Author Topic: Poof! - a short screenplay  (Read 5372 times)

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matt35mm

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Poof! - a short screenplay
« on: April 04, 2004, 04:43:18 PM »
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Okay, this is a short screenplay.  It's intentionally un-ambitious (I have a tendency to be ambitious... so I really tried to tone that down here).  I will shoot this in a few weeks, it's just something for our cast and crew to get under our belts and get into the groove of making movies.  But anyway, it's still open for criticism and changes, so I'd like to hear your thoughts.  Thanks!


Poof!

by 'matt35mm'


EXT. OUTSIDE SOMEWHERE – DAY

Open on a CLOSE UP of SCOTT, a 17-year-old fella.  He’s walking, and looking down at his feet.

WIDER SHOT

He’s walking, alone out in the middle of nowhere.

FADE TO BLACK


INT. BEDROOM – JULIE’S HOUSE – DAY

JULIE, 17, is very confused.

She’s sitting on her bed, along with Scott, and they’re in the middle of talking.

JULIE (CONT'D)
… so… you… just… magically appeared in my bathroom.  This is what you’re telling me.

SCOTT
Duh, that sounds stupid!  I know it sounds stupid, but… what else can I say?

JULIE
Uh, something more realistic might be nice.

SCOTT
Okay, just tell me what you would do if you had to explain something that sounded stupid but it was the TRUTH.  The TRUUUUTH!

Julie stops to think.

SCOTT
… the truth…


JULIE
Stop saying, “The truth!”

SCOTT
Well it IS the truth!  I can’t explain what happened.  I was walking, and I just suddenly wound up in the bathroom.

JULIE
… just as I happened to be in the shower.

SCOTT
Just as you… yes.

Julie and Scott share a beat of frustration.

Scott spots a CROSS hanging on the wall (or some other sign that Julie is a Christian).

SCOTT
Okay, okay.  What about Jesus and the Bible and all that?  You believe that, yeah?

JULIE
Of course I do.

SCOTT
See?  There’s a lot of crazy stuff in that book!

JULIE
YOU’VE read the Bible?

SCOTT
What?  Lots of people read the Bible!

JULIE
Yeah, but have YOU read it?

SCOTT
Well I get the basic gist of it…

JULIE
Fine.  So what?

SCOTT
So there!  Crazy stuff can happen and you can believe it, right?  I mean, there isn’t a clear, scientific explanation for EVERYTHING, is there then?  If you can believe that Jesus walked on water, then why can’t you believe, or just entertain the thought, that maybe what I’m saying is true?  I was walking along, and then BAM! I was all of a sudden here.

Julie is trying to wrap her head around (and contain her frustration with) Scott’s attempt at an explanation.

JULIE
Wait, wait, wait… WUH?  What does you playing Peeping Tom have to do with JESUS?

Beat.  Scott can’t think of anything to say.

JULIE
Dude, just admit it!  I don’t even care that you saw… how much did you see of me, by the way?

SCOTT
I saw EVERYTHING, okay?

Julie makes a face, but quickly hides it to try and encourage Scott into “telling the truth.”

JULIE
Fine.  So what’s done is done, y’know?  I’m not holding a grudge or anything.  I don’t even care.  Just stop making up stories and tell me the truth.  I’m not gonna do anything.  I just don’t like hearing lies, y’know?  Just, come on, tell me what happened.

Scott is getting more and more frustrated.

JULIE (Cont'd)
I mean, I KNOW what happened.  It was obvious that I was taking a shower and stuff and you walked in.  I just wanna hear you say it.

SCOTT
But what if I don’t admit to that?

JULIE
Then I’ll be upset, right?  But I won’t be upset if you just tell me that you walked in on purpose.  I promise.

Beat.

Scott lets out a big sigh.

SCOTT
Fine.  I… walked into your bathroom to try and see you naked.  Mission accomplished.  There.  Happy?

CUT TO:

EXT. JULIE’S HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

SCOTT (O.S.)
… aaaaAHHHH!!!

Scott RUNS out of the house with Julie chasing close behind.  Julie’s got a stick or bat or something like that in her hand, holding it above her head and chasing Scott like a maniac.

Just as Julie is about to SMACK DOWN on Scott, Scott VANISHES.  Yes, he vanishes into thin air.  He dissolves away.  He’s gone.

Julie is dumbfounded.  She looks around to try and find him; Scott is nowhere to be found.

Scott suddenly APPEARS again about 20 feet away from Julie.

Julie sees him.  She Is ANGRY.

SCOTT
(desperate to explain)
This isn’t a trick, I swear!  Please, just—

Scott disappears again.

Julie, again, is left dumbfounded.

She slowly lowers her bat or stick or whatever she’s holding.  She’s still angry at Scott, though.

EXT. EMPTY STREET – THAT MOMENT

Scott appears in the air and falls straight down—landing on his butt.

After a few gasps and moans of pain, he stands up and looks around trying to figure out where he is.

RANDOM PERSON (O.S.)
HEY!

Scott turns to look at the Random Person, who seems to be angry.  The Random Person and Scott are about 50 feet apart, so the Random Person has to yell a bit.

RANDOM PERSON
WHAT WAS THAT?  HOW DID YOU JUST APPEAR LIKE THAT?  WHAT DID YOU DO?

The Random Guy is big and intimidating, and Scott gets frightened really quickly.

Scott turns and runs the other way.

RANDOM PERSON
HEY!!

Scott keeps running, and the Random Person doesn’t bother to chase him.

EXT. PAYPHONE – LATER

Scott dials a number on the payphone and waits.  He’s frustrated and stressed out about the whole situation, and it shows.

Someone picks up on the other end of the phone-line.

SCOTT
Hey, man.  Uh, I’m having kind of a weird day and… I dunno, can we talk or something?
(beat)
Okay, I’m not even going to bother to explain what’s going on, cuz… I don’t even know what’s going on.  No, I’m not telling you; you’re just gonna think I’m crazy.
(beat)
Fine.  I randomly… disappear and then reappear somewhere else.  I can’t control it, and I don’t know why it’s happening.
(beat)
SEE?  I told you that you wouldn’t believe me!  Man, I just need someone to TALK TO, I—

Scott vanishes again in mid-sentence.  The phone receiver just drops down.

EXT. SUBURBAN BACKYARD – THAT MOMENT

A CHILD MAGICIAN, around 8, is performing for a small crowd of friends and family.

We can see (but the small crowd can’t) an OTHER KID hiding behind the Child Magician’s fairly good-sized cape.

The Child Magician pulls out a regular bath towel.

CHILD MAGICIAN
(hamming it up)
This, yes, WAS an ordinary bath towel.  But I have personally INFUSED IT with MAGIC!  Prepare to witness an astounding act of—

Scott appears right next to the Child Magician.  Scott has No Idea what’s going on.

The small crowd confuses this for the Child Magician’s magic trick.  They are stunned at first, and then offer up lively applause.  The small crowd is very impressed, to say the least.

The Child Magician is slack-jawed-stunned.  Even the Other Kid stands up slowly from behind the Child Magician with his mouth open and in total shock.

Scott is completely weirded-out by the applause and shock surrounding him.

Scott just slowly starts walking away, then a little faster, and a litter faster.  Soon, he’s just running away from the whole scene.

The Child Magician quickly snaps out of his daze, and doesn’t miss the opportunity to take advantage of the situation.

The Child Magician bows towards the small crowd.  The Other Kid quickly catches on and does the same.  They both soak in the glorious ovation being thrown their way.

EXT. NOT TOO FAR AWAY – THAT MOMENT

Scott stops running, and takes a quick moment to catch his breath.

He’s had enough!  He tries to figure this out to himself:

SCOTT
(to himself)
Why is this HAPPENING??  How is this possible?  Okay, okay… this morning I woke up and I got ready and I went to school.  Everything was normal.  I got back home and then I watched some TV and then I ate dinner and did some homework and then I watched some more TV and then I fell asleep and…
(Scott figures it out)
… oh…

Scott looks around at his surroundings, realizing that, YES, he’s in a dream.

Scott looks straight into the CAMERA (at us) and gives a tired, “Well I’ll be darned” look.

JULIE (O.S.)
AHHHHH!!!

Scott quickly turns to see Julie RUNNING at him with her big ol’ bat in hand, raised above her head.

JULIE
YOU PERVERT!!

Scott, scared out of his gourd, RUNS the other way, screaming.

He runs off screen LEFT, followed closely by Julie.

CUT TO BLACK

THE END

kotte

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Poof! - a short screenplay
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2004, 04:55:52 PM »
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The dialogue needs work. It's too spelled out.
And people talking to themselfs is never a good idea.

Other than that it's fine...could be a bit too ambitious still.

matt35mm

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Poof! - a short screenplay
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2004, 05:03:58 PM »
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I've done technical tests and so the technical side of things is something I can handle--not too ambitious.

Do you think all the dialogue needs work, or mostly that last part?  What if... another Scott appeared and he started talking to the other Scott--so that he's still talking to himself, in a way that doesn't feel absurd to him in the moment.  Then they both reach the same conclusion at the end and both say, "Oh."

Or maybe someone or something else shows up that he can talk to.  I want to keep the idea of him sorta figuring it out for himself.

kotte

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Poof! - a short screenplay
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2004, 05:14:48 PM »
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Quote from: matt35mm
I've done technical tests and so the technical side of things is something I can handle--not too ambitious.

Do you think all the dialogue needs work, or mostly that last part?  What if... another Scott appeared and he started talking to the other Scott--so that he's still talking to himself, in a way that doesn't feel absurd to him in the moment.  Then they both reach the same conclusion at the end and both say, "Oh."

Or maybe someone or something else shows up that he can talk to.  I want to keep the idea of him sorta figuring it out for himself.


I think you should find another way for him to find out it's a dream. There are tons of possibilities.

It just feels like Scott and Julie talk with the same voice.

El Duderino

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« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2004, 05:17:38 PM »
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i liked it, but i agree with kotte,  there are tons  of other possibilities that he can realize he's in a dream. but overall, i thought i t was good, are you gonna film it?
Did I just get cock-blocked by Bob Saget?

matt35mm

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Poof! - a short screenplay
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2004, 05:40:52 PM »
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Yeah I'm gonna shoot it in a few weeks.

Okay, I'm gonna tinker around with it some more.  Another thing is that it is a bit open for the actors to change things around and improv a bit... so that 'same voice' thing might be resolved there.

matt35mm

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Poof! - a short screenplay
« Reply #6 on: April 04, 2004, 10:36:53 PM »
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Okay... what if I just left the Julie and Scott dialogue open to some improvisation... and then changed the ending a little bit.  It's not very different, but still:

Okay so after the Child Magician scene, we cut to:

EXT. NOT TOO FAR AWAY – THAT MOMENT

Scott stops running, and takes a quick moment to catch his breath.

ANOTHER SCOTT—just a duplicated Scott—walks into the shot.

ANOTHER SCOTT
Okay, WHAT is going on?

Scott doesn’t find anything odd about Another Scott, and just converses with him(self) normally.

SCOTT
Man, I don’t know!

ANOTHER SCOTT
Well think about it, cuz this is really bugging me.

SCOTT
Bugging YOU?  I’M the one dealing with all of this!

ANOTHER SCOTT
Yeah I know; I was there, too.

SCOTT
Why don’t YOU tell ME what’s going on?

Another Scott thinks about it for a moment.

ANOTHER SCOTT
Okay, I don’t know, either.  Just… try and think about what you did earlier today.  Did you do anything out of the ordinary?

SCOTT
Okay, uh… I woke up like normal.

ANOTHER SCOTT
Then I got ready and went to school like normal.

SCOTT
Then I got home.

ANOTHER SCOTT
Then I watched some TV.

SCOTT
Then I ate dinner.

ANOTHER SCOTT
Then I watched some more TV.

SCOTT
Um… oh right, then I “did my homework.”

Both Scotts chuckle a bit.

ANOTHER SCOTT
Then I took a shower, right?

SCOTT
No, no, I MEANT to, but I fell asleep while watching TV, and…

Both Scotts figure it out.

BOTH SCOTTS
… oh…

Scott looks around at his surroundings, realizing that, YES, he’s in a dream.

SCOTT
Well that would explain why you—

Another Scott is gone.

SCOTT
Oh.

INT. SCOTT’S BEDROOM – MORNING

Scott wakes up.

He looks around the room, getting back into gear after his weird dream.

He gets up and turns on the light, and rubs his eyes a bit.

JULIE (O.S.)
AHHHHH!!!

Scott quickly turns to see Julie RUNNING at him with her big ol’ bat in hand, raised above her head.

Scott, scared out of his gourd, JUMPS out of bed just as Julie slams the bat down on his bed.

JULIE
You PERVERT!!

Scott RUNS at the CAMERA and off screen.

Julie follows and, at an attempt to hit Scott, SMACKS the CAMERA.

The CAMERA violently JOLTS to the side and…

CUT TO BLACK

THE END

El Duderino

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Poof! - a short screenplay
« Reply #7 on: April 04, 2004, 11:12:41 PM »
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Quote from: matt35mm


SCOTT
Um… oh right, then I “did my homework.”

Both Scotts chuckle a bit.


i like it more than the original and that line, IMO, is brilliant. made me laugh. nice job.
Did I just get cock-blocked by Bob Saget?

kotte

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« Reply #8 on: April 05, 2004, 02:21:36 AM »
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I can't say I like the new version.

The two Scott idea is fine but that fact alone should suggest it's a dream...but I mean, if you think it works than that's what matters.

They call it taste. :)

superdrag76

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« Reply #9 on: April 10, 2004, 12:17:51 AM »
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scrap this, dude. it's a waste of time.

matt35mm

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« Reply #10 on: April 10, 2004, 01:31:04 AM »
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Kinda too late for that, but could you elaborate?

I welcome criticism as long as the reason isn't that it's too cute or too light.  Cuz... that's sorta what I was going for--as I got tired of that compoundedly cynical and profanity-filled stuff that everyone else is writing.

kotte

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« Reply #11 on: April 11, 2004, 11:25:14 AM »
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Quote from: superdrag76
scrap this, dude. it's a waste of time.


It's not good.

And I kinda have to agree. It's not tight enough and it's too big.
I'm not saying you're a bad writer, not at all. I just don't like it.

What I meant with

Quote from: kotte
They call it taste. :)

Outpatient_Cowboy

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« Reply #12 on: April 11, 2004, 12:49:14 PM »
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I definitely agree, I think you could be endangering your cast and crew if you went ahead with this one. I'm not sure I like conceptually what is happening with the script and even the execution is a bit shaky. I know you have good ideas so I'm letting you know about this one. It's completely fine, we all write some things which just arent worth shooting, problem is there aren't enough people in the world to take you aside and say "look kid...." so that's what we're all trying to do now. I know that you wanted to use this as a primer, which is an interesting idea in itself, but as they say "if it aint in the script it aint on the screen" and if your cast and crew sees this (even if it is technically well executed) I believe it to be a likely possibiliy that they will lose faith in you and could possibly hamper the production process for your larger project, something you should stringly avoid doing, you'll need every last little bit of faith you can get. Best intentions, and best of luck .
"...like nailing Jello to a tree"

matt35mm

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« Reply #13 on: May 05, 2004, 06:24:29 PM »
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Hmm... making this movie anyway.  I'm 2/5 of the way through.  Everyone's having a good time and everyone seems to be enjoying what I've got so far.  It's going quite well.

<----------- that is a screenshot from the movie.

El Duderino

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« Reply #14 on: May 05, 2004, 06:27:02 PM »
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Hah! that's awesome
Did I just get cock-blocked by Bob Saget?

 

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