Author Topic: Feedback Needed on Film Noir Script  (Read 7857 times)

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xerxes

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Feedback Needed on Film Noir Script
« Reply #15 on: March 16, 2005, 02:14:05 PM »
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no, fragmented or not, it's very helpful.

i see what you mean about the last conversation not relating to the rest of the script.  i was writing it to relate back to her husband, but i understand where you’re coming from.  it would be nice if there was an overall theme of change throughout.

kotte

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Feedback Needed on Film Noir Script
« Reply #16 on: March 19, 2005, 06:54:29 AM »
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Quote from: xerxes
no, fragmented or not, it's very helpful.

i see what you mean about the last conversation not relating to the rest of the script.  i was writing it to relate back to her husband, but i understand where you’re coming from.  it would be nice if there was an overall theme of change throughout.


I've been thinking about your script and I actually find the lack of theme or meaning (if you will) kind of cool. Then it's more a slice of (underground) life piece.

xerxes

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« Reply #17 on: March 19, 2005, 04:54:46 PM »
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i was kinda going for that feel, so i'm glad that you said that.  although i would hope that it could provide some type of meaning.

but i don't know if i really believe in sitting down and starting to write something with the idea with "this is what it's going to mean."  i don't know what i'm talking about.  i just think the meaning should come out of the story, not that the story should come out of the meaning.  whatever, i don't know, i'm just rambling here.

kotte

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« Reply #18 on: March 19, 2005, 07:11:50 PM »
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Quote from: xerxes
i just think the meaning should come out of the story, not that the story should come out of the meaning.


I agree.

I think if a story is carved out of a pre-determined we have a classic example of pretention.

Stephen King wrote about his technique in his book 'On Writing' (a very good book).
What he does is that he sits down and writes a first draft with only the story in his head. Then he reads it over and looks for hints of possible meanings. It's when he sits down to write the second draft that he tries to pull out more of that meaning and make it more "visible".

So I'm a strong believer in "story dictates meaning". Filmmakers are storytellers not preaching assholes.

But I just got the feeling the last scene that you aspired for something but didn't really pull it off.

Recce

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« Reply #19 on: March 20, 2005, 12:11:01 AM »
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"The idea had been growing in my brain for some time: TRUE force. All the king's men
                         cannot put it back together again." (Travis Bickle, "Taxi Driver")

xerxes

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« Reply #20 on: March 21, 2005, 03:05:08 PM »
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Quote from: kotte

But I just got the feeling the last scene that you aspired for something but didn't really pull it off.


hopefully i can make it work better in the second draft.

Ghostboy

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Feedback Needed on Film Noir Script
« Reply #21 on: March 21, 2005, 03:28:35 PM »
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I might be a bit tardy in my response, but I'd love to read it: davidpatricklowery@gmail.com

eward

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« Reply #22 on: March 21, 2005, 04:15:58 PM »
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me too please:  ericward1@verizon.net
"Do you laugh at jealousy?"

"No, I don't even laugh at seasickness! I happen to regard jealousy as the seasickness of passion."

xerxes

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« Reply #23 on: March 25, 2005, 02:50:06 PM »
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anyone finish it?

xerxes

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« Reply #24 on: March 28, 2005, 08:29:18 PM »
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guess that's a no

xerxes

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« Reply #25 on: April 28, 2005, 11:43:30 PM »
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so it's been a month since the last post.

still looking for some feedback.

i've given it to quite a few people on and off this site over the past couple months and to my knowledge only two have finished it.

which leads me to believe that it's incredibly boring.

or maybe i should chalk it up to "if you don't have anything good to say..."

either way, someone break it to me.

Pubrick

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« Reply #26 on: April 29, 2005, 12:11:47 AM »
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maybe u should put this advice into practice:
Quote from: onomataviva
"Feedback Needed on Film Noir Script"
under the paving stones.

Ghostboy

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Feedback Needed on Film Noir Script
« Reply #27 on: April 29, 2005, 12:24:30 AM »
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Yikes! I'm terrible - I'll have it read by the weekend. I did download the FD viewer you sent me, and it worked this time. And then I need to go read the latest draft of matt35mm's script, too.

EDIT: Finished it! You have a type on page 10 - a sentence talking about people having a good time is missing the word 'be.' Beyond that, you'll be getting an e-mail from me tomorrow...

kotte

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« Reply #28 on: April 29, 2005, 10:04:36 AM »
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I'd love to read what Ghostboy have to say about this...

Post it here if it's okay with you.

xerxes

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« Reply #29 on: April 29, 2005, 02:00:39 PM »
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thanks GB, i really appreciate it and i looked forward to your comments.

Quote from: kotte
I'd love to read what Ghostboy have to say about this...

Post it here if it's okay with you.


i have no problem with his comments being posted here, as long as it is all right with him.

 

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