'Jack Isn't There' final script

[Recce]

I think I've finished this script I've been working on. I plan to shoot it early this summer. Feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

"Jack isn't There"
by David Di Francesco
Sequence A:
EXT. BUS STOP, NIGHT:
A cold winter night. Jack sits on a bus stop bench. He looks a bit depressed and bored. A man in his early twenties comes up and sits beside him. Jack examines him closely. He seems to be looking for something. The man tries to ignore him, and is more than happy to get on the bus when it arrives. Jack stays, sitting on the bench. He takes a glance at his watch, gets up, disappointed, and makes his way across the street.
CUT TO:
EXT. OUTSIDE OF RESTAURANT, NIGHT:
Jack walks across the street towards a little restaurant. He reaches the door and opens it.
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT, NIGHT:
Jack enters the restaurant. He walks to the counter, where a young man is waiting.
JACK
Can I use the bathroom?
WAITER
You gonna buy anything?
JACK
Come on, man, I really gotta go.
The waiter gives Jack an annoyed look, then reaches beside the cash register and dangles a small key in the air. Jack grabs it, but gets a violent flash of the waiter being shot and killed. He hesitates for a moment, regaining his bearings. He leans on the counter, looking at the waiter.
JACK (CONT'D)
So, uh, you been working here long?
WAITER
What?
JACK
Have you been working here long?
WAITER
Why?
JACK
I just wanna know.
WAITER
What, like... a year, why the fuck do you care?
JACK
Still live with your parents, huh?
WAITER
Get the fuck outta here!
Jack hesitates for a moment.
JACK
Well?
WAITER
GET THE FUCK OUT! Give me the key back.
Jack takes a deep sigh.
JACK
Have a good life, dude.
Jack throws the key back on the counter. He makes his way to the front door.
CUT TO:
EXT. OUTSIDE RESTAURANT, NIGHT:
Jack exits the restaurant and makes his way down the street. A few seconds later, a young man enters the restaurant. Once inside, he pulls a gun on the waiter. Jack continues walking. The gunman is getting more and more agitated.
CUT TO BLACK:
OPENING CREDITS
CUT TO:
Sequence B:
INT. PROJECTION BOOTH, NIGHT:
Jack is sitting in near darkness.
JACK (V.O.)
13/01/03. General log.
Look at them. Going about their pointless lives. I wonder what they would say if they knew the truth.
CUT TO:
INT. PROJECTION BOOTH, NIGHT:
A projector being threaded.
CUT TO:
INT. PROJECTION BOOTH, NIGHT:
JACK (V.O.)
You see, we have even less control over our lives then is generally known. Everything is mapped out for us. There's really nothing we could do. If we're meant to die, we die. It's that simple.
CUT TO:
INT. PROJECTION BOOTH, NIGHT:
A film being spliced.
CUT TO:
INT. PROJECTION BOOTH, NIGHT:
JACK (V.O.)
There's just something about death. Not the stupid movie death you see day in, day out. Real death. That one, final moment is the ultimate human experience. It's what binds all human beings together. It's our destiny. All our destinies. We can't escape it. So why should we be afraid of it, so why shouldn't we talk about it like any other topic of conversation?
CUT TO:
INT. PROJECTION BOOTH, NIGHT:
Another projector being threaded.
CUT TO:




Sequence C:
EXT. STREET CORNER, DAY
Jack is standing behind a bus stop booth. He spies over across the street to a young man, walking on the side walk.
CUT TO:
EXT. TRAIN STATION, DAY
A quick flash of the young man being hit by a train.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET CORNER, DAY
The young man walks at a normal pace, with no particular rush in his pace. From across the street, Jack runs to catch up with the man, lets call him John. Jack stays a good five or six paces behind John. From his pocket, Jack pulls a tape recorder. He engages the record button.
JACK (INTO TAPE RECORDER)
15/01/03 Possible character log.
(beat)
Caucasian male. Approximately 6'01. A sort of fake style to his mannerisms.
John, hearing Jack's comments, glances behind him. Jack sends him a big smile, quickly hiding the tape recorder behind him. John turns back, blowing him off as a weirdo.
CUT TO:
INT. BAR, NIGHT
A quick montage of John sitting at a bar with an attractive young woman. We then see John coerce the obviously tipsy woman into coming back to his apartment. The woman falls on his bed and fast to sleep. John doesn't let that stop him. He begins to unbutton her shirt.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET CORNER, DAY
Jack waits for a moment, then re-engages the record button.
JACK (INTO TAPE RECORDER)
Cheats on his girlfriend. Popular with women, in a date rape sort of way.
John, hearing the comments once again, stops in his tracks and turns violently towards Jack. He moves up to him and grabs his shirt. Jack, skinny and relatively short, is obviously no match for him.
JOHN
What the fuck are you doing, asshole?
JACK
What d'you mean?
JOHN
Why the fuck... Just shut the fuck up, okay, i mean it
JACK
My, my, can't a guy record his own thoughts on tape anymore?
John hesitates for a moment.
JOHN
I mean it!
John releases Jack, then storms off in a huff towards a train station. Jack stops, watching John walk away. He moves the tape recorder to his mouth and engages the record button.
JACK (INTO TAPE RECORDER)
Special note log...Be less conspicuous.
Jack disengages the record button and turns.
FADE TO BLACK.
FADE IN AUDIO RECORDING:
CUT TO:
Sequence D:
INT. BEDROOM, DAY
Jack sits at a desk with a computer, his tape recorder in hand. He plays a log entry on an old man.
JACK (FROM TAPE)
The man looks sad. His wife has recently passed away. He feels his life slowly spinning out of control. He has no one to be with. He briefly contemplated suicide, but quickly renounced the idea, obviously prematurely. Now his days are filled with emptiness... The old man will die of CO2 asphyxiation. He'll start his car in his garage and go to sleep. Special note: Add old man character to possible victim list of 'suicide club'. End log.
Jack puts the tape recorder down. He pulls up a file on his computer titled "The Suicide Club". He opens it and we see a script. Jack begins typing in the old man's specifications. As he works, the phone rings. Jack stops typing and listens. The phone ring two more times until the answering machine turns on. A young woman's voice comes on.
YOUNG WOMAN (FROM ANSWERING MACHINE)
Jack, it's me, pick up.
Jack still does nothing.
YOUNG WOMAN (FROM ANSWERING MACHINE) (CONT'D)
I know you're there, pick up...Jack, come on... Jack? Ok, I'll be stopping by later this week. I just wanted to tell you. Jack, are you there?
The young woman takes a deep sigh of frustration and hangs up. Jack waits for a moment longer, then goes back to work on his script.
FADE TO BLACK.
End of ACT I, beginning of ACT II
FADE IN:
Sequence E:
INT. JANE'S APARTMENT, NIGHT
A montage of a young woman, Jane, crying on the corner of her bed. This montage is unlike the previous visions. It's slower and clearer. As the montage continues, we get the sense that Jane is suicidal. We see a blade. It is picked up and slowly dragged across malleable flesh. We see blood drop onto a white sheet, staining it immediately. Jane cries and breaths heavily.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM, NIGHT
Jack awakens from a dream. Rather then allow himself to be disturbed or upset, he sits calmly, gathers himself, then reaches over to his night-stand. He pulls out his tape recorder.
JACK (GROGY)
16/01/03 General log entry... What the hell was that? I think I just had a...a dream vision. That's never happened to me before. Usually, I have to be around the vics to get a vision. But this time... What was I saying? Ah, fuck it.
Jack slams back down on his pillow. He drops the tape recorder back on the night-stand. His eyes slowly close and he drifts back to sleep.
FADE TO BLACK.
FADE IN AUDIO RECORDING:
CUT TO:
Sequence F:
INT. JACK'S KITCHEN, MORNING
Jack sits at his kitchen table eating breakfast.
JACK (V.O.)
I wonder if I'll go to hell. I wouldn't think so. I've tried to stop it, stop death. I was so gullible back then. I thought I could save the world. But you know what I found out? It's impossible to change the future...even if you know what's going to happen. People will never react well when you tell them they are going to die. I've gotten the crap beat out of me more times then I can count for trying to help people. One day, when I was in the hospital with two broken ribs and a bad concussion, I realized it wasn't worth it.
INT. JANE'S APARTMENT, NIGHT
A quick flash of the blade on Jane's wrist.
CUT TO:
INT. JACK'S KITCHEN, MORNING:
Jack is thrown off a bit. He sits for a moment as he tries to remember his dream vision.
CUT TO:
INT. JANE'S APARTMENT, NIGHT
Another flash of Jane crying.
CUT TO:
INT KITCHEN, MORNING TO INT. JACK'S BEDROOM, MORNING:
Jack is still sitting at his kitchen table. He has a confused look on his face as he tries to remember his dream vision. He gets up and goes into his bedroom. He comes back out with his tape recorder. He rewinds it a bit, then presses 'play'. We hear the recording on a young man. He rewinds a bit farther and then presses 'play'.
JACK
What the fuck was I saying?
Jack fast-forwards a bit.
JACK (FROM TAPE) (CONT'D)
I think I just had a...a dream vision. That's never happened to me before. Usually, I have to be in proximity of the vics to get a vision..but this time...What was I saying? Ah, fuck it.
Jack stands in the doorway with a pensive look on his face.
CUT TO:
Sequence G:
INT. BEDROOM, NIGHT:
Jack is in bed, sleeping. We suddenly get a flash of Jane. Back to Jack. A blade. Back to Jack. Finally, Jack's eyes open suddenly. He sits up in bed.
JACK
What the fuck! (more pissed off then confused)
He gets up from bed and moves to a window. He stands in boxers and a t-shirt.  
JACK (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Why do I keep having visions about her. I always thought I had to be around someone to get a premonition. Maybe my...powers... are getting stronger. Or I could just be going crazy...Yeah...I'm prob'ly going crazy...End log entry.
He has a confused, half-asleep look on his face. He makes his way back to the bed and slams down on the pillow.
CUT TO:
Sequence H:
INT. JACK'S LIVING ROOM, DAY:
Jack sits, almost sulking, a young woman, probably a bit older then him, sits across from him. Her name is Julie and she is his sister. She holds a can of Pepsi, as does Jack. For a long while, they stay in awkward silence, avoiding eye contact. Finally, Julie speaks.
JULIE
So, how have you been?
JACK
Fine
JULIE
Are you still working at that restaurant?
JACK
No, they fired me. I work as a projectionist now...
More awkward silence.
JACK (CONT'D)
And you? Where are you working now?
JULIE
I'm still at that real-estate place.
JACK
Good, good. (looking away from her, directing his attention to his can of Pepsi).
More awkward silence.
JULIE
Jack... I want you to be honest with me. Okay?
Jack sighs.
JULIE (CONT'D)
Are you still taking your...um...
(tries to find a better word for it but can't)
medication?
Jack sends a stabbing stare in her direction and begrudgingly answers.
JACK
No.
JULIE
I thought the doctor said you'd have to take them for--
JACK
They weren't helping me, so I fired him.
JULIE
You fired your doctor?
JACK
I'm not sick. I know you'd prefer to think that I have some sort of imbalance that's causing this, but that's not true.
JULIE
You think it's normal?
JACK
I didn't say it was normal, but it isn't an illness!
Julie looks down and goes quiet.
JACK (CONT'D)
Christ, is that the only reason you came here? What, you were feeling guilty so you thought you'd stop by and see your insane brother? Does it make you feel better about yourself?
JULIE
I don't even know why I came.
She stands up and makes her way to the front entrance, obviously pissed off.
JACK
That's it, give up on me, Julie.
JULIE
Fuck you, Jack.
JACK
Oh, that's not very nice. It's not my fault, I'm craaaazy.
He screams his last sentence as she slams the door behind her. Jack sits back down. He takes a sip of his Pepsi.
CUT TO:
Sequence I:
INT. PROJECTION BOOTH, NIGHT:
Jack is at work. However, he doesn't seem to be as 'in control' as he usually is. Films are snapping, misframes, scratched prints. His boss yells at him over a walkie-talkie attached to his belt.
BOSS (FROM WALKIE-TALKIE)
Jack, what the hell are you doing up there? Did you fall asleep again?
JACK (INTO WALKIE-TALKIE)
Don't worry about it. I'll have everything working in a minute.
BOSS (FROM WALKIE-TALKIE)
Get your act together, Jack, I got people complaining down here.
Jack mumbles to himself as he attempts to splice a broken film back together. Having done so, he restarts a movie. A loud, buzzing sound of a projector starts up.
FADE TO BLACK.
FADE OUT PROJECTOR SOUND.
End of ACT II, beginning of ACT III
FADE IN:
Sequence J:
INT. PIZZA PLACE, DAY:
Jack sits with a slice of pizza and a pepsi. He looks a bit depressed. We stay on him for a few seconds.
CUT TO:
INT. JANE'S APARTMENT, NIGHT
A montage of Jane's suicide.
CUT TO:
INT. PIZZA PLACE, DAY:
Jack looks up, searching for Jane. He quickly scans the room: Nothing. He is almost about to blow it off as another freak occurrence, until he sees her walk by the front of the restaurant. For a moment, he sits, wondering if he's hallucinating or if she's actually there. Finally decided, he quickly gets up, grabs his coat and flies out the door.
CUT TO:
EXT. PIZZA PLACE, DAY:
We see Jane, already fairly far from the restaurant. In the distance, we see Jack exit the restaurant and bolt after her. He comes up right behind her and stops, matching her pace. He's not sure what to do, what to say.
CUT TO:
RANDOM LOCATIONS
Another montage of random happenings in Jane's life. Her boyfriends death, for one.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE PIZZA PLACE, DAY:
Jack pulls his tape recorder from his pocket. Learning from his previous experience with John, he allows a fair distance between the two to grow. He engages the record button.
JACK (INTO TAPE RECORDER)
21/01/03 General log entry.
I've found her. It's been three days. I would have expected her to be dead by now. Why are my visions different with her?
Jane turns into an apartment building. He waits outside for a moment, trying not to look like a stalker, then, very excitedly, follows in.
CUT TO:
INT. APARTMENT BUILDING, DAY:
Jane moves through the familiar halls of her apartment. She walks up a flight of stairs, as she has done a hundred times before. Never far behind, Jack follows, still trying not to be noticed. Ahead of him, Jane turns a corner. Jack hesitates for a  moment, allowing an appropriate amount of time to pass, then turns the corner, only to find Jane waiting for him.
JANE
Why are you following me?
Her face, devoid of emotion, not really pondering the potential danger of this man...or not really caring. Jack tries to form words, but fails. The two stand for an awkward moment, transfixed as they stare at each other. He tries again.
JACK
I...um...
CUT TO:
INT. JACK'S BEDROOM, MORNING
Jack suddenly wakes, almost jumping out of bed. He releases a frustrated sigh, then gets out of bed. He walks over to his desk and picks up his tape recorder. He engages the 'record' button.
JACK
Okay this is getting fucking ridiculous...
He stops the tape recorder, rewinds it a bit, then reengages the record button.
JACK(INTO TAPE RECORDER) (CONT'D)
26/01/03, General log entry...This is ridiculous. I can't sleep. This woman is driving me crazy. Who is she? Why is she different? Does she really exist or have I finally lost it? I just had another dream. I had found her, but when I confronted her, she turned into an alligator and ate  my testicles..That can't  be healthy.
He puts the tape recorder down, then quickly brings it back up.
JACK (CONT'D)
End log entry.
He brings the tape recorder down. He places it back on his desk and heads down the hall to the washroom.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. BEDROOM, MORNING
Jack is completely dressed, standing next to his bed, putting on his watch. He walks towards the front door.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREETS, MORNING
Jack walks by a pizza place and pauses. He almost missed it, but it is the same restaurant as in his dream. He quickly turns his attention down the street. It is the same. He begins to run in the direction he had followed Jane. A corner is approaching. He hopes that it will present him with the same apartment building. He turns the corner. It is a strange, unfamiliar street. He does not give up, however. He looks around. Across the street from him, the apartment building...Jane's apartment building.  He pauses for a moment. In all probability, this entire debacle is simply caused by a stray memory of walking down this street, some years ago. He continues however. He makes his way across the street and into the apartment building.
CUT TO:
INT. APARTMENT BUILDING, MORNING:
Jack enters the first door of the apartment building. He attempts to enter the second door, but finds it locked. He looks around and finds a series of buzzers for different apartments. He moves his finger down a list of names until he reaches "J. Smith". The only J in the list, he thinks. He presses the white button, holding it for a moment, then releasing it. After an awkward moment, a soft voice comes over the intercom.
JANE(FROM INTERCOM)
Yes?
Her voice trembles and cracks as she speaks.
JACK (INTO INTERCOM)
Is this Jane Smith?
JANE
Yes
JACK
I wonder if I can have a minute of your time. uh. Ms. Smith...
For a moment, there is nothing. Jack stands, not sure what he could say. "Yes, I have visions of peoples impending deaths and I've been getting some of you. Are you suicidal?" A loud buzzer suddenly breaks the silence as the second door unlocks. Jack, surprised that she is actually letting him in, quickly opens the door. He takes one last glance at the list of names. It reads '3A'.
JACK(UNDER HIS BREATH) (CONT'D)
3A...3A.
He begins to make his way down a flight of stairs.
FADE TO BLACK:
FADE IN:
INT. JANE'S LIVING ROOM, MORNING
Jack is sitting inside Jane's apartment. He is holding a can of Coke. Across from him, curled up on a beat up one-seater, Jane sits. They sit in complete silence. Jane stares past Jack with an emotionless face. Jack uncomfortably tries to think of something to say. This is the woman from his visions, from his dreams, he's sure of it. But now that he's here, now that he's in close proximity, he gets nothing. He expected something. Another premonition, some insight into her life.
JACK
The reason I came here...
He hesitates.
JACK (CONT'D)
May I use your washroom.
Jane seems to come out of her daze for a moment. She stares at Jack, perplexed, then points a finger at a door down the hall. Jack sets his drink down on a coffee table and makes his way to the washroom.
CUT TO:
INT. JANE'S WASHROOM, MORNING:
Jack enters the washroom. He closes and locks the door behind him. He quickly reaches into his pocket and pulls out the tape recorder, engaging the record button.
JACK
28/01/03 General log entry.
I've found her. But something's wrong. I'm not getting any visions from her. There doesn't seem to be anything special about her. Maybe...Maybe this is my chance. Maybe she's different because I can change her fate. Maybe she isn't meant to die just yet. Maybe it's my destiny to try and save her. Stop her from killing herself.
CUT TO:
INT. JANE'S LIVING ROOM, MORNING
He stands in front of Jane for a long while as she stares at the ground. He tries to form words.
JACK
I...
He hesitates.
JACK (CONT'D)
I have to go...Sorry to have bothered you.
Jane barely reacts. Jack slowly walks to the front door, looking back at her a few times.  He opens the door and walks out.
CUT TO:
EXT. JANE'S APARTMENT BUILDING, MORNING:
Jack leaves the apartment building and walks down the street in silence. He pulls the tape recorder out of his pocket, engages the 'record' button and brings it close to his mouth.
JACK
28/01/03 Possible character entry.
A young woman. Approximately 5'7, brown hair and eyes. Suicidal after the death of her boyfriend. She was never the same after that incident. Despite her friends understanding and patience, she lost contact with everyone she cared about. She quit her job. Or, more clearly, she stopped going to her job. She dropped her classes, forfeiting her chance at graduating. She all but shut down.
CUT TO:




Sequence K:
INT. JACK'S APARTMENT, AFTERNOON
Jack sits at his desk, his tape recorder in one hand. He is waiting for inspiration to come. He engages the 'Play' button.
JACK (FROM TAPE)
A young woman. Approximately 5'7...and you left her there to die.
Jack quickly snaps out of it. He stares at the tape recorder intently.
JACK (CONT'D)
Hey, I didn't say that(in an accusing tone)
JACK (FROM TAPE) (CONT'D)
She was never the same after that incident. Despite her friends understanding and patience, she lost contact with everyone she cared about...Maybe I should do something to help her? No, no, that would require some courage. Something I'm lacking at the moment.
Jack once again glares at the tape recorder.
JACK (CONT'D)
HEY, I DIDN'T FUCKIN' SAY THAT.
He picks up the tape recorder, clutching it tightly.
JACK (CONT'D)
I didn't say that, you hear me? Play the right recording
JACK (FROM TAPE) (CONT'D)
Fuck you, I'll play whatever I damn well please.
JACK (CONT'D)
I can't help them. Their fates are sealed.
JACK (FROM TAPE) (CONT'D)
Suuuuuuuure, whatever you say.
JACK (CONT'D)
FUCK YOU! (choking the tape recorder.)
The tape recorder emits a ghastly chocking sound. Finally, it takes one last breath and goes quiet. Jack places the tape recorder down on his desk, takes a step back and catches his breath. No sounds come from it. He stands, a bit sad for a moment. He suddenly realizes how crazy that entire scene was. He clutches his head in disbelief.
CUT TO:
INT. JACK'S APARTMENT, AFTERNOON
We see a bottle of pills. Jack takes one and quickly pops it into his mouth.
CUT TO:
INT. JACK'S APARTMENT, AFTERNOON
Jack stands in front of a mirror. He stares at himself, mesmerized, as if it is the first time he has seen himself in years.
CUT TO:
INT. JACK'S APARTMENT, AFTERNOON
A phone book is quickly dropped on the table and opened. Jack turns the pages violently looking for a number.
CUT TO:
INT. JACK'S APARTMENT, AFTERNOON
Jack stands, holding a phone, his finger on a number in the phone book. He slowly dials the numbers. He brings the receiver to his ear. It rings. Finally, a soft, cracking voice answers. It's Jane.
JANE
Hello?
JACK
Jane...Hi...
CUT TO BLACK
CLOSING CREDITS
End of ACT III

[budgie]

I had found her, but when I confronted her, she turned into an alligator and ate my testicles..That can't be healthy.

I love that line!

I got more and more into it, after it felt a bit patchy to begin. Not sure where the Julie scene fits in.

Some of the dialogue is a bit explanatory, I'd cut it and keep it mostly visual. How d'you see the mood?

[Recce]

Well, dark. Not David Lynch dark, obviously, but sort of depressing at times. Not really dark comedy style, but still some funny parts at times.
As for the Julie scene, it's there as a sort of glimpse into his past. I had his past mapped out, but I never developped it in the final script. I kinda like the awkwardness and everything in that scene. It sort of shows what kind of person he is, I think. As for the dialogue, I know some of it is a bit iffy. Though this is pretty much it, I'm waiting for replies from people here and people I've sent the script to for input. I'll make the final changes then. What did you think of the ending, though? I was wondering if it was too...convenient or too fast or whatever.

[budgie]

No, I think the ending is fine, considering it's a short (they usually feel kind of shorthanded to me) and the idea is a big one.

Jack stands in front of a mirror. He stares at himself, mesmerized, as if it is the first time he has seen himself in years.

I think the way you handle this is probably pivotal and could do a lot for making the ending convincing or not. Again, I think you could thin it out and slow it down by losing some of the dialogue, if you are worried still.

[ReelHotGames]

I think you should cut most the dialogue and make it more visual, the dialogue is really pedestrian and not very sharp. The idea is solid, but the VO stuff and early expositions bog it down.

Itr really made me think of all ther bad college shorts I have had to sit through by those trying to flex their artistic muscles and not being able to focus in on what they do well.

I would say from reading this your story is simple and striong, your dialogue is fairly weak and unrealistic and you should either re-write it or let most of it go. Letting go is hard, but usually the best thing you can do.

Good luck with it, I would love to read a re-write.

[Ghostboy]

I agree also with the cutting of some dialogue, but I think the story is good and that it could be a really great short. See how much of it you can convey through visuals, without it becoming confusing; it'll be a good challenge. You do a good job of this in the opening scene...the character's 'ability' is conveyed very well, but not through expository dialogue. See if you can approach the rest of the script in the same way.

I liked the repitition of some of the lines (when he plays them back to himself)...you could come up with some cool Arronofsky style rhythms with that (when I was reading it, in fact, I was picturing Max from Pi).

And this is just semantics, but there were two formatting issues that I couldn't overlook. First, you don't really need to put CUT TO: at every scene change -- the new location implies that. I'd save it for when you have a quick cut to a vision or a dream, etc.

Also, I think it's a good idea to keep the script as subjective as possible, so that it can in some way approximate the final film for the reader. You let it get pretty objective at times, especially towards the end. e.g.

Jack stands, not sure what he could say. "Yes, I have visions of peoples impending deaths and I've been getting some of you. Are you suicidal?"