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Little Red Riding Hood - Hemingway Style

matt35mm · 3 · 1386

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on: December 17, 2004, 02:10:36 AM
School assignment: To rewrite a fairy tale in the style of a distinctive famous writer.

Ernest Hemingway Style

That damned red hood.  I never wear that hood normally.  Every time I go to visit Grandmamma I have to wear that hood.  She likes it.  I despise it.  After I get back home I’ll take it off and I’ll say to myself that it wasn’t that bad.  But I dread wearing it now.

The itchy thin fabric is not enough to keep me warm in that cold blue forest.  But Grandmamma made it for me and she’s proud of it.  Stubborn old woman.  She’ll be dead soon anyway at her age.  Oh I don’t know why I think these thoughts.  It’s terrible of me.  I guess the hood isn’t all that bad.  I’ll wear it for today’s visit.  It won’t be so bad.

What’s that, a wolf?  I swear it’s walking on its hind legs.  Maybe it’s not a wolf.  Maybe it’s just a very hairy ugly man, perhaps from a foreign country.  Ah, it speaks.  The man’s exceedingly large nose and profuse unkempt hair make him look very much like a wolf, but I don’t tell him so for fear of hurting his feelings.

“Good day, dear girl.”

“Yes.  Good day.”

“My what a pretty red hood.”

I look at the bit of the hood that drapes over my shoulder and brush off a piece of lint.  “I’m glad you enjoy it, sir.”

“Where are you going in that pretty red hood?” the foreign man asks me.

“To my Grandmamma’s house.  She’s old and unpleasant, but she makes a hell of a cup of tea.”

The foreign fellow chuckles and nods a goodbye.  I nod back as he slips away into the damp dewy air of the night forest.  Odd chap.  Just as he left my sight, he left my mind.

“Oh!  Red Riding Hood!  You look gorgeous today, my darling!” Grandmamma shouts into my ear as I walk in the door.

I notice that the tea had already been brewing.  Thank God.  That’ll save some time and maybe I can leave early tonight.  “My name is Julie, Grandmamma.  Julie.  Remember?”

“So I like to call you Red Riding Hood.  Is there anything so wrong with that?”

I would choke her with this hood right here and now if she weren’t my mother’s mother.  Instead of doing as such, I sit down and keep my mouth shut.

“Tea!” She shouts in her oddly raspy voice.  Did she have a stroke recently?  My God.  She sounds ridiculous.  Perhaps just a cold or flu or whatever the hell has been going around lately.

I put it all out of my mind as I take a sip from the cup.  I try to enjoy it, but this tea seems off.  My Grandmamma was a silly woman, but the one thing she could always be counted on for was a good cup of tea.  Something is out of place.  I turn to look at my Grandmamma’s face really for the first time this night.  As such I come to see that it was actually the hairy foreign man I’d met ten minutes previous.

“You’re that damned foreign man!” I shout.  I rarely ever shout, but I just wanted a good cup of tea so badly, and now my evening has been spoiled.

“If you’re worried about your Grandmamma,” the hairy foreigner says, “do not worry.  She is safe.  I don’t eat old women.”

“To hell with her!  What have you done with this tea you damned foreigner?”  The very taste of it singed my tongue hairs.

“The bathroom door was locked.  And I’m not a foreigner you silly girl!  I’m a wol—”

I don’t need the last letter of his last word to figure it out, so I pull the trigger early.  Was he really a wolf or was he just Italian?  I honestly don’t care at the moment.  I just know that he will make a nice fur coat.  Much better for the cold forest than that idiotic red hood.


NOTE: I stole the gun and fur coat part from a Roald Dahl version of the story, for those of you who may have read it.


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Reply #1 on: December 17, 2004, 02:59:34 AM
Ha, that's clever. It could even stand to be a good deal longer, to really let the style take over.


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Reply #2 on: December 21, 2004, 07:43:39 PM
Thanks!  It was a school assignment so it couldn't be all that long (although another guy wrote maybe 5 pages).  I read it in front of class and then it was read again by the teacher for another class, and everyone liked it.  It was definitely one of the most popular ones.  And I'm glad that you enjoyed it as well!