Author Topic: Desperate for CONSTRUCTIVE criticism  (Read 1501 times)

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gwfa

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Desperate for CONSTRUCTIVE criticism
« on: April 15, 2004, 07:19:36 PM »
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Hello:

I am working on my documentary and have this scene that I am stuck on.  
Right now I would say it is in a final rough stage.  
I put it up on a website and would like some REAL, SERIOUS CONSTRUCTIVE criticism on it.  

The obvious improvements are audio and text.  
I am looking how I can improve the "flow" of the scene.  

The more specific the better.

Here is one specific question:

How do you feel the "interviews" work in the scene?  Do they work well?  Do they take away from it?
Thanks in advance!

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Outpatient_Cowboy

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« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2004, 09:27:43 PM »
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As it stands now the interviews are fragmentary, however I think the lead problem is your editing style. The cuts you make are great in some areas but there are too many instancesi nwhich the cut to a change of angle or dip to dither effect you used (like the time the wrestler was climbing the rope) are ineffective. I think you have some good material here and a re-edit is definitely in order. The interviews need to be actively engaged, right now they do not necessarily correspond to the material that precedes or antecedes it. You're loosing your narrative thread, and it is of utmost importance that you keep that in a doc. Audio is a great joiner of clips, you should roll a lot of your edits over your existing audio tracks, push a good 3 -5 frames before and after the interviews and this might help. Probably the leading problem is a lack of definite correlation between your interviews and the clips. I've got more to say if you like my crits. PM me.
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pete

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« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2004, 12:48:47 AM »
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good rhythm in editing, could only think of one or two really awkward cuts.  But, how long is the piece?  Are we gonna see some action?  who are the principle characters?  Is this kid only a part of it?  I don't think that training stuff can last for 10 minutes, you gotta dangle something at the audience, the training itself for 10 minutes just becomes sadistic/ masochistic (if you got the audience to identify with your hero) in the end, and it loses steam.

not entirely unrelated: my friend's workout/ training doc he made with real kickboxing champions.
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gwfa

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« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2004, 02:24:17 AM »
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Quote from: pete
good rhythm in editing, could only think of one or two really awkward cuts.  But, how long is the piece?  Are we gonna see some action?  who are the principle characters?  Is this kid only a part of it?  I don't think that training stuff can last for 10 minutes, you gotta dangle something at the audience, the training itself for 10 minutes just becomes sadistic/ masochistic (if you got the audience to identify with your hero) in the end, and it loses steam.


pete:
what did u think were the awkward cuts specifically?  I am looking for this to be feature length.  This kid is trying to win a state title.

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the training itself for 10 minutes just becomes sadistic/ masochistic (if you got the audience to identify with your hero) in the end, and it loses steam.


could you elaborate a little more on this please?  I am not quite following.

Thank You

pete

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« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2004, 11:35:50 PM »
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the cuts I'll have to look again, but the training just went on and on, and instead of focusing on his willingness to win this match, it just kinda resorted to seeing how much pain he's going through and how tired he is.
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aerokong

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« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2004, 03:01:00 AM »
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I ve just seen the scene.

To answer your specific question: I do feel the interviews are bothering. They definitely push me away of the intimate moment of training in that gym, in my opinion th ebest of the scene.

The editing is very good. I think you could watch more closely every cut, some moments flow better than others.

Speaking about the flow: the interviews come again as a problem. Plus I felt the coments, speaking mostly about the effort needed on the sport, are quite obvious, like underlining what we are seeing at the gym.

Looks good! I was really interested in the two characters...
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gwfa

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« Reply #6 on: April 18, 2004, 10:54:23 AM »
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Thank you ALL for your responses... HUGE HELP!

Quote from: aerokong
I ve just seen the scene.

To answer your specific question: I do feel the interviews are bothering. They definitely push me away of the intimate moment of training in that gym, in my opinion the best of the scene.


do you feel that it is possible to salvage the interviews or should i just boot the interviews all together.

Quote
The editing is very good. I think you could watch more closely every cut, some moments flow better than others.


i do not quite understand what you are saying here... kindly elaborate on what in particular flows and what doesn't

Quote
Speaking about the flow: the interviews come again as a problem. Plus I felt the coments, speaking mostly about the effort needed on the sport, are quite obvious, like underlining what we are seeing at the gym.


yes i agree.  i want the interviews to ECHO the visuals...  That it is not just the protagonist working so hard (although he believes he is, as one has to believe in this sport, an interesting paradox in itself.)  That the sport demands this level of hard work even in h.s.  I figured inserting interviews by world/olympic champs + head coaches, it would somewhat succesfully echo the point.  I may be wrong.  I am trying to make it work.  A successful flow of the scene + the interviews.

Thanks again for your input and kindly keep em coming.
It really helps.

 

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