Vicky Cristina Barcelona

[72teeth]

wow... this promotion work so much better with this movie than it did for 'No Country'...

or

and as for the other member of this smoking hot threesome, you guessed it:

Frank Stallone

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[matt35mm]

That reeks of Poochy-style desperation.

"Catch you on the flipside, dudemeisters!"

[MacGuffin]

Excerpts From the Spanish Diary
By WOODY ALLEN; New York Times

JAN. 2

RECEIVED offer to write and direct film in Barcelona. Must be cautious. Spain is sunny, and I freckle. Money not great either, but agent did manage to get me a 10th of 1 percent of anything the picture does over $400 million after break even.

Have no idea for Barcelona unless the story of the two Hackensack Jews who start a mail-order embalming firm could be switched.

MARCH 5

Met with Javier Bardem and Penélope Cruz. She's ravishing and more sexual than I had imagined. During interview my pants caught fire. Bardem is one of those brooding geniuses who clearly will need a firm hand from me.

APRIL 2

Offered role to Scarlett Johansson. Said before she could accept, script must be approved by her agent, then by her mother, with whom she's close. Following that it must be approved by her agent's mother. In middle of negotiation she changed agents — then changed mothers. She's gifted but can be a handful.

JUNE 1

Arrived Barcelona. Accommodations first class. Hotel has been promised half star next year provided they install running water.

JUNE 5

Shooting got off to a shaky start. Rebecca Hall, though young and in her first major role, is a bit more temperamental than I thought and had me barred from the set. I explained the director must be present to direct the film. Try as I may, I could not convince her and had to disguise as man delivering lunch to sneak back on the set.

JUNE 15

Work finally under way. Shot a torrid love scene today between Scarlett and Javier. If this were a scant few years ago, I would have played Javier's part. When I mentioned that to Scarlett, she said, "Uh-huh," with an enigmatic intonation. Scarlett came late to the set. I lectured her rather sternly, explaining I do not tolerate tardiness from my cast. She listened respectfully, although as I spoke I thought I noticed her turning up her iPod.

JUNE 20

Barcelona is a marvelous city. Crowds turn out in the streets to watch us work. Mercifully they realize I've no time to give autographs, and so they ask only the cast members. Later I handed out some 8-by-10 photos of myself shaking hands with Spiro Agnew and offered to sign them, but by then the crowd had dispersed.

JUNE 26

Filmed at La Sagrada Familia, Gaudi's masterpiece. Was thinking I have much in common with the great Spanish architect. We both defy convention, he with his breathtaking designs and me by wearing a lobster bib in the shower.

JUNE 30

Dailies are looking good, and while Javier's idea to add a massive Martian invasion scene complete with a thousand costumed extras and elaborate flying saucers is not a very good one, I will shoot it to make him happy and cut it in the editing room.

JULY 3

Scarlett came to me today with one of those questions actors ask, "What's my motivation?" I shot back, "Your salary." She said fine but that she needed a lot more motivation to continue. About triple. Otherwise she threatened to walk. I called her bluff and walked first. Then she walked. Now we were rather far apart and had to yell to be heard. Then she threatened to hop. I hopped too, and soon we were at an impasse. At the impasse I ran into friends, and we all drank, and of course I got stuck with the check.

JULY 15

Once again I had to help Javier with the lovemaking scenes. The sequence requires him to grab Penélope Cruz, tear off her clothes and ravish her in the bedroom. Oscar winner that he is, the man still needs me to show him how to play passion. I grabbed Penélope and with one motion tore her clothes off. As fate would have it she had not yet changed into costume, so it was her own expensive dress I mutilated. Undaunted I flung her down before the fireplace and dove on top of her. Minx that she is, she rolled away a split second before I landed causing me to fracture certain key teeth on the tile floor. Fine day's work, and I should be able to eat solids by August.

JULY 30

Dailies looking rather brilliant. Probably too early to start planning Academy campaign. Still, a few notes for an acceptance speech might just save me some time later.

AUG. 3

I suppose it comes with the territory. As director one is part teacher, part shrink, part father figure, guru. Is it any wonder then that as the weeks have passed, Scarlett and Penélope have both developed crushes on me? The fragile female heart. I notice poor Javier looking on enviously as the actresses bed me with their eyes, but I've explained to the boy that unbridled feminine desire for a cinema icon, particularly one who wears a sneer of cold command, is to be expected. Meanwhile when I approach the set each morning bathed and freshly scented, between Scarlett and Penélope there is a virtual feeding frenzy. I never like mixing business with pleasure, but I may have to slake the lust of each one in turn to get the film completed. Perhaps I can give Penélope Wednesdays and Fridays, satisfying Scarlett Tuesdays and Thursdays. Like alternate-side parking. That would leave Monday free for Rebecca, whom I stopped just in time from tattooing my name on her thigh. I'll have a drink with the ladies in the cast after filming and set some ground rules. Maybe the old system of ration coupons could work.

AUG. 10

Directed Javier in emotional scene today. Had to give him line readings. As long as he imitates me he's fine. The minute he tries his own acting choices he's lost. Then he weeps and wonders how he'll survive when I'm no longer his director. I explained politely but firmly that he must do the best he can without me and to try to remember the tips I've given him. I know he was cheered because when I left his trailer, he and his friends were howling with laughter.

AUG. 20

Made love with Scarlett and Penélope simultaneously in an effort to keep them happy. Ménage gave me great idea for the climax of the movie. Rebecca kept pounding on the door, and I finally let her in, but those Spanish beds are too small to handle four, and when she joined, I kept getting bounced to the floor.

AUG. 25

End production today. Wrap party as usual a little sad. Slow danced with Scarlett. Broke her toe. Not my fault. When she dipped me back, I stepped on it.

Penélope and Javier anxious to work with me again. Said if I ever come up with another screenplay to try and find them. Goodbye drink with Rebecca. Sentimental moment. Everyone in cast and crew chipped in and bought me a ballpoint pen. Have decided to call film "Vicky Cristina Barcelona." Studio heads have seen all the dailies. Apparently they love every frame, and there is talk of opening it at a leper colony. It's lonely at the top.

[matt35mm]

Holy fucking shit dude.

[hedwig]

that was hilarious. aug 3 was my favorite.

[w/o horse]

It is Vicky Christina Barcelona's misfortune that I only recently rewatched The Royal Tenenbaums, a movie that similarly features a love triangle, feature length voice over narration, and artistic and idiosyncratic characters. Its misfortune because otherwise I would not have had a perfect model of solutions for all the movie's problems.

I don't not like a Woody Allen movie. I like Barcelona even. It's just that I think the way for example people might be insulted by the way a writing staff trying to capture mid-20s apartment life will vomit out Friends is similar to the 73 year old Allen writing about the youth culture today. His storytelling skills are sharper than ever, but it's exactly because he clings so unreasonably and so previously uncharacteristically to his plots that this film and Match Point are failures. A great character needs room to breathe and live, and especially a great Allen character, because Allen is capable of writing great characters, and he's capable of effortlessly exposing the mundane idiosyncrasies of people in an amazingly entertaining way (even through running gags, which Barcelona does have a great example of ("In this house you speak Spanish")), and when that talent is suppressed it creates a far more traditional and superficial film.

Allen covers for this by adding a pretentious voice over that is supposed to elevate the bland love triangle and fortify the interior mysteries of the leads. Which is what you do when a film doesn't work, you add a voice over to explain what the audience wouldn't otherwise understand.

Allen has his own solutions. As far back as Manhattan he was cleverly exploring his aging, in fact his filmography is full of great and aging characters, including even recently in Scoop and Anything Else (if Anything Else isn't an overall great movie it's not because of Allen's character, who I think is one of the funniest and most likeable of Allen's incarnations). Barcelona feels like a mixture of being talked down to and being missunderstood. He can write films like this one the rest of his life and they'll be good, but they won't be great like Sweet and Lowdown was, and they won't be honest like Deconstructing Harry kind of is.

[Stefen]

Did Wes Anderson just inadvertently fuck Woody Allen in the ass? 

[72teeth]

Did Wes Anderson just inadvertently fuck Woody Allen in the ass? 

Now there's a promotion i wouldn't mind winning...

[©brad]

this was just lovely. superb performances (penelope takes the cake), well-written, beautifully photographed. woody and team bathe everything in this warm light that, while certainly romanced, i ate up like candy. and the music! the hell with therapy, all you need is some spanish guitar. ahhh what'd i give to spend a summer, hell, life, trotting about europe, sans phone or itinerary, drinking wine, making art, getting lost. that dinner scene with Vicky, her dunce husband and the new york couple really hit home. i loved how he faded out the conversation and brought up the music there.

and the last shot was just awesome.

[New Feeling]

and the last shot was just awesome.

absolutely.  so much sad resignation.  it's what put this movie over the top as the best thing I've seen so far this year.  Good work Woody. 

[pete]

I liked it.  gorgeous people acting out what is essentially one man's realization about love.  it was simple, but not so cynical because the romance was actually convincing and steamy and fun to watch.  so.  good for them all.  especially for penelope - her before and after was really fun to watch.

[modage]

i did not like this.  scarlett johannsson is a terrible actress in woody allen's movies. 

[tornado]

she really is, not that there were many opportunities for her to shine in this. i think she keeps starring in his movies because she insists on being old-school glamorous in every shot (even though she's supposed to be playing an ultimately clueless american in this and scoop), which excites allen since it reminds him of a time that he understands, back when his movies weren't like swipes in the darkness of his bedroom.

but really i thought this was way better than anything he's done in a loong time. it was actually engaging and didn't try too hard to be contemporary (ugh, i'm thinking of "anything else" and how it was like a nightmare "annie hall"), with the characters just functioning as general archetypes... annoying at first, but once that's understood and accepted, it became a kind of movie of ideas, like a good play, which worked for me and felt open enough that i was thinking about love and relationships all the way home rather than the movie itself.

i went with two female friends who were bored and hated it though, so who knows. i guess i certainly wouldn't want to see it a second time.

and hi! i'm tornado. 

[p.s.] i thought the last shot was dumb. "things are back to how they used to be...golly, will this mixed-up world EVER learn?" when your movie ends the same way as crash did, i think you've made a slight mistake.

[pete]

I don't think scarjo is terrible - she's playing young dumb girls - maybe not as sultry as one looks for in a dumb blonde, but she gets the job done.  I don't think the audience is to fall for her in either vicky cristina or match point.

[picolas]

scarjo has turned out to be terrible. it took me a while to admit this to myself. i don't know what happened.

ps. have not seen this.