Ask Thrindle

[Just Withnail]

And since my friend didn't really listen, which I can understand as he had his own problems, here we go:

It's the same rutine as with everybody it seems. Of course I love(d?) this girl who doesn't love me back. Which has been the situation for quite some time now, and as I tend to fall in love generally once a year (usually doomed from the start; with one of my friends), it's starting to "wear off", all the trying without results that is. So, I decided for myself some weeks ago, well, there's this other girl I know, and have known since I was 4 years old, who I know has been in love with me. So I started seriously responding to her flirting, which she seemed to appreciate, I started (and believe me, you probably know, this is no easy feat) to push the girl I really love(d?) farther and farther away from my thoughts. Fucking hard for one who always fall in love, never out of it. So...(and I know I'm the idiot of this piece, and I don't expect pity) tonight we went to this little get-toghether at her house, and as we sit there talking, drinking, without really anything to do (there were about seven people there in total), someone casually mentions her boyfriend. Her boyfriend. And of course, since you never know what you've got until it's gone, everything dawned on me at that second. Every damn thought, every maybe, and every (until then) second option, everything; every asshole thought of "well if it doesn't work out with 'number one' then at least I've got something to fall back on". Christ, this girl is more than I'll ever deserve, after just thinking this way. She now had a boyfriend. Not me, some other boy. Friend. After being spoonfed a sample of practially everything in her father's liqourcabinet, the highlight of the night came whilst throwing it all up, while she and her newly arrived boyfriend embraced each other in bed. This was two hours ago, and now I can't even remember what I was going to ask you. I guess all I really want is a reaction. Pretty please.

[Thrindle]

And since my friend didn't really listen, which I can understand as he had his own problems, here we go:

It's the same rutine as with everybody it seems. Of course I love(d?) this girl who doesn't love me back. Which has been the situation for quite some time now, and as I tend to fall in love generally once a year (usually doomed from the start; with one of my friends), it's starting to "wear off", all the trying without results that is. So, I decided for myself some weeks ago, well, there's this other girl I know, and have known since I was 4 years old, who I know has been in love with me. So I started seriously responding to her flirting, which she seemed to appreciate, I started (and believe me, you probably know, this is no easy feat) to push the girl I really love(d?) farther and farther away from my thoughts. Fucking hard for one who always fall in love, never out of it. So...(and I know I'm the idiot of this piece, and I don't expect pity) tonight we went to this little get-toghether at her house, and as we sit there talking, drinking, without really anything to do (there were about seven people there in total), someone casually mentions her boyfriend. Her boyfriend. And of course, since you never know what you've got until it's gone, everything dawned on me at that second. Every damn thought, every maybe, and every (until then) second option, everything; every asshole thought of "well if it doesn't work out with 'number one' then at least I've got something to fall back on". Christ, this girl is more than I'll ever deserve, after just thinking this way. She now had a boyfriend. Not me, some other boy. Friend. After being spoonfed a sample of practially everything in her father's liqourcabinet, the highlight of the night came whilst throwing it all up, while she and her newly arrived boyfriend embraced each other in bed. This was two hours ago, and now I can't even remember what I was going to ask you. I guess all I really want is a reaction. Pretty please.

Reaction One: Well written.
Reaction Two: You are such a Brit (you say 'whilst').
Final Reaction: Oh Shit Fuck and Balls.

Wow I'm trying to think of something to say here; one of my magic cliches that shed that tiny bit of clarity on a situation... sort of like a horoscope.   All I can come up with here is... shit.  Ever thought of throwing your balls on the line and telling the-girl-you've-known-since you-were-four what you realised tonight?  Hey, it might work, it might not.  I think the major thing with this situation, other than your pride being bitten, is that you've learned a whole lot tonight.  What you've learned might be your opportunity to make this a little better, if not with the girl, then in finding a new one.  
I'm a big fan of getting real with your emotions and seeing what happens.  Hey, I've been applauded, seduced, burned - you name it -  I haven't died yet.  Yes, you might be fucking with the universe if you tell this girl, "Look, I never knew how amazing you were, until I realised that you can't be in my life", but we all fuck with the universe every day in worse ways (like spitting negativity at each other).  Perhaps your moment of conscience and clarity was fleeting, if this is the case, at least you are starting to realise that it's a new type of person that you seek.

I know I've been all over the map with my reply... but it's really simple.  If you like the girl, let her know.  Be honest, give it.  She's not going to be angry, and I doubt a rejection would be of the negative kind.  She's liked you too long for you to be completely obliterated.  You never know what may happen... He could very well be her second best

Cheers

[Just Withnail]

Thank you for kind words and reply. Actually I'm a norwegian  

You know, I actually did "tell" her. I looked at her. I tried to say everything whilst we locked gazes. My eyes are apparently the only balls I've got. She just answered me with "You idiot, too late. Now I'm into this, and fuck if I'm not enjoying it, and already comfortable. Could've been great, you idiot. Too late. Sorry." That was her look. That's what I got, and what I deserve. Cowardice halted me speaking, and so what answer could I possibly expect, but one to match my question? You should hear her sing. So, let's say I told her, and it did work, and I got her, not he. Then how the hell could I live with it? He'd feel just like I do now, or worse (since he's probably in it deeper than me by now), and that's a guilt I don't ever wanna cope with. The opposite has become a kind of therapy for me, as each of my crushes have gone and found themselves some guy; not to go on trying in vain, to the ultimate goal of pleasing myself, but rather to try to see how them being together made her happy. I think I'll leave my honesty and confrontation back there with that look, as even if I could, I wouldn't want to ruin any relationship. And like you said, I've learnt. Hopefully. (But as I know myself, probably not). I know the drill by now. This'll last some time, then I'll be violantly jerked out of it, and the cycle will start again, only (hopefully) this time I'll change a few things along the way. The one fear of mine is: The reason I only fall in love with friends is my insane need to know someone for me to really fall (into love) hard. Now with friends, I see them all the time, and most I've known forever, so it's easy. And it always has been easy. But right now, I'm fresh out of friends to fall in love with. I've been trough them all, and now I'll either have to take on the guys (which they'll probably not appreciate), or do the insanely bold step of venturing outside the circle. Meaning: 1) I kill off my cowardly side (which is not and easy feat, you have no idea of how much havoc it's caused; godzillian I tell you), or 2) I stick to gazing and exchanging looks. Which I doubt is solid ground to base a relationship on.

[kotte]

"fortune favors the bold"

[Thrindle]

"fortune favors the bold"

Damn straight it does.   Here's the thing, Withnail grabbed some balls and it didn't turn out "so well" but he can't read the future... it could have been the perfect circumstance but he doesn't know it yet  But I'm a huge believer in the Universe.  It is better than fate.  Have you ever noticed that in every moment we are actually ok?  It's the stupid stories we tell ourselves along the way that make life difficult.

I have a feeling that when Withnail least expects it he'll find his girl.  It's funny because we all find someone... but it's completely out of the blue.

I was actually comfortable with being alone.  I was enjoying being alone (I realised that I was good company ).  And then I went online one day...

[kotte]

It's funny because we all find someone... but it's completely out of the blue.

When we stop looking we find someone...

[Just Withnail]

It's funny because we all find someone... but it's completely out of the blue.

When we stop looking we find someone...

But rarely, it seems, does that person find you.

[Thrindle]

But rarely, it seems, does that person find you.

I hate the way I "sound" on this board.  Always trite and cliche... but why stop now?

Withnail, the person will find you.  If they don't, and affection is one sided, it wouldn't have worked anyways.  It's like a miscarriage, the baby wouldn't be healthy if it was born.  In the same way, your love would not work.

Hang in there right now.  Seriously, I assumed I was done with love.  I just didn't click with anyone, or I'd find someone I was interested in... and they'd want sex, but no relationship.  I really did just give it up.  Completely.  

Instead of focusing outwards, I looked within.  I did a lot of soul searching and I actually made a long list (that I wrote down) of qualities that were necessary for me to be in a relationship with someone.  I thought that was ridiculous but my counsellor recommended it.  Anyways, as I started getting clear about what I was looking for, I started to draw people, who fit my description, toward me.  It didn't work with them (obviously) but I recognized that my standards were changing.  So were my interests.  I really took the time to find out what I liked.  I realised that I am a voracious reader, and I truly love movies.  I love coffee chats with girlfriends, and I love meeting new people.  I love my job, even though it's not anyone's version of success.  I love long drives on sunny days with cigarettes and tunage.  There are so many things that I had yet to discover about myself.  And now I've found someone who shares all of my interests and fits my description of a great person.  

Seriously Withnail, hang in there.  Get to know you.  Be your own best company... I think that is one of the most gratifying lessons I've learned.

And I'm sorry for what I'm about to say because it is so wrong when I'm trying to cosole you, and it will probably annoy everyone...  but...

I LOVE GT WITH MY ENTIRETY AND IT'S ONLY ONE MONTH UNTIL I SEE HIM AGAIN AND EVERYTHING BECOMES SIMPLE ONCE MORE[/b]

[NEON MERCURY]

what is in the trunk of your car right now?....

[El Duderino]

GT

[Gold Trumpet]

I LOVE GT WITH MY ENTIRETY AND IT'S ONLY ONE MONTH UNTIL I SEE HIM AGAIN AND EVERYTHING BECOMES SIMPLE ONCE MORE[/b]

I love this...I'll also comment on what she said before about "hating the way she sounds on this board" and all. I disagree. she's wickedly smart and honest in every genuine way and the fact she has the bravado to take on such a large thread of her own and perform with confidence and intelligence only destroys the thinking she is misrepresenting herself. No way. The only thing I bug her about is not slamming all the people who give her shit for this thread harder than she does. She plays along and doesn't let it to get to her. Better person than me. Oh, but she is represented in one sense on this board and it is because only a few people here really know how gorgeous she looks along with these brains and even if they've seen a couple of her pictures, its only an inch measured to the real deal.

Also, for just fucking saying what I quoted, its obvious she wears the pants in this relationship. I have the feeling I'll remain forever private on my feelings for her unless tortured the right way.

[SiliasRuby]

This post is to everyone but it is Specifically to Thrindle, GT, and Withnail.....I hope they all read it...

I LOVE GT WITH MY ENTIRETY AND IT'S ONLY ONE MONTH UNTIL I SEE HIM AGAIN AND EVERYTHING BECOMES SIMPLE ONCE MORE[/b]

I love this...I'll also comment on what she said before about "hating the way she sounds on this board" and all. I disagree. she's wickedly smart and honest in every genuine way and the fact she has the bravado to take on such a large thread of her own and perform with confidence and intelligence only destroys the thinking she is misrepresenting herself. No way. The only thing I bug her about is not slamming all the people who give her shit for this thread harder than she does. She plays along and doesn't let it to get to her. Better person than me. Oh, but she is represented in one sense on this board and it is because only a few people here really know how gorgeous she looks along with these brains and even if they've seen a couple of her pictures, its only an inch measured to the real deal.

Also, for just fucking saying what I quoted, its obvious she wears the pants in this relationship. I have the feeling I'll remain forever private on my feelings for her unless tortured the right way.

Ok, first let me say that this is my first post in this thread but I have been reading it ever since it got started. I really think that Thrindle is very wise and smart in not just what she says but how she presents herself to the other xixaxers on this board. I have been hesitant to ask any questions, worried that they have already been asked and redirected to the question as well as the answer. I have a slightly bad memory sometimes. Anyway, I think it is utterly sweet to see two human beings connect such as GT and Thrindle connect in such a magnificent way. I say that statement with complete sincerity and I hope for all the best in the many years to come. Now some will probably speculate that I am maybe sucking up to one of them, or whatever, but I genuinely give my best wishes to both of them. GT is a lucky man and Thrindle is a lucky gal, because I also think that GT's posts on here, even though I might not agree with all of them I respect his opinion, they are all very well written and he seems like a really great guy overall.
Moving on, this is for withnail, I went through almost the exact same thing. Although, I think the girl that I was involved with was more forgiving. Probably because she was and still is a good natured and positive person. She wrote me a long letter explaining how she felt towards me and she told me she did deeply care for me, but as a friend. (I am now getting a flashback to that scene in Magnolia during the seminar. "She told me she just wanted to be friends") Damn it, I'm rambling again...I accepted the letter and was hurt for a little while and then became comfortable with us just being really close friends, we are still close to this day which  is nice because I've known her since she was in the 7th grade and I was in the 8th and I am now currently in my start of my second of college.
Next thing I wanted to say: Thrindle is right and I am the proof. For months during my first year at college I was in a mild depression. I became slightly desperate and came on to a few woman I met at school. The goal was to try to find someone to hold. But it seems like that goal is slightly unattainable, so I threw away that idea and decided to just be on my own. I then became comfortable with being alone and doing things by myself, such as going out to the movies and eating at restaurants. I wasn't depressed about the situation that I put myself inThen at the end of july, last month, I met the most inventive and creative woman in my life, online and we have been happy ever since. So, withnail, be patient and your angel will come and it will happen when you least expect it.

Sincerely,
With much Respect and Happiness to all,

SiliasRuby

[Thrindle]

With much Respect and Happiness to all,

SiliasRuby

One of the nicest compliments I've ever gotten.  Thanks so much for even reading the Thrindle thread... I sometimes feel like it really is a train wreck.  Cheers to you, and congrats on the new lady.  

And please ask me some questions.

[SiliasRuby]

Do you have a list a things you want to do before you leave this earth (or leave your particular body if you believe in the whole reincarnation idea), if so what is on the list, if not what are the top ten things you want to do before dying?
Even though you are a Elvis Woman what Beatles tunes do you listen to on occasion?
If you had to be in film business, what profession would you most likely choose?
Please choose a certain character from a film or a character from pop culture history that you think defines who you are as a human being...Either that or...
What character from a movie or a character from pop culture history would you like be interested in being if you had the chance?....
And the screenwriter in me would like to know if you would object to having me write a monologue one woman show based on your ideas that you have expressed in this thread? (I would message you the final monologue before doing anything with it of course).

Sincerely,
With Much Respect and Happiness,
SiliasRuby...AKA Mikey B...It oh now the people on here know my name...

[cine]

SiliasRuby...AKA Mikey B...It oh now the people on here know my name...

Ask your new girlfriend to buy you a keyboard with a 'backspace' key.