Author Topic: SNL Fanatic  (Read 8346 times)

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Jeremy Blackman

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« on: June 17, 2003, 05:04:21 PM »
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Just cause I feel like it, I'm resurrecting my transcript of PTA's SNL skit. This was originally posted on the ptanderson.com message board on March 13, 2002.

Here's some background information:
http://us.imdb.com/Title?0331625
http://www.ptanderson.com/shortfilms/snlfanatic.htm




Kenny is walking toward the camera in a suburbian neighborhood. He looks to be in his early 20s.

KENNY
What?s up MTV? This is Kenny VanMacintosh. My best friend Jason is Totally into Miss Anna Nicole Smith, and I?m about to deliver the news to him, and he?s gonna meet her today, on FANatic!

Title card.
Montage of images.

NARRATOR (male)
FANatic.

NARRATOR (female)
You sent in your video tape to fanatic. You were chosen. Now meet your inspiration.

ANNA NICOLE SMITH
I will Kick! Your! Ass!

KENNY
Jason needs this. Cause his parents just got divorced about six months ago and they left him alone. So let?s Do this.

Jason is in the distance making a pathetic looking slam dunk at a suburban basketball court.

KENNY (to Jason)
You?re gonna meet her. You?re gonna meet Miss Anna Nicole Smith! You?re gonna meet her...

Kenny tackles Jason while he tells him this. Jason goes insane with confusion and bliss. He starts screaming. They roll around on the ground in laughter and excitement.

Cut to Anna for a second.

ANNA
Don?t ... make fun of me!

Now back to Kenny. He is walking in the snow.

JASON
Yeah... I was gonna kill myself a couple of years ago, but then I saw Miss Anna in Skyscraper, that?s her movie, I saw it on Cinemax, and it really inspired me not to kill myself.

Parody Skyscraper clip. Anna is flying a helicopter.

ANNA
Van Nuys tower, this is One Rocket Charlie. We?re heading eastbound leaving your hairspace.

Later.

ANNA
Chauncey. We gotta find a way outta here. There?s people coming. Chauncey help me. C?mon.

Back to Jason.

JASON
Miss Anna?s really inspired me in a lot of ways. She?s really been through a lot in her her real life and she didn?t kill herself. And she had every reason to. She probably should have. And and and, you know, plus she?s a lot like my mom.

Back to Anna.

ANNA
Who?s laughing at me? Quit making excuses.

Back to Jason. He?s riding in a limo, with Kenny, to meet Anna.

KENNY
You?re gonna meet her for freakin? real. What are you going to ask her?

JASON
Dude I?m I?m just gonna be myself, man. I?m gonna be myself and I?m ... I?m gonna got the courage. I?m not gonna take any BS this time. I?m just gonna look her right in the eye and I?m gonna say ?Anna, will you adopt me?? and then I?m gonna make her my mom, MTV style! Thanks FANatic!

Jason pops out of the limo?s sunroof, striking a victorious pose.

KENNY
Anna!

Cut to a few minutes later, when Jason is actually there. He?s sobbing and his face is wet.

JASON (crying, to Kenny)
I can?t do it man.

ANNA
When is this shit gonna happen?

KENNY
Look at my eyes. This is Kenny, man. This is Kenny you?re talking to, right buddy?

JASON
I can?t, Kenny, I...

KENNY
C?mon, you get in there, and you make her be your mom. C?mon! Let?s Do it!

JASON
Okay man, all right.

Jason and Kenny walk in.

Anna is slumped lazily on the couch.

KENNY (to Anna)
That?s him. That?s Jason. That?s your number one fan, that?s the fanatic.

Jason approaches Anna and lays down on the couch next to her, sobbing.

JASON
Oh my God, I... I can?t believe this.

A few minutes later.

JASON (to Anna)
Miss Anna, since both my parents divorced, and they both left me, and I was wondering if you would please be my mother.

Anna smiles and doesn?t respond.

Jason stares at her.

ANNA
You wanna help mommy put on some lipstick?

KENNY
Dude, she said ?mommy?! You?re gonna do it! Put on the lipstick!

Jason puts the lipstick on Anna, she sticks out her tongue, he gets closer and closer, and kisses her. She kisses him for a second, but then bursts out in anger.

ANNA
Whoa! Get off of me! You get outta my hairspace!

JASON
Hey I?m sorry...

ANNA
You Stink! You Stink! You get outta my hairspace!

Cut to a few minutes later. Jason is standing by an elevator being interviewed.

JASON
I think that went pretty well, you know? It?s like ah... this morning I was shooting hoops, and now I?m just... kind of... Well she?s not gonna be my mom overnight, you know? It?s not. It?s a relationship you work on, you know? It takes... it takes time. It?s .... it doesn?t happen... right away, you know? And maybe it?s all Hollywood BS, I can?t really tell, but...

We hear the elevator bell.

JASON (cont?d)
Kenny's still... kickin? there with her. So it?s cool. Thanks FANatic.

He turns and walks to the elevator, which has been open for a few seconds. He approaches it as it closes.

JASON
Ahh.

Title card.
Montage.

NARRATOR (male)
FANatic. FANatic.

CUT TO SNL TITLE CARD.

(END)
"Hunger is the purest sin"

Duck Sauce

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Re: SNL Fanatic
« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2003, 07:50:28 PM »
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Quote from: Jeremy Blackman
This was originally posted on the ptanderson.com message board on March 13, 2002.


I wasnt even alive yet

ono

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« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2003, 08:13:06 PM »
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Fishbulb

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« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2003, 10:22:59 AM »
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It's funny how even in this short parody film, some of PTA's recurring themes come through. Like the theme of someone being pathetically obsessed with someone else that they can't have (Scotty with Dirk in Boogie Nights, Donnie Smith with the braces-wearing bartender in Magnolia, etc.) Also, the whole "make her your mom" thing kind of reminds me of that scene in Boogie Nights with Rollergirl: "Will you be my mom?" This also ties in with PTA's constant theme of loss of one's parents, or abandonment. Jason's parents "got divorced about six months ago and they left him alone". The whole loss of father-unability for father and son to connect was pretty much the running theme of Magnolia: Stanley Spector and his dad, Claudia and Jimmy Gator, Frank T.J Mackey and Earl Partridge, etc. etc.

Ok, maybe I'm reaching here, but as Janeane Garofalo once said, someone get PTA a magazine rack, because he has a lot of issues :)

ᾦɐļᵲʊʂ

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« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2003, 10:33:43 AM »
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That's what makes his work beautiful.
"As a matter of fact I only work with the feeling of something magical, something seemingly significant. And to keep it magical I don't want to know the story involved, I just want the hypnotic effect of it somehow seeming significant without knowing why." - Len Lye

JP

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« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2003, 06:58:51 PM »
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The PTA SNL skit was shown last night on The Best of Molly Shannon.  Chances are that the skit will be on the The Best of Molly Shannon dvd coming out Tuesday.  So if you haven't seen the skit, pick up the dvd.

aclockworkjj

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« Reply #6 on: August 10, 2003, 07:24:00 PM »
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Quote from: JP
The PTA SNL skit was shown last night on The Best of Molly Shannon.  Chances are that the skit will be on the The Best of Molly Shannon dvd coming out Tuesday.  So if you haven't seen the skit, pick up the dvd.


anyone know of a place I can see it where I don't have to actually support the rest of Molly Shannon's bullshit?...sorry, I am not a fan of SNL at all.....at least not now.....once Farley went, so did I.

Jeremy Blackman

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« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2003, 12:31:58 AM »
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Quote from: aclockworkjj
anyone know of a place I can see it where I don't have to actually support the rest of Molly Shannon's bullshit?...sorry, I am not a fan of SNL at all.....at least not now.....once Farley went, so did I.


I'll probably buy the DVD just for the SNL skit. It would be worth it. It's just like getting the Lumiere movie for the Lynch short. No shame in that.
"Hunger is the purest sin"

Stefen

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Re: SNL Fanatic
« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2007, 04:35:59 PM »
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I re-watched this little skit recently and it's really funny how with the events over the last year involving Anna Nicole Smith and her son, that this skit is about a fan meeting a heavily medicated Anna Nicole Smith asking her if he can be her son.

HILARIOUS!!!
Let's go to a motel. We don't have to do anything -- we could just swim.

bonanzataz

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Re: SNL Fanatic
« Reply #9 on: May 30, 2007, 07:49:01 PM »
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why not?
The corpses all hang headless and limp bodies with no surprises and the blood drains down like devil’s rain we’ll bathe tonight I want your skulls I need your skulls I want your skulls I need your skulls Demon I am and face I peel to see your skin turned inside out, ’cause gotta have you on my wall gotta have you on my wall, ’cause I want your skulls I need your skulls I want your skulls I need your skulls collect the heads of little girls and put ’em on my wall hack the heads off little girls and put ’em on my wall I want your skulls I need your skulls I want your skulls I need your skulls

The Red Vine

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Re: SNL Fanatic
« Reply #10 on: May 30, 2007, 07:59:08 PM »
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It's no Magnolia.....
"No, really. Just do it. You have some kind of weird reasons that are okay.">

squints

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Re: SNL Fanatic
« Reply #11 on: May 31, 2007, 04:15:25 AM »
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you know i wasn't quite sure of Stan Brakhage's influence on everything until i saw that.
“The myth by no means finds its adequate objectification in the spoken word. The structure of the scenes and the visible imagery reveal a deeper wisdom than the poet himself is able to put into words and concepts” – Friedrich Nietzsche

mogwai

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Re: SNL Fanatic
« Reply #12 on: May 31, 2007, 05:36:57 AM »
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funnier than pdl.

grand theft sparrow

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Re: SNL Fanatic
« Reply #13 on: May 31, 2007, 07:25:24 AM »
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But not as funny as TWBB.

Jeremy Blackman

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Re: SNL Fanatic
« Reply #14 on: October 10, 2010, 07:31:18 PM »
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I want a working link for a video of SNL Fanatic. Can anyone deliver?

If not, I will have to rent this, assuming it's actually on there.
"Hunger is the purest sin"

 

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