Author Topic: Oooooh Shit... Heres my short script.. check it out  (Read 1679 times)

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Thecowgoooesmooo

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Oooooh Shit... Heres my short script.. check it out
« on: October 21, 2003, 11:20:15 PM »
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Hey guys, heres my short i typed up. Im going to shoot this pretty soon. Anyways this is a rough draft, but let me know what you think. Damn sorry bout the formatting! It sucks when you copy and paste it over!

thanks

chris
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BLACK SCREEN

We hear the SOUNDS of a TYPICAL RESTAURANT setting. Silverware, dishes, and drinks. Conversations fill the air and add atmosphere.

One is more clearly heard than the others.

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

FLASHES of the restaurant are seen, but still mostly black. We don’t see the man and the woman who are talking, who we will call WILSON and THE WOMAN.

               THE WOMAN
         Ok, so, truth or dare?

               WILSON
         What?

               THE WOMAN
         Truth or dare?

               WILSON
         Why are we playing this?

               THE WOMAN
         Stop being a baby, just say one.

               WILSON
         Uh… truth.

         THE WOMAN
         Ever wear women’s clothes?

We hear Wilson COUGH briefly on food or drink, and then LAUGH.

               WILSON
         No, no. No way. I’m not like that.

               THE WOMAN
         Like what?

               WILSON
You know, like. I’m not a weirdo or anything.

He LAUGHS again.

               THE WOMAN
         Yeah. So, uh, what happened to...

               
WILSON
I knew you were gonna ask that. Is it still really noticeable?

               THE WOMAN
         It’s swollen pretty badly.

INT. BATHROOM STALL – DAY

A mid-thirties, pasty, pudgy man sits on the toilet. A few beads of sweat trickle down his forehead as he stares through a crack in the stall door. This is Wilson.

A YOUNG BOY stares back from the other side, rocking back and forth on the heels of his tennis shoes.

This situation is awkward.

               WILSON
         Hey, I can see you looking at me.

No response from the Young Boy, he just keeps looking.

               WILSON (cont’d)
What are you doing? Get away from the door! Jesus Christ!

Silence.

Wilson takes a deep breath as his face becomes flushed with anger.

               WILSON (cont’d)
         You little mother...

INT. BUILDING – CONT.

A large, burly FATHER waits outside of the bathroom. He wears a #1 DAD hat, khaki shorts, and a collared shirt.

The MUSIC kicks in, and that’s all we hear.

The Young Boy comes out of the bathroom crying and runs straight to his Father, grabbing his leg and pointing into the bathroom. The Father grinds his teeth together as the story is told from the Young Boy.

The enraged Father enters the bathroom, fists balled.

INT. BATHROOM – CONT.

The music is still playing as Wilson sits on the toilet, confused as to why someone is banging on the stall door.

Wilson begins talking to the Father on the other side of the door. Fear is in Wilson’s eyes. Something bad is going to happen, most likely to Wilson.

Wilson looks to his left and a small square of toilet tissue remains. It’s not enough by far, and he closes his eyes, willing this whole situation to go away.

It doesn’t work, obviously.

INT. BATHROOM – CONT.

Wilson opens the stall door, emerging reluctantly from its protection, and is greeted with a fist.

INT. STATION WAGON – DAY

The music continues, but now it’s coming from a shitty car stereo in Wilson’s shitty, old Station Wagon. There is a large, swollen black and blue ring around Wilson’s right eye, but he uses it to glance to his right.

Windows down, music up, four annoying TEEN GIRLS bounce around in their daddy’s SUV. One of the Girls notices Wilson and laughs. The others join in.

Miserable, Wilson looks to his left at the rigged HONDA revving its engine, taunting Wilson and his Station Wagon.

Wilson looks forward, staring at the red light. The red light stares back, unsympathetic.

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

BLACK SCREEN

The same restaurant, the same background noises, the same conversation between Wilson and The Woman.

FLASHES of the restaurant are seen, but still no sign of Wilson and The Woman.

               THE WOMAN
So you said you work at a video store, right?

               WILSON
No, no it’s not like a video rental place. We do, like, video duplications for people and editing, and film transfers, and production, and stuff like that.

               THE WOMAN
            (unimpressed)
         Oh.

               



WILSON
            (proudly)
But yeah, we do a lot of things there, but we mostly do DVD’s for people. Lots of people want their family videos put onto DVD.

EXT. STRIP MALL PLAZA – DAY

Duplication, Production, Editing, and Film Transfer is advertised on the outside of a small store window. This small store is tucked in a Strip Mall Plaza.

INT. STORE BACK ROOM – CONT.

The walls are plain and white. Shelves are lined up against one wall and are covered with video equipment.

Wilson stands in front of the shelves holding a remote control. He pushes a button and a stack of VCR’s eject their tapes, all at the same time.

INT. STORE BACK ROOM – LATER

Wilson boxes tapes.

INT. STORE BACK ROOM – LATER

Pressing buttons, plugging in cables, and inspecting a camera, Wilson continues to carry on.

INT. FRONT COUNTER – LATER

Wilson stands behind the front counter, talking to a customer. The customer is female, old, and obese. She holds a video and nods her head like she has any idea what he is explaining to her...which she doesn’t.

               WILSON
See, if I were you, I would get all my home movies transferred to DVD. That’s definitely the way to go.

CUT TO:

               WILSON (cont’d)
Videotapes are going out like 8 tracks. Everyone’s going to DVD.

CUT TO:

               WILSON (cont’d)
Well, I mean, if you’re talking about quality...definitely DVD.

Wilson waves a DVD in the air like a maniac.

CUT TO:

               WILSON (cont’d)
Ok, so you want these two tapes transferred to DVD, right?

CUT TO:

               WILSON (cont’d)
Uh huh, ok, yeah I would definitely go with DVD.

CUT TO:

               WILSON (cont’d)
I mean, I can transfer to VHS, yes, but most people have DVD players now a days. So pretty much, you know, DVD is the way to go.

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

BLACK SCREEN

Once again we are back in the restaurant. Everything is the same as before.

                              THE WOMAN
          Oh my god, that is so funny! Did he
                  see you come in?
               
               WILSON
         Nope. But I knew something was up
                  though.
   
               THE WOMAN
                       (laughing)
         No you didn’t…

               WILSON
         And after I asked him, he just looked
                  at me with this confused look on his
                  face like I didn’t hear anything! I was
         kind of pissed but he smelled bad.

               THE WOMAN
         Yea they usually do. I just ignore them
         when I walk by.

EXT. BUILDING – WALKWAY

Wilson strolls along under a building walkway. Up ahead a homeless man is seen walking towards Wilson.

Stopping in front of Wilson, the disheveled, frail looking man blocks Wilson’s path.

The smell of this bum makes Wilson take one step back.
               WILSON
         Hey.

Opening his mouth the homeless man gurgles out something while handing a piece of paper to Wilson.

               WILSON
         No thanks.

The homeless man shoves the crinkled paper in Wilson’s hand.

The paper reads:

Hello, my name is Bobby San Fernando. I have a disease called Trickoclamidia. This disease leaves me mute and deaf. Because of this, I am unable to work. Can you please spare some money for food?

Wilson looks up at the homeless man. He suddenly feels bad and obligated to open his wallet.

               WILSON
         Oh, sure. Yea.

Wallet opening.

               WILSON
                   Here’s uh… 3 dollars.

The homeless man holds up a stained brown bucket. Wilson drops the money in awkwardly.

The man bows his head and stands again waiting.

               WILSON
         Okay…

The man gurgles out something and points at Wilson’s wallet again, waiting patiently.

               WILSON
         You need more?

The man holds up 1 finger in the air.

               WILSON
                        (forced smile)
         Okay, I’m going to give you one more
         dollar for a number two at Mcdonalds
         you money hunger piece of shit. You
         can’t hear me can you? Huh. Ok. Here
         you go…

Wilson reluctantly gives up another dollar.

Graciously, the homeless man hands Wilson a few stickers with American flags on them, smiling.

INT. ICE CREAM PARLOR – DAY

Wilson walks in looking around. A cute girl stands behind the counter scooping out ice cream. A few people sit in chairs licking there cones.

Some people stand in line waiting to be served. At the front of the line is the old homeless man.

               CUTE GIRL
            Here you go.

Ringing up the register.

               HOMELESS MAN
            Thank you. Can I have some extra
                        napkins please?

Wilson has a look of utter disbelief.

               CUTE GIRL
            Sure.

Handing over napkins.

               CUTE GIRL
            It’s going to be $3.25.

Ice cream cone in one hand, the homeless man hands over Wilson’s 4 dollars.

Wilson stands staring with mouth slightly open.

               HOMELESS MAN
            Thanks.

Licking his tall ice cream cone he notices Wilson stands in the back of the line.

               WILSON
            Hey asshole I thought you were mute
            deaf or whatever.

The homeless man continues walking past, ignoring Wilson.

               WILSON
            Hey! Do you hear me!?

Families look up from their tables. One parent scowls at Wilson’s language.

Pushing the door open the homeless man looks at Wilson with a dumbfounded look.

Wilson glares at the bum as he walks off. The bum turns and sticks his tongue out.

Shaking his head, Wilson turns to face the staring customers.

INT. RETAIL STORE – NIGHT

The MUSIC starts, and that’s all we hear.

Wilson walks down the medicine aisle of a retail consumer superstore. A few people push carts around behind him, going about their own business.

Wilson is searching for something, but having difficulty finding it. Two teenage girls, store EMPLOYEES, stand a few feet away. Wilson looks at the Employees for help, but they ignore him.

Wilson walks over and attempts to get a word in, but he is still ignored. Giving up, Wilson stands there staring blankly.

Finally, the Employees turn their attention to Wilson. One of the girls winces, pointing to her right eye.

Wilson looks disgusted.

EXT. RETAIL STORE PARKING

Wilson comes out of the store empty handed. He sighs and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. As he does this a tall, dark-haired woman walks up to Wilson. This is The Woman.

               THE WOMAN
         Can I borrow your lighter?

               WILSON
            (stuttering)
         Yeah, sure. Here.

Wilson fumbles with his lighter before handing it to her. She smiles warmly at him, and he awkwardly returns it. For him, it’s love at first sight.

The MUSIC beings again, and we hear nothing but.

BLACK SCREEN

A TITLE CARD: first date

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

We hear the familiar sounds of the restaurant over black, but only for a few seconds.

We FADE IN on the restaurant.

Wilson and The Woman sit at a booth, drinking, eating, and having an awkward time together.

               WILSON
         You have the most beautiful eyes.

               THE WOMAN
         Well, thank you very much. That’s sweet.

               WILSON
         You get that allot?

               WOMAN
         Only that on dates that are going well, I guess.

               WILSON
         I think this I is a pretty good first date, if you ask me.

               WOMAN
         Hey, I’m going to excuse myself to the ladies room, ok.

               WILSON
         I’ll be waiting.

As The Woman walks towards the bathroom, Wilson leans over to check her out.

               WILSON (cont’d)
         Goddamn, too fine.

INT. WOMEN’S BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Entering the bathroom stall, The Woman does not sit. Standing up we hear the SOUND of urine splashing, ending with a shake.

It is now evident The Woman is a man.

The Woman comes out of the stall, checking himself out in the mirror. From a purse, the transvestite pulls out prescription pill labeled “HORMONE SUPPLEMENTS”. He takes a few, then smiles.

INT. RESTAURANT – CONT.

We close in on Wilson’s sorry, dough face. He’s smiling.

It’s his lucky day.

Lucinda Bryte

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Oooooh Shit... Heres my short script.. check it out
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2003, 11:28:54 PM »
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I kinda like it. I thought it was going to be about the sad life that this Wilson guy leads but the ending is unexpected and makes it sort of humourous but in a still sad way.

Yeah I make no sense now.

Weak2ndAct

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« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2003, 11:37:22 PM »
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Hmmm, I hate to be a Negative Nancy, but your whole story is setting up a punchline that isn't quite funny (at least IMHO).  And I don't quite see the point of the homeless guy interlude-- we already know Wilson is frustrated, it doesn't pay off to anything later.  I'm not a big fan of monatges in shorts-- I think you sell Wilson's horrible job in one funny scene, rather than a bunch of quick cuts.  That's my 2 cents.

Lucinda Bryte

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« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2003, 11:52:20 PM »
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Maybe it should end with Wilson committing suicide. That might make it more funny.  :-D

Sleuth

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« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2003, 12:31:33 AM »
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I don't think the story should finish there.  Like Weak said, it shouldn't lead up to some punchline.  By this point we're really interested to find more
I like to hug dogs

Thecowgoooesmooo

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Oooooh Shit... Heres my short script.. check it out
« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2003, 12:40:38 PM »
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Quote
I don't think the story should finish there. Like Weak said, it shouldn't lead up to some punchline. By this point we're really interested to find more



Hey guys thanks for the opinions, appreciate it. I don't really find any of this funny (except for the homeless guy(true story lol)), that wasen't really my main intention, if it gets any laughs thats just a added bonus. But anyways, what im trying to do, is just tell a story about a guy telling the story of his bad day to a woman he has just met, in a somewhat creative way. As you see, there is a pattern developed leading to a somewhat "punchline" at the end of every scene something bad happens, I wanted to fool the audience at the end by making everyone think that his bad day has finally ended but then fool everyone by coming back to the same pattern that has been repeated over and over.  


any more opinions or critiques


chris

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« Reply #6 on: March 09, 2005, 10:57:25 PM »
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Haha.  And that he's been banned for a good long while, too.

 

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