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CatMan5129

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a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« on: September 20, 2005, 09:35:19 PM »
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I am a film student at Ithaca College...this is a script I am planning on shooting over the next 3 months...It's about why we love different things in the world...thanks for the feedback.

FADE IN:
INT. DORMROOM - DAY
TRACKING SHOT
College dorm room riddled with empty Ramen soup cups, film equipment, frisbees.
VOICES (O.S.)
Oh yeah baby, youíre so big...oh donít tease me.  It feels so good...etc.
Stop tracking in front of TOM, 20, eyes focused, chin resting on hands in deep contemplation.
The door opens and FISH enters.
FISH
Tom, you have a sick obsession with porn.
Tom raises his right hand, eyes never leaving the computer screen.
TOM
Hold on.
He clicks the mouse, rewinding the scene on his computer.
TOM (CONTíD)
There it is...a shadow of a boom mic right behind her left breast.
Fish takes his backpack off and walks over to Tom.
Tom folds his arms and shakes his head.
TOM (CONTíD)
Ridiculous.
FISH
Nice titties.
TOM
(matter of factly) Absolutely.
FISH
Most people whack off to porn...you watch it like a weekend rental.  Not to mention pornography objectifies women.
TOM
So what?
FISH
So you need help.  You love porn way too much.
TOM
Does it really matter? Iím not hurting anyone and these women choose to take their clothes off and expose their beautiful, round buttocks.
FISH
Whoa, thatís a fine piece of meat.
TOM
Look at how the light shines off her breasts.
FISH
(beat)
Heavenly...

INT. BEDROOM - DAY
Close up breast.  A hand grabs it from below.
From above MARY falls onto PETER.
PETER
Oh yeah.
MARY
Mmmhmmm.
PETER
You little animal.
MARY
Yes!
They finish. Mary lies next to Peter.
MARY (CONTíD)
Why do you always close your eyes when we make love?
PETER
I...like to imagine.
MARY
Who?
PETER
No...only you.  Youíre amazing.
MARY
Good.
They kiss.
MARY (CONTíD)
Oh shit, itís 2:00 already.  I need to get to class.  
PETER
Youíre students can wait.
MARY
Donít worry Iíll be back tonight for dinner.
PETER
Iíll be waiting.

EXT. STREET - DAY
BILL sits on the concrete, back against the wall, reading a newspaper.  He is obviously homeless.  Two teenage boys dressed as thugs approach.
BOY #1
Hey...
No response
BOY #1 (CONTíD)
Yo!
Bill lowers his newspaper.
BOY #2
Hey whatís it like being homeless?
BOY #1
Do you eat cat food?
The ďthugsĒ laugh.  Bill takes a deep breath.
BILL
Well, Iíll put it like this.  Do you ever just piss all over the toilet seat because youíre too lazy to lift it up?
BOY #1
Uh, sure.
BILL
Thatís fucked up.
Bill returns to reading his newspaper.
BOY #2
Letís get out of here.
The boys walk away.
Bill reads for a moment then stops.  He looks up to see a girl walking right in front of him.  She is stunning.  He notices her drop a piece of paper.
BILL
(Under his breath)
Iím going to jail today.
He stands up, bends to pick up the note, and runs after the girl.
BILL (CONTíD)
Hey, I believe you dropped this.
SARA
Oh.
BILL
You donít seem to happy.
SARA
Itís just a stupid piece of paper
BILL
Are you a student?
SARA
Yeah.
BILL
You look hungry. Let me take you out to lunch?
Sara looks him over.
SARA
Okay.

INT. CLASS - DAY
Tom sits in class.  Track around room of student faces in  a circle.
MARY
...and thatís why Polanski was forced to flee the United States.  Looking toward the future, I would like you to begin brainstorming ideas for your thesis film.  You should make a film that only you could create.  It should come out of your ideas,emotions...your life.
Stop tracking back on Tom.
EXT. BUILDING -DAY
Tom and Fish stand smoking.
TOM
What kind of film should we make.
FISH
Letís make it about cellphones.  I fucking hate them.  Thereís probably one ringing right now, shattering an important silence and people just wanna fucking kill-
TOM
Whereís the plot?
FISH
Itís just about people talking.
TOM
I donít know.
EXT. CAFE- DAY
Bill and Sara are seated staring at each other.
BILL
So what makes a piece of paper stupid?
SARA
Huh? Oh the note.  Itís just a...love letter.
BILL
Boyfriend?
SARA
No.
BILL
You probably get lots of love letters.  
Sara shrugs.
BILL (CONTíD)
Itís great finding love...
Sara coughs.
BILL (CONTíD)
Sometimes I donít even understand the shit that comes out of my mouth.
Sara laughs.
SARA
I like you.  Youíre not like most guys I know, besides the fact that...
BILL
Iím a dirty bum?
SARA
Yeah.
Bill starts laughing
SARA (CONTíD)
What?
BILL
Donít let this get up fool you.  I work for the government...Iím...

Bill leans forward.
BILL (CONTíD)
...undercover.
Sara laughs.
SARA
Youíre a bum.
Pause.
BILL
Yeah.
They smile.

INT. CUBICLE - DAY
Peter sits at his desk typing on his computer.  He watches someone walk by. He looks at a picture of Mary on his desk.  Then he opens his bottom drawer and touches another framed picture: a sheep.

INT. CAR - DAY
Peter drives down a country road.

EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - EVENING
Peter gets out of his car and walks down a dirt path.  A beautiful sheep stands in the golden sunlight.  He takes a step forward and smiles.

INT. CAR - NIGHT
Peter steps into his car and looks at himself in the rearview mirror.  His shirt and tie are disheveled. He turns on the radio.  Music plays.

INT. DORMROOM - NIGHT
Tom and Fish are smoking.
FISH
Iím not gonna make a porn?
TOM
No. Not a porn, something better.
FISH
Okay, what then?
TOM
I donít know, I just want to show how people really act.  Who they really are.  And sex is the best way to show that.
FISH
Whoíd be willing to fuck on film?  You sure as hell wonít get Sara.
TOM
Fuck you.
FISH
Sorry man, she still isnít digging you?
TOM
No I think sheís ignoring me.
FISH
Fuck her.
TOM
I love her.
FISH
Sometimes I donít understand the shit that comes out of your mouth.
Tom gives Fish a look of disgust.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
Peter walks into the room and finds Mary awake in bed. She is reading.
MARY
Where?
PETER
I was seeing a friend.
MARY
We were supposed to go out to dinner tonight!  What friend was so important that you missed dinner?
PETER
Jim...my friend.
MARY
Well I hope he was worth it.
PETER
Iím sorry, let me make it up to you.
MARY
You can try right now.
Peter laughs and climbs into bed.  Mary starts kissing him but Peter is less than interested.
PETER
Iím sorry, Iím just tired.
MARY
Okay...thatís fine.
She rolls over, turning from Peter.

INT. DORMROOM - DAY
Sarah sits on the couch watching television, her ROOMMATE is fixing a sandwich.
ROOMMATE
A BUM!
SARA
Yeah. Heís really sweet.
ROOMMATE
How old is he?
SARA
Iím not sure. Maybe 50.
ROOMMATE
Thatís disgusting.  He probably has wrinkled balls.
SARA
He took me out to lunch.  I ended up paying though.
ROOMMATE
Donít homeless people eat cat food?
SARA
Listen, I really like him.
ROOMMATE
Why?
SARA
Does it matter?
ROOMMATE
Yeah! Duh!  Why donít you try to get with Tom.  Heís tall.  I bet heís got a huge -
SARA
I donít want Tom.  Canít you just be happy for me?
ROOMMATE
Did you fuck him?
SARA
No.
ROOMMATE
Are you going to?
SARA
It doesnít matter.
ROOMMATE
Are you nuts? Of course it matters.

EXT. COLLEGE BUILDING - DAY
TRACKING SHOT
Tom walks toward the building, passing Mary his teacher.  He stops to talk to her as she finishes a conversation with another student.
TOM
Hey, Ms. Pecora, can I talk to you for a minute about my film?
MARY
Sure. Whatís on your mind?
TOM
Well, Iím struggling with my idea. I think I know what I want to explore, but...
MARY
But?
TOM
Iím afraid my ideas are too fucked up. My characters seem too...sick.
MARY
I see.  Well Tom, its cliche to say, but the world isnít perfect.  And we shouldnít turn a blind eye to it, for that reason we should explore the dark side of life.  Everyday people experience unusual, even sick desires.  Do you understand what Iím saying.
TOM
So itís okay to explore dark subjects even if they might offend people?
MARY
Certainly, but you need to figure out why you want to explore it and how you will show it.
TOM
Thanks.
MARY
It was nice talking to you, but I need to get going.  Iím looking forward to hearing your ideas in class tomorrow.
TOM
Bye.
Mary smiles.

EXT. STREET - DAY
Bill is sitting on the sidewalk, he is dressed the same as earlier, but now his hair is combed.  Sara approaches him.
SARA
You look great.
BILL
Thanks, you look stunning.
SARA
No.
BILL
Why do girls always think theyíre unattractive. Itís crazy.
SARA
I donít think Iím unattractive, but a lot of the time guys will compliment me just to get into my pants.
BILL
Do you think I just want to get into your pants?
SARA
I donít think so.
BILL
Good.

INT. MARYíS HOUSE - DAY
Mary is cleaning her room, picking up clothes and stuffing them into drawers.  Some of the clothes are Peterís.  She emptied his jeans pockets onto her desk.  Some cash, a lighter, and an address written on a small piece of paper.  She studies it then places it in her pocket.

INT. DORMROOM - DAY
Tom and Fish are seated across from each other smoking cigarettes.
TOM
Then Iíll make the film myself.
FISH
Maybe that would be best.
They are both silent.
TOM
Okay listen.  We both want to work together, but what do you want out of this film?
FISH
I donít think you can create believable characters that will develop, especially in a short film.  Your characters are too fucked up.
TOM
But theyíre real.
FISH
Where are they real? In your mind?
TOM
Somewhere in the world.
FISH
Fine, letís get drunk, and keep brainstorming.
TOM
Agreed.

EXT. DORMS - NIGHT
Sara stands outside looking around.  Bill suddenly approaches.
BILL
Hey.
SARA
My roommates gone for the next few hours.
BILL
Great.

INT. SARAHíS DORM - NIGHT
Sara and bill are seated on a couch.
SARA
Do you love me?
BILL
Whoa, where did that come from?
SARA
Sorry.  I just really enjoy eating lunch with you and...
BILL
Of course I care about you Sara.  Youíre a beautiful woman.  
He leans in a tries to kiss her, but she pulls away.  They smile.  

EXT. STREET - NIGHT
Peter steps into his car, Mary watches from a distance.

INT. MARYíS CAR - NIGHT
Following Peter from a distance.

EXT. FARM - NIGHT
Peter gets out of his car and walks toward a barn.

INT. BARN - NIGHT
A dusty wooden door slides open and Peter steps forward.  In the moonlight a SHEEP stands.  It turns its head.  Peter approaches.  Mary appears behind him.
MARY
No.
PETER
Mary.
MARY
I canít believe it.
PETER
Itís okay.  I wasnít gonna...
MARY
Stop Peter.  Just...you need help.
PETER
I love you.
MARY
I love you too.  
Peter takes a step forward.  Mary starts walking backward to the door.
MARY (CONTíD)
I canít see you anymore Peter.  Why?  Why? Would you do this?  
PETER
I...need to.
MARY
Do you love her?
PETER
Itís a him...
Mary turns and begins a fast stride toward her car.
PETER (CONTíD)
Wait!

INT. MARYíS CAR - NIGHT
Mary throws the car in reverse and whips the car around 180 degrees.  She is almost crying.  

INT. SARAHíS DORM - NIGHT
Sara and Bill are still on the couch.
BILL
So what are you wearing?
SARA
Huh?
BILL
I mean under those jeans.
SARA
Underwear.
BILL
Cute.
SARA
Yep.
Bill leans in again for a kiss. Sara resists.
BILL
What the fuck?
SARA
Hey, relax.
Bill reaches for her thighs.
SARA (CONTíD)
No Bill.
BILL
Youíre so sexy tonight.
SARA
I donít care about sex.
BILL
I do...
Bill grabs her breast.  Sara slaps him.  Bill reaches again.  She slaps him for a second time.
SARA
Get out.
BILL
Donít be like this.
SARA
Get out.
Sara is holding back tears.
BILL
I canít believe I wasted all this time...I thought you were mature.
Bill stands up, stares at Sara, then spits at her feet.
SARA
Asshole (softly).
BILL
Bitch.
SARA
Fuckiní Bum.
Bill exits.  Sara starts crying on the couch.
MUSIC SEQUENCE begins

INT. MARYíS CAR - NIGHT
Mary is crying in her car.

INT. DORMROOM - NIGHT
Tom is typing at his computer while porn plays in the background. MOANING is barely audible.

EXT. CITY -NIGHT
Cars and people pass by each other. A cat walks down the street.

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
Mary is standing in front of the class.  Tom is seated in the circle of students.
MARY
All right who wants to share their ideas next?
She looks around the class.
MARY (CONTíD)
Tom?
Tom hesitates for a moment, then stands up. Mary sits.
Tom clears his throat.
TOM
Well, my film begins in a college dorm room.  We track around the room to a student sitting at his computer and watching...
He looks around the room.
Pauses.
TOM (CONTíD)
Pornography.
Cut to black.

polkablues

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a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2005, 10:29:43 PM »
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I honestly really, really like this.  This is exactly the sort of short film I would enjoy seeing.

The one thing I would focus on revision-wise would be the rhythm of the scenes... meaning both the beats within the scenes and also the rhythm of each individual scene within the greater whole.  It feels like it should progressively speed up as it gets toward the end, but it doesn't really do anything consistently like that.

Otherwise, I liked the characters and the situations (Bill's change in character seemed too abrupt... maybe ease into that a little more, make it more of a subtle change).  What are you envisioning stylistically?  Controlled "Magnolia"-style or looser "Rodger Dodger"-style?  I could easily see it going either way.  Maybe even different styles for each of the stories within the film.

Nice work, overall.
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CatMan5129

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a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2005, 11:41:12 PM »
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Thanks for the feedback, I agree that the homeless man seems to turn too abruptly.

As for the style I will shoot in, I'm aiming for more controlled shots. I imagine the film most like Solondz's 'Happiness' or a cross between that and Punch-Drunk Love.

Pubrick

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a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2005, 12:05:02 AM »
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under the paving stones.

CatMan5129

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a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2005, 12:39:01 PM »
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Thanks for the feedback...I've made a lot of revisions...

Reinhold

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Re: a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« Reply #5 on: December 14, 2005, 01:36:15 PM »
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catman: you can export files in word, final draft, and movie magic as html files. it's a lot easier to read when it's formatted.

nice script, though. it starts off with an almost curb your enthusiasm feel at the beginning, but settles into an awkwardly amusing groove. i can dig it.

.... considering that this thread is a couple months old, now, how's the revised script look? 
Obviously what you are doing right now is called (in my upcoming book of psychology at least) validation. I think it's a normal thing to do. People will reply, say anything, and then you're gonna do what you were subconsciently thinking of doing all along.

Pubrick

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Re: a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« Reply #6 on: December 14, 2005, 10:18:16 PM »
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.... considering that this thread is a couple months old, now, how's the revised script look?†
he took what he wanted and left. unless ur gonna give him money or sumthing i doubt he'll come back.

i hate these kind of newbs. they don't even deserve to be called newbs.
under the paving stones.

polkablues

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Re: a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« Reply #7 on: December 14, 2005, 10:48:57 PM »
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But hey... if I've helped to usher just one not-totally-crappy short film into the world, then I have no regrets.  Just don't let me down, CatMan5129, wherever you are....

i hate these kind of newbs. they don't even deserve to be called newbs.

I propose "knobs".
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pete

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Re: a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« Reply #8 on: December 15, 2005, 12:52:51 AM »
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yeah, but why get heartbroken by someone with a piece of shit script walking away with a slighter less shitty (presumably) script?
ďTragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot.Ē
- Buster Keaton

Pubrick

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Re: a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« Reply #9 on: December 15, 2005, 01:36:51 AM »
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no tears were shed, i'm saying the situation u present would be more just if they came with a shitty script and left with the same. that's justice.
under the paving stones.

Reinhold

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Re: a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« Reply #10 on: December 15, 2005, 02:01:24 AM »
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send his IP to the admin of a midget porn site.
Obviously what you are doing right now is called (in my upcoming book of psychology at least) validation. I think it's a normal thing to do. People will reply, say anything, and then you're gonna do what you were subconsciently thinking of doing all along.

CatMan5129

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Re: a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2005, 05:19:01 PM »
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lol, you guys are funny...

I'll try to post my revisions here...

Pubrick

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Re: a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« Reply #12 on: December 24, 2005, 08:41:20 PM »
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uh, don't bother.
under the paving stones.

polkablues

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Re: a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« Reply #13 on: December 25, 2005, 01:54:04 AM »
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lol, you guys are funny...

I'll try to post my revisions here...

pm me with them.  I'll read it.
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Pubrick

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Re: a SCRIPT I am planning on shooting
« Reply #14 on: December 25, 2005, 08:13:28 AM »
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knob-lover.
under the paving stones.

 

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