Author Topic: Poetry?!?!  (Read 1993 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Gamblour.

  • The Master of Two Worlds
  • *****
  • Posts: 3465
  • Respect: +12
Poetry?!?!
« on: November 10, 2005, 05:22:53 PM »
0
Alright, so back in high school, I went through a big poetry phase, writing lots and lots of it. Looking back, it was ambitious, but not very good. I liked plays on words and interesting rhyme schemes, but the subject matter was so high schoolish.

It's been about three years since I've written one. I wrote this while i was drinking and thinking of a friend. I don't know if it's any good, I just want some feedback on if the imagery is any good. Is it sexy? Is it vivid or evocative? Or none of these? it's funny, there's a few internal rhymes I didn't even plan on, so that's fortunate. Lemme know what you think, again, it's been a while, I'm rusty.

***
For some reason the way your fingernails are cut
As you hold that tiny bottle of Jack
Let's me remember the feel of the skin on your hand.

Yesterday the smell of the movie theater
Combined with the images of skin on screen
Remind me of those long-passed hour glassed grains of sand

Where we'd be drunk and the alcohol on
Our breath was aromatic and the skin of your hands
would wander where the teasing allowed.

The thick flower scent of your hair mixed
with the cigarette smoke of the pub makes me
wish we would leave the crowd

For just a while to be alone, your dress
Falling off your shoulders like loose curtains
Draping over the chair, covering the

Window. Your nape is bare, the skin of your
Chest is reddened with flowing spirits and the
Last of your modesty.

For all the sex in your gesture, your
Eyes are gazing westward, back home, to feel
the skin of your hand on another man.

 
WWPTAD?

Reinhold

  • The Master of Two Worlds
  • *****
  • Posts: 2452
  • Respect: +3
Re: Poetry?!?!
« Reply #1 on: November 12, 2005, 08:14:42 PM »
0
that's not about my halloween pic, is it?
Obviously what you are doing right now is called (in my upcoming book of psychology at least) validation. I think it's a normal thing to do. People will reply, say anything, and then you're gonna do what you were subconsciently thinking of doing all along.

Gamblour.

  • The Master of Two Worlds
  • *****
  • Posts: 3465
  • Respect: +12
Re: Poetry?!?!
« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2005, 11:16:46 PM »
0
hahahaha ......no. or maybe it is :ponder:

That's funny, that phrasing's a complete coincidence.
WWPTAD?

NEON MERCURY

  • The Master of Two Worlds
  • *****
  • Posts: 3853
  • Respect: +16
Re: Poetry?!?!
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2005, 07:31:10 PM »
0
[SIZE=15PT]
WOMAN OF THE YEAR[/U]
[/size]
...A POEM BY THE LAST GREAT AMERICAN MALE

pull your arms back and keep your spine locked tight,
anorexia, miscarriage, and rape are life's beautiful misogynistic pleasentries,
allow me to lay my cock on your tongue and let me bruise you,
shh, shh, shh, quiet...

mogwai

  • Guest
Re: Poetry?!?!
« Reply #4 on: November 27, 2005, 11:50:31 PM »
0
that was lovely. :yabbse-cry:

Reinhold

  • The Master of Two Worlds
  • *****
  • Posts: 2452
  • Respect: +3
Re: Poetry?!?!
« Reply #5 on: December 01, 2005, 12:44:30 AM »
0
Obviously what you are doing right now is called (in my upcoming book of psychology at least) validation. I think it's a normal thing to do. People will reply, say anything, and then you're gonna do what you were subconsciently thinking of doing all along.

mogwai

  • Guest
Re: Poetry?!?!
« Reply #6 on: December 01, 2005, 10:17:34 AM »
0
(this piece of poetry will knock you down)

one day i took a long shite
it didn't bite
one day i shook the presidents hand
he said he liked my band
one day i kissed my wife
every day with her is the perfect life (?)
one day i saw a midget
he began to fidget
one day i smacked a pony
it just got signed to sony
one day i talked to macguffin
we were at a cafe and i bought him a muffin
one day i logged in to this site
it made me take a long shite

 :yabbse-smiley:

Neil

  • The Master of Two Worlds
  • *****
  • Posts: 1118
  • Being genuine just isn't enough these days.
  • Respect: +157
Re: Poetry?!?!
« Reply #7 on: August 31, 2006, 03:30:27 PM »
0
Fuck Poetry.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2013, 02:29:05 PM by Neil »
it's not the wrench, it's the plumber.

Pozer

  • The Master of Two Worlds
  • *****
  • Posts: 2289
  • Respect: +139
Re: Poetry?!?!
« Reply #8 on: August 31, 2006, 05:03:22 PM »
0
kindergarten baby
go stick your head in some gravy

Chest Rockwell

  • The Master of Two Worlds
  • *****
  • Posts: 1596
  • Respect: 0
Re: Poetry?!?!
« Reply #9 on: August 31, 2006, 06:10:04 PM »
0
Well, as the original point of the thread was to comment on gamblor's poem, I'll see if I can do it justice.

I thought it was very sensual, in a way that I can imagine an older, raspier man speak this poem like Beat and it would sound so beautiful. While the subject matter isn't all that clever, especially like the final line, or challenging, it seems perfectly fine in such a straight-forward and bold account. The imagery itself is fairly simple but, again, it seems fitting in this poem. The structure and your use of enjambment are the most interesting aspects, to be honest, which goes into what I saying ebfore about it seemingly just flowing like one would speak it (Frostian, I guess). I give it a  :yabbse-thumbup: Just my two-cents.

It's funny though, I went through the exact phase you describe in highschool. I wrote some ambitious poetry, but looking back on it they all sucked, mainly because I didn't realize at the time that channeling Spenser wouldn't work at my age... or in the 20th century.

matt35mm

  • The Master of Two Worlds
  • *****
  • Posts: 3239
  • Bony old behind.
  • Respect: +491
    • My Films on Vimeo
Re: Poetry?!?!
« Reply #10 on: August 31, 2006, 06:16:50 PM »
0
Mozart, Goat's Heart
Their Music makes
All of the slanderous rivival
Of the sweet cherry lips
Pursed by Louis Vuitton

Roald Dahl, Drink Gall!
Our Words make
Killing all those innocent
Baby jewels with seeing-eye
Salt worth Morton's Umbrella Girl

Singer/Songwriter's Faith
And no one could see it coming
No one ever sees the light
Bled by the singular truth
Which already happened and never will again.

Oh Sorrow, Oh Sorrow...
Make me a cup of coffee

pete

  • The Master of Two Worlds
  • *****
  • Posts: 5516
  • freakin huge
  • Respect: +384
    • my site
Re: Poetry?!?!
« Reply #11 on: August 31, 2006, 07:16:09 PM »
0
I used to think that love at first sight
was something made up by porno playwrights
rest of that night I tried to convince myself
that it's all in my head I'll get over her by twelve
ever since then I'd been staying up watching the clock tick
you think I enjoy being this love sick?
“Tragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot.”
- Buster Keaton

NEON MERCURY

  • The Master of Two Worlds
  • *****
  • Posts: 3853
  • Respect: +16
Re: Poetry?!?!
« Reply #12 on: August 31, 2006, 10:37:12 PM »
0
i like dem white boyz wit da apple bottumz....

smack that pasty, flakey sugar white ass fo me,
 roll up and down on yo verocose veins
granpa...hold it fo rme to pee
braid my bitch black hair and hold on to the reigns.

index and forefinga on my brittle nipple,
bounce your nuttys on me thighs,
quiver and lick up and down gus's hairy ripple.
fuck them breeders,


"bigmouth strikes again"

 

DMCA & Copyright | Terms & Conditions | Privacy Policy