Author Topic: Something!  (Read 2901 times)

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Julius Orange

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Something!
« on: March 04, 2007, 05:58:51 AM »
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Something I felt like posting. It still needs some fleshing out but the shell is there.

SOMEWHERE IN A UNIVERSITY (BUT NOT IN A DORM ROOM)

GUY
Hey! Looking forward to the uhh.. competitive event?

GIRL
The..? Oh! Oh yeah. Sure, I guess.

GUY
Good because I, uh. Really. Really. Want to impress you.. in it.

GIRL
Well I.. look forward to it.

(They both try to walk in different directions and keep cutting each other off and eventually leave.)

SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE UNIVERSITY (BUT STILL PRETTY CLOSE TO THE OTHER PLACE)

GUY
Ohhh! Darn!

GUY'S FRIEND
.. What?

GUY
I told that, uh. Girl over there that I would do well in the competitive event.

GUY'S FRIEND
What's the problem?

GUY
Well I'm not very good at those sort of things. Jeez.. I just wanted to impress her and I didn't know what else to do.

GUY'S FRIEND
Hey. You can be good at things. Just stop doubting yourself. This great guy once said "if you doubt.. don't doubt yourself".. I think.

GUY
Well.. okay. I guess that makes sense.

GUY'S FRIEND
Well if you think so, then probably.

GUY
Okay!

AT THE EVENT

GUY #2 notices GUY putting on the competitive helmet and gloves.

GUY #2
Hey! You're not as good as me at competitive events! Therefore, I am going to win. So why did you even bother to come if this is the case??! Which it is!

GUY
Well. I don't think what you just said is entirely true.. and I don't think the way you said it was that good, either.

CROWD
Oooooooooooh.

GUY (encouraged)
In fact, I think several people are almost, if not just as good as you at certain events.

IN THE CROWD

GIRL
Hey! It's that guy who's trying to impress me!

GIRL #2
Really?

GIRL
Yeah.

GIRL #2
Oh... how's he doing?

GIRL
 Well.. he showed up, I guess.

(GUY hears her in the distance)
GUY
Hooray!

(he runs through the crowd in slow motion and they hug awkwardly, their bodies not touching. GUY'S FRIEND can be seen clapping lightly. They stop hugging.)

GUY
Let's go eat something.

GIRL
Fine.

EPILOGUE:
They did and it was okay.

TITLE: THAT WAS THE MOVIE.

Thanks
« Last Edit: March 08, 2007, 07:50:39 PM by Julius Orange »
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Reinhold

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Re: Something!
« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2007, 05:21:00 PM »
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it's        !
Obviously what you are doing right now is called (in my upcoming book of psychology at least) validation. I think it's a normal thing to do. People will reply, say anything, and then you're gonna do what you were subconsciently thinking of doing all along.

Pubrick

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Re: Something!
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2007, 08:48:29 AM »
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pretty crap!
endless 'nothing is what it seems'-isms

Julius Orange

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Re: Something!
« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2007, 04:45:12 PM »
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How can I make it more pretty?

Thanks
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squints

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Re: Something!
« Reply #4 on: March 08, 2007, 07:39:36 PM »
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anytime i read someting that starts with something like:

Int. Dorm Room


i usually stop reading
“The myth by no means finds its adequate objectification in the spoken word. The structure of the scenes and the visible imagery reveal a deeper wisdom than the poet himself is able to put into words and concepts” – Friedrich Nietzsche

The Perineum Falcon

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Re: Something!
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2007, 12:01:19 PM »
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I was uhh.. unimpressed. Darn!

The..? Oh! The dialogue is terrible and, uh. immature? Maybe?
And it. reads like an After School Special. or worse.

I, uh. Really. Really, don't think you wanted a serious critique.

My suggestion for fixing the problems: take out all the words and put in new ones.
We often went to the cinema, the screen would light up and we would tremble, but also, increasingly often, Madeleine and I were disappointed. The images had dated, they jittered, and Marilyn Monroe had gotten terribly old. We were sad, this wasn't the film we had dreamed of, this wasn't the total film that we all carried around inside us, this film that we would have wanted to make, or, more secretly, no doubt, that we would have wanted to live.

Julius Orange

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Re: Something!
« Reply #6 on: March 09, 2007, 05:26:00 PM »
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QUOTE
____________________________
[You don't want a serious critique ]
_______________________-____

No please be serious.

Thanks

P.S squints Does that mean you didn't read it? If you didn't and you get this message please do.
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polkablues

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Re: Something!
« Reply #7 on: March 09, 2007, 06:50:20 PM »
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As a script, it works somewhat as a parody of scripts.  As a short film, it would not work as anything of anything.
Now you're in the *spoiler* place.

 

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