Author Topic: The Amazing Super-Fun ABC Dialogue Game!  (Read 3148 times)

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©brad

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The Amazing Super-Fun ABC Dialogue Game!
« on: March 12, 2003, 01:32:02 PM »
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This is something we did in a screenwriting class recently that was pretty funny. It's pretty self-explanatory; write a scene with two people with the first letter of each line of dialogue going in the order of the alphabet.

I start it off to get the ball rolling, but I expect everyone else's scenes to be a helluva lot funnier.

To begin-

FADE IN:
KAYLEE and MEG, mid 20s, sit outside in a trendy little cafe on South Beach, drinking bottled water and chain smoking. Kaylee's CELL PHONE RINGS. She looks at the caller ID which reads 'CARL.' She immediately turns the phone off and puts it in her purse.

KAYLEE: Asshole.
MEG: Bitch!
KAYLEE: Carl, not u. I was talking about Carl.
MEG: Did u guys-
KAYLEE: EERRR not really.
MEG: Fuck that. tell me. How was it?
(a young waitress comes out with two of the biggest salads known to man and places them on the table. Kaylee takes a bite)
KAYLEE: Granola?! Gross.
MEG: Hey, Helen Keller- answer me.
KAYLEE: I don't want to talk about it.
MEG: Jeeze louise. Why are you being such a twat today?
KAYLE: Keep it down, and don't say that word, I can't stand it.
MEG: Look if you don't want to talk about it that's fine.
KAYLE: My nipples are killing me. Can I try some of your salad?
MEG: No.
KAYLE: Oh come on, because I won't tell you about Carl?
MEG: Precisely.
KAYLE: Quite mature of you. Alright come here, I don't want anyone to hear.
(Kayle leans over and wispers into Meg's ear.)
MEG: REALLY? In the ass?
KAYLE: SSSHHHH! Jesus christ.
MEG: This salad tastes like windex. Anyway, what else happened?
KAYLEE: Unbe-fucking-lievable. $16 for a god damn salad that tastes like refried-ass. -Oh there was one thing- he was uncut. Never had that before.
MEG: Very interesting. What'd u think?
KAYLEE: Well, I don't know. I could get used to it.
MEG: "Xixax"- that kid over there has an 'Xixax' shirt on. What the hell is 'xixax?'
(Just outside the restaurant a BMW comes to a screeching halt as it almost collides with an old couple in a wheel-chair)
KAYLEE: (screaming to the BMW as it takes off) YIELD NEXT TIME ASSHOLE! Xixax? beat's me, sounds like some kind of narcotic.
MEG: Zuchini? Damnit! I told that little cunt-licking waitress I was allergic to zuchini! Let's get the fuck out of here.

FADE OUT

sphinx

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« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2003, 01:46:26 PM »
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in the canadian improv games, you'll often be given scenes like this, only the challenge is that in addition to starting your line with the next letter of the alphabet, you have to develop setting, characters, a problem, and finally a solution in the space of 4 minutes or less.  it's tough

©brad

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« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2003, 02:04:16 PM »
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that is tough. well whoever can do all that and make it funny too wins.

bonanzataz

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« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2003, 09:28:27 PM »
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That was pretty funny, Cbrad.
The corpses all hang headless and limp bodies with no surprises and the blood drains down like devil’s rain we’ll bathe tonight I want your skulls I need your skulls I want your skulls I need your skulls Demon I am and face I peel to see your skin turned inside out, ’cause gotta have you on my wall gotta have you on my wall, ’cause I want your skulls I need your skulls I want your skulls I need your skulls collect the heads of little girls and put ’em on my wall hack the heads off little girls and put ’em on my wall I want your skulls I need your skulls I want your skulls I need your skulls

Bud_Clay

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Johnny
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2003, 02:40:16 AM »
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I was bored:

8 year old Johnny walks into the kitchen finding his mother making dinner.

Johnny: Artichokes? Mom, I said I don't like them. Why do you always make them for me?
Denise: Boy oh boy Johnny..don't give me any shit. They're good for you and daddy likes them...You can learn to like them.
Johnny: Can I just have captain crunch for dinner?
Denise: Don't be a moron.
Johnny: Eric's mom lets him eat cerial for dinner.
Denise: Fucking Eric's parents live in a trailer.
Johnny: God mom-
Denise: How dare you take the lord's name in vain Johnny!?..I've seen children burn in hell for their sins! You might also think twice next time before letting that curious hand go south exploring like you do under those covers!
Johnny: I lost the red ranger under the covers....
Denise: Johnny I know what you lost under the covers and it was those little glow in the dark elmo tighties you love so much.
Johnny: .............Kan you get me the new action delux power ranger that can turn into a motorcycle?
Denise: Listen Johnny..First of all: "Can" is spelled with a "C" you stupid illiterate brat. What the fuck are they teaching you in school? Secondly: NO! I'm not buying you shit you're gonna grow out of in a few years!
Johnny: Maybe I won't though mom. You don't know.
Denise: No honey I do know and even if you did successfully turn into a sad, pathetic 30 year old who plays with figurines I would throw myself onto a train track before helping you aspire to such a thing.
Johnny: .....Oh.
(Denise comes away from the kitchen counter and kneels down to Johnny.)
Denise: Promise me one thing Johnny..
Johnny: Quick mom, I drank a lot of capree sun.
Denise: Really?.....Well........Listen to me, Johnny......And you listen good.............Because what I'm trying to tell you is very important.....It's so important for you to know......and I....um.......feel......I FEEL....it's my duty to tell you.....uh, how should I say.......duty to tell you such a thing...so you are aware........a nice prewarning.....is what this is.........alright you listening?
Johnny: Sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Denise: ............Truthfully........Honestly...........If I ever found you fucking up as that great citizen of society I know you can be I would denounce you as my son. No kidding..I will settle for nothing less than bible school..I'll be damned if you start giving people hand jobs in dark alleys for crack money!
Johnny: Um...Okay.
Denise: Very good then.
Johnny: Will you let me go then?
Denise: XXXIHENEFUHEIUDNEIUD(*@&#(*$Y*&EH#*DH&@!
Johnny: Yikes mom!
Denise: ZAHHHH!

xerxes

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The Amazing Super-Fun ABC Dialogue Game!
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2003, 03:24:16 AM »
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blah

sickfins

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« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2003, 03:29:05 AM »
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all posts must conform!  but really; this spinx fellow seems to be uptight, whats his deal?

xerxes

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« Reply #7 on: March 13, 2003, 03:31:08 AM »
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Quote from: sickfins
all posts must conform!  but really; this spinx fellow seems to be uptight, whats his deal?


he's a nice fellow

©brad

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« Reply #8 on: March 13, 2003, 04:49:41 AM »
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funny stuff bill.

come on, atleast one more person do it before this thread drifts off into nothingness.

ReelHotGames

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« Reply #9 on: March 13, 2003, 03:41:56 PM »
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Okay -- here's my try, I can't guarantee a lot of yucks...

EXT. CITY STREET - DUSK

WILT (40's) tall and stiff, walks down the street seemingly plagued by both
A pain in his right temple, as well as what is becoming a pain in his ass,
JIMMY, a small hop head with the shakes who is buzzing around Wilt like a
Fly.

JIMMY: Ayyyy.... (He puts his thumbs up)
WILT: Back... Step back away here, pal... What is that? What? What
is that you're doing?
JIMMY: Cool, huh? Cool like Fonzie... Ayyyyy.... (Again he lets his
thumbs point to the sky)
WILT: Don't... Don't do that, okay... You're... Just leave me
alone...
JIMMY: Eh?
WILT: Forget it. Forget it, Jimmy, stop... Just back away okay. Back
away.

They pass a BARBERSHOP with a red and white rotating pole, a COIN OPERATED HORSE sits, faded in the sun, neglected and passed over for flashier, shinier electronic games for children. Jimmy stops at the Horse, runs his hand down it's mane and pets him.

JIMMY: Got a quarter? Eh, Wilt? Got a quarter. (Wilt keeps walking)
I want to ride the... Ride the... The... Hey Wilt, please, give me a
quarter, I want to ride the...
WILT: Horse, forget it. I'm not... A quarter? A quarter, for the
horse. Forget it, you owe... You owe and you owe and you're in... And you
want me to...
JIMMY: I... I... Come on, Wilt, I owe? I... Okay. Okay, but still, I
haven't, in years, the horse, let me ride the horse, okay. One last time.
WILT:Jimmy - stop. Stop it. (He stops and looks Jimmy square in the eyes) You’re in trouble here, And I don’t know, I don’t know if I can help you. See? Do you see?
JIMMY: Know what, Wilt. Take a guess, guess what I’m thinking right now.
WILT: (Getting upset) LISTEN TO ME! STOP! STOP! AND LISTEN A MINUTE – Will you.
JIMMY: Maybe we could go, you know. Just ride out of here, what do you think Wilt? Ride out of here? See. So it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if I owe… If I…
WILT:(Shakes his head) No.
JIMMY: …Owe. I can, we… We can ride away, if you just give me a quarter for the horse…
WILT: Please, will you… (Wilt hangs his head low, a sadness in his eyes) Stop. Stop.

Jimmy’s hands shakes, he twists his head, he is starting to break out in the sweats, his face gone pale. Wilt spots something down the street, in the distance rounding the corner TWO DARK SUITED Men with slicked back hair, the obviousness of it all - THUGS. He grabs Jimmy forcefully by the arm.

WILT: Quick!

He pulls Jimmy into the entrance of a BRIDAL GOWN SHOP.
Wilt tries to peak out without being seen, one hand against Jimmy’s chest, pushing him into the window of the shop.
Jimmy presses his face against the window, stares at a manaquin dressed in a flowing white gown. He begins to read the display plaquered.

JIMMY: (Having trouble sounding out the words) Re-gal eleg…elega…gance… awaits you in…

Wilt pulls quickly back into the shop door.

WILT: Shhhhh…

He puts his hand over Jimmy’s mouth. Jimmy’s eyes widen, he looks at Wilt.

WILT: Trouble.

He nods toward the street, Jimmy understands, and you can see terror fill in his eyes, his heart pounds and he begins to be unable to keep himself still. He  tries to pull himself free from Wilt, who pushes harder against his mouth to keep him quiet.
Jimmy grabs onto Wilt’s arm and pulls it away and GASPS for air and he lets out a SCREAM. Wilt quickly forces himself of Jimmy putting both hands over his mouth and getting close to his face.

WILT: (A fast and desperate whisper) Understand this, Jimmy. I will not die for you, if it comes to it. I will not die for you today. Tell me. Tell me who it is, who are you in to? What is it you owe? What is it and to who?
He pulls his hands away so Jimmy can speak.
JIMMY: (Weakly) Vinnie…

A look of defeat, exhasperation washes over Wilt’s face. He is near tears. He shakes his head as if this is the worst thing Jimmy could possibly have said.

JIMMY: Wilt… Wilt please. I’m sorry, I am… I didn’t know, I didn’t know she was Vinnie’s girl, you got to believe me, I didn’t know. I didn’t know about her… I thought… I thought she was shy… How was I to know? How could I know she was… You know… What’s it called? What’s it called.? Wilt, hey, hey, what’s that called? What she… What she…

Wilt hears voices approaching in the distance. He quickly turns to Jimmy, to shut him up.

WILT: Xenophobic, Christ, you stupid fucking cunt! Everyone knows about Vinnie’s girl! AND YOU TOUCHED HER! SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU! NEVER SEEN... AND... AND... YOU STUPID FUCKING…
JIMMY: (In fearful tears) You're my brother... Wilt, you're my brother you have to help me...

The voices are upon them. Wilt is lost and stuck. Ready to be worm food he turns as the TWO DARK SUITED --- THUGS pass.

THUG: Zanzibar! Can you imagine! I said Zambezi and he counters with Zanzibar!

The “thugs” laugh, turn to each other and share a quick kiss. Wilt watches them shuffle past them without a glance, holding hands. He leans on the window with a sigh of relief.[/b]
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picolas

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« Reply #10 on: March 13, 2003, 03:50:23 PM »
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Quote from: sphinx
in the canadian improv games, you'll often be given scenes like this, only the challenge is that in addition to starting your line with the next letter of the alphabet, you have to develop setting, characters, a problem, and finally a solution in the space of 4 minutes or less.  it's tough


wouldn't say often...maybe in exhibition...

sphinx

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« Reply #11 on: March 13, 2003, 04:39:02 PM »
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Quote from: picolas
wouldn't say often...maybe in exhibition...


the now extinct 'game' round used to feature those all the time.

picolas

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« Reply #12 on: March 13, 2003, 04:50:04 PM »
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Quote from: sphinx
now extinct


small, petty things, really. i just barely ever see it happen.

Jeremy Blackman

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The Amazing Super-Fun ABC Dialogue Game!
« Reply #13 on: March 18, 2003, 08:04:25 PM »
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Sphinx sits in a small white room, alone, with his hands covering his face. Jeremy Blackman enters, followed by Duck Sauce.

JEREMY (to Sphinx)
Are you trying to spiritually suffocate yourself?

Sphinx makes a buzzer noise, which is slightly muffled by his hands.

JEREMY
Becoming disillusioned with the world around you? Trying to escape?

Sphinx again answers in the negative.

DUCK SAUCE
Could you possibly have chosen a more depressing atmosphere?

JEREMY
Don't think that he's trying to make himself happy. This is like his monastary. Am I right?

SPHINX
Everything you have said is wrong, and you will never know the answer.

DUCK SAUCE
For God's sake, take your hands off your face.

JEREMY
God doesn't care about Sphinx's face.

DUCK SAUCE
How do you explain the fact that God is letting it happen?

JEREMY
In what perverted world does God let Sphinx cover his face with his hands, right? In what Godless universe can one confused person remove themselves so utterly from reality? Is that what you're asking?

DUCK SAUCE
Just kidding.

Jeremy sighs.

Picolas enters, suddenly dismayed by Sphinx's dilmemma, his finger immediately pointing.

PICOLAS
Look!

Picolas laughs, but soon becomes very sad.

JEREMY
More visitors, Sphinx. Everyone is concerned about you. Have anything to say?

SPHINX
No.

JEREMY
Obviously there's something wrong.

PICOLAS
Part of me wants to embrace him with loving sympathy, and part of me wants to run in circles screaming, "This is the day of our redemption!"

DUCK SAUCE
Quack.

PICOLAS
Right, and how many opporunities to insult you have I passed up? You chill me to the bone, you evil man. I will now assault you with my invisible wet towel.

JEREMY
Stop fighting! And listen carefully... did you hear that?

An ominous humming sound approaches in the near distance. Enter Mr. Xixax.

MR. XIXAX
Try spending 48 consecutive hours on Photoshop and this is what happens, eh?

JEREMY
Utter emotional and intellectual numbness has enraptured his entire being, I'm afraid. He is no longer able to percieve the world with open arms.

PICOLAS
Vile creature! Be banished from this world!

Picolas dances around Sphinx in a Pagan ritual, then flees, back from whence he came.

MR. XIXAX
Who did this to him?

JEREMY
Xixax, my friend, the question is not who--but what.

Sprinting in, to a gallant fanfare, is The Gold Trumpet, who raises his fist in the air.

THE GOLD TRUMPET
Your theories are wrong! It was me all along! 'Twas a cold winter's night, 'bout a year from tonight, he surrendered control and he sold me his soul! He was down on his luck, so I loaned him a buck, but he signed me his name, and I cheated his game! You've treated me well, now I'll see you in Hell!

A cloud of red smoke swirls around The Gold Trumpet to accompany his rising laughter. His eyes become intense with fiery passion, and he stretches his arms toward the helpless Sphinx.

THE GOLD TRUMPET
Zap!

Sphinx's head explodes in an animated sequence of layers, elements, and transitions.
"Hunger is the purest sin"

Xixax

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« Reply #14 on: March 18, 2003, 08:44:36 PM »
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Man, I don't know how I missed this the first time around. This is brilliant.

It's like Haiku. Anyone can do it!

There should be a name for it. Xixku?
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