk to me

Sarah: Did you figure out the time signatures on the Rimsky-Korsakow excerpt

Zack: You mean the 6/4?

Sarah: Right that part.

Zack: Basically, it goes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.  So every quarter note is an eighth note triplet, essentially.

Sarah: I thought it was maybe that.   But you know, you get really confused and I just wasn't too sure...

Zack: (interrupts) Alright?

Sarah: Alright

Zack walks away from Sarah.  Sarah desperately tries to gain his attention- again...

Sarah: Are you ready?

Zack: Yes. (smiles) My fingers are stiff from practicing...And I think I have rosin residue in my hair

Sarah: Your hair got messed up? Devastating!  

Zack: Yep, pretty tragic.  Like your face.

Sarah: Witty...You should be a comedy writer not a cello player

Zack: Right...

Sarah: I'm sure they make more money.

Zack: Money, eh?

Sarah: Yeah, look at Bruce Vilanch.    

Zack: You mean that disgusting redhaired blob that writes shitty jokes for Whoopi Goldberg?  Faggot

(Sarah stops dead in her tracks)
Sarah: Insult fat people and the gay community in one stab.  You *are* an asshole

Zack: But a lovable one.

Zack goes into the bathroom (to apply some last minute hair gel, we find out later).  Sarah is left outside.

[pookiethecat]

pookie, this sucks.  really really bad.

-pookie

[Ghostboy]

Well, it doesn't suck, but it's not necessarily good either. The way you described Zach in the synopsis made me think that he was an A-hole in a more reticent fashion (I was thinking of the way Max acted towards Sarah when he first met her in Rushmore) The way you've written it, he's such a jerk that you're going to have to do a really great job in winning our sympathies for the character in under ten minutes. Although if you intend the scene and both characters to be played to the hilt, in an almost over-the-top fashion, the snideness could come off more humorously.

[pookiethecat]

Montage of Zack playing the cello (reg font) in his house inercut with him being narcissistic/materialistic at a cello shop (italics) during which we only hear his end of the conversation with the salesman.  Open to improvisation.

Zack adjusts his tie
Zack: I am Zack.  I am a cellist.

Zack: See, my concern is, is this real horsehair?

Zack sits down, pulls out his bow, black

Zack: Do you have this in black?

Zack plays his cello but looks at the mirror at the same time

Zack: It's all about how you look these days in classical music.  

He takes the rosin and rosins his bow while looking at himself in the mirror.

Zack: Thanks, sir.  You've been extremely helpful

Zack practices vigorously and is sweaty.  He feels the sweat on his head and is disgusted.  CUT TO Zack coming out of bathroom, hair wet, in pajamas.  Just took a shower.  He lays in bed and opens up the Virtue of Selfishness by Ayn Rand.

Fade to Black and thus the Title sequence.

[Ghostboy]

Good intro. I'd lose the line where he says its all about image, because in his previous two lines, you've already established that in full, but other than that I think you've provided a very deft introduction to the character.

[pookiethecat]

Social Butterfly- scene 2-rough drfaft.  

Zack walks into the cello audition with a crowd of people.  He's popular.  He excuses himself from the group of kids and walks over to Sarah, who's doing some last minute cramming before the audition.  

Sarah:
You're quite the social butterfly

Zack:
I know I know.  It's crazy.  People just like me for some reason.  What are you looking at?

Sarah:
The 6/8 passage

Zack:
You mean the part with all the triplets?

Sarah:
Yeah

Zack:
I practiced that for hours.  With my new bow.    

Sarah:
You got a new bow?

Zack:
Oh my God; it's so cool

Sarah:
Yeah. Mine's kind of old and not-so-great... I hate this passage!

Zack:
Cramming isn't good.  If you don't know it now, you won't know it when you got out there.  You're better off not freaking yourself out (extends hand on her shoulder)

Sarah:
I know

Zack:
Rimsky-Korsakow is just so...

Sarah:
Hard?

Zack:
Yeah, for lack of a better adjective.

Sarah:
But he wrote such amazing music.  It's stirring and dangerous.  Very sensual, I think.

Zack:
You're making me nervous

Sarah:
Don't be.  What's the worst that can happen?

Zack:
What?

Sarah: You don't make it, it's not a big deal


Zack:
Well, yes and no

Sarah:
How?

Zack:
This audition is pretty important to me...

Sarah:
Is it? (intrigued)

Zack:
Well yeah.  I just bought a new bow.  It would suck if I didn't get in and had to waste my newly bought bow on practicing private lesson music, wouldn't it?

Sarah:
Oh, I guess you're right.  I thought maybe you meant something else.

Zack: I do.  Music is ...really important.  It's so..."sensual" as you said.

Sarah:
Is that hair gel in your hand?

CUT TO NEXT SCENE (Zack is applying hair gel)