Feedback Needed on Film Noir Script

[xerxes]

thanks for giving it a read.  i really appreciate it.

i don’t know if i really see the pulp fiction-ness of it, i mean, aside from the structure, which is a bit similar.  i think it’s completely different in tone.  but then again, i could just not be seeing it.

now, one of your main critiques/criticisms, if i understand you correctly, was that the characters, at times, talk about what is seen on screen.  i think that a great deal of the time people “talk about what they see.”  the scene you describe in pulp fiction is a wonderful scene, but it’s not something i would ever write.  it could be one of my downfalls as a writer (and i’m very hesitant to call myself that) but i didn’t set out to write something like that.

i agree with you that, classically, a story starts with the interruption of the ordinary, but i don’t think that always needs to be the case.  one of my goals with this script was to show the ordinary.  

you are right about anglich.  he needs more flesh to him.  i’m going to have to give his character a lot of thought before i attempt a rewrite.

the marquee or movie poster in the background is a great idea.

so thanks again for taking the time to read it, and taking the time to leave you thoughts.

[metroshane]

Sure, glad to.  And I meant to add that it's only that one scene that seems Pulpy.  The rest aren't...and those are your stronger scenes.  And you are right that you can write about the ordinary...but it's a hurdle.  More power to you if you can leap it, I'd like to see you succeed at it.

After thinking back about the story...and it's good that it's been in my mind all weekend...the hotel seems as much a character to me as anyone else.  You might play that up.  Infact,  I think the name of the hotel would be a better name for your script.

[xerxes]

Infact,  I think the name of the hotel would be a better name for your script.

yeah, i think you may be right.