Author Topic: about pta  (Read 5121 times)

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depooter

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« Reply #15 on: June 04, 2003, 10:36:53 AM »
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Check out my pic with pta (in the about the site section) I'm short. about 5 8. so I would guess pta is about 5 10...

BackUpOffMeFoo

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« Reply #16 on: June 04, 2003, 05:22:55 PM »
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He is about 6' 8"

He plays B-Ball in europe over the summer.
Serious?

sphinx

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« Reply #17 on: June 04, 2003, 06:45:59 PM »
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look at that craning neck

who took the picture, greg?

Vile5

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« Reply #18 on: June 05, 2003, 11:16:12 AM »
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Why exactly do you want to know how tall is PTA????? My mind is flying!
but i'm sure he is 8'2
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depooter

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« Reply #19 on: June 06, 2003, 11:30:39 AM »
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A friend of mine named Bill Hader. He is craning a bit, but trust me, he's not that tall.......

dufresne

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« Reply #20 on: June 06, 2003, 12:40:03 PM »
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this thread reminds me of those Bill Brasky sketches on SNL.

[Fade in to a crowded Chuck E. Cheese.]

Salesman #1: Hey... do you guys know a fella by the name of Bill Brasky?

Salesman #2: Bill Brasky!

Salesman #3: Best damn snowmobile salesman there ever was!

Salesman #1: He uses Old Spice aftershave as nasal spray!

Salesman #2: He fashions graven images from frozen seawater!

Salesman #3: He brushes his teeth with a meat cleaver and rock salt!

Salesman #1: This one time, Brasky burned a CD with nothing but the sounds of his bowel movements and the screams of his manservants. It went triple platinum within the month.

Salesman #2: He owns the PAX network.

Salesman #3: He thought "The Princess Diaries" was both "charming" and "sweet depiction of one girl's emergence from youth into womanhood".

Salesman #1: He made Styx BITE IT!

Salesman #2: They say he bleeds peppermint vodka.

Salesman #3: Did I ever tell ya about the time that Brasky and I took a hot air balloon trip over Los Angeles? Brasky brings an atomic bomb and drops it on the city! Then, he looks at me and says, "It would have happened sooner or later."

Salesman #1: The movie "Deliverance" was based on Brasky's experiences as a kindergarden teacher.

Salesman #2: His memoirs are tattooed on Ruth Buzzi!

Salesman #3: He's producing Battlefield Earth 2!

Salesman #1: He recieves radio messages from Mars on his scrotum!

Salesman #2: His big toe is holding up Australia!

Salesman #3: He took The Blair Witch to his senior prom!

Salesman #1: He makes N'Sync keep Chris!

Salesman #2: He invented "The Cleveland Steamer"!

Salesman #3: Most people don't know this, but Bill Brasky has children! This one time, he was banging a hooker and wouldn't ya know it, his semen shoots straight through her tailbone, up through the ceiling and into the sky where it hit a plane! Nine months later, every woman on that plane had Brasky's children! [takes a drink] When they tried to get child support... he paid it every month.

Salesman #1: To Bill Brasky!

Salesman #2 & #3: To Bill Brasky!

Salesman #1: His pubic hair was woven into the Sir Lankan flag!

Salesman #2: His favorite actor is Greg Kinnear!

Salesman #3: His middle name is Julian!

Salesman #1: He uses live elk for toilet paper!

Salesman #2: His cover version of Limp Bizkit's "My Way" appeared on the soundtrack for "Titanic". The pope himself thought the song crackled with energy but he didn't like the sound of burning preschoolers in the background!

[Woman #1 comes over.]

Woman #1: Excuse me. Could you gentlemen please quiet down a bit? We're trying to have a birthday party for my son.

Salesman #3: Yank off, sister! And get us some more complimentary caramel corn!

[She leaves.]

Salesman #1: Did I ever tell you boys about the time that Bill Brasky wanted a World Series ring? Wouldn't ya know it, but Brasky kills the entire starting lineup of the 1998 New York Yankees! All except Clay Bellinger. They beat The Atlanta Braves in four games. Brasky was the MVP.

Salesman #2: He pisses farm fresh orange juice!

Salesman #3: He makes his grandchildren call him "The Anal Astrologist".

Salesman #1: His favorite contestant on Survivor is Teresa.

Salesman #2: To Bill Brasky!

Salesman #1 & #3: To Bill Brasky!

[Fade out.]
There are shadows in life, baby.

SoNowThen

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« Reply #21 on: June 06, 2003, 12:48:28 PM »
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That's fucking brilliant. Can you put a script of every Brasky sketch on here? I don't think I've ever laughed harder than the one with Alec Baldwin in the bar...

oh wait, yeah, the Tony Little Pyramid Of Pain was funnier. That's a classic.

And Will Farrel doing Neil Diamond, explaining how he wrote all his songs.
"This last one, I wrote after I killed a drifter to get an erection..."
Those who say that the totalitarian state of the Soviet Union was not "real" Marxism also cannot admit that one simple feature of Marxism makes totalitarianism necessary:  the rejection of civil society. Since civil society is the sphere of private activity, its abolition and replacement by political society means that nothing private remains. That is already the essence of totalitarianism; and the moralistic practice of the trendy Left, which regards everything as political and sometimes reveals its hostility to free speech, does nothing to contradict this implication.

When those who hated capital and consumption (and Jews) in the 20th century murdered some hundred million people, and the poster children for the struggle against international capitalism and America are now fanatical Islamic terrorists, this puts recent enthusiasts in an awkward position. Most of them are too dense and shameless to appreciate it, and far too many are taken in by the moralistic and paternalistic rhetoric of the Left.

ono

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« Reply #22 on: June 06, 2003, 01:12:40 PM »
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Oh man, that is fucking hilarious!  I haven't laughed so hard in a while, either.  Thing is about those sketches though, is they're so much more well written than they are performed, because I don't remember them being nearly as funny.

dufresne

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« Reply #23 on: June 06, 2003, 01:50:07 PM »
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there might be some repeats...

"Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch!"

"Bill Brasky is the father of every kid in this town!"

"One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Bill Brasky! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Billbrasky' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

"He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!"

"His poop is used as currency in Argentina."

"He sweats Gatorade"

"He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."

"He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!"

"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."

"He sheds his skin once a year."

"He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia."

"He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Brasky!"

"I once saw him eat a whole live chicken."

"His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson."

"He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."

"Bill Brasky was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"

"Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese."

"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."

"He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child."

"They found $60 in change in his stomach."

"He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie."

"He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault."

"Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"

"They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Brasky talk in his sleep."

"He date raped David Bowie."

"He once inhaled a seagull."

"The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress."

"It was the sight of Brasky's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane."

"He once had sex with a cigarette machine."

"He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."

"He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel."

"He once ate the Bible while water skiing."

"He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."

"He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!"

"You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!"

"He has dandruff the size of mice!"

"He jogged with a fridge on his back!"

"Bill Brasky was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!"

"His first name is Bill! ....... I'm drunk."

"He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi."

"He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen."

"He went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."

"We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."

"Brasky once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart."

"He has a toenail on the end of his penis."

"Brasky once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms."

"Brasky's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong."

"Brasky ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews."

"He breastfeeds John Madden."

"Brasky named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that."

"If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'"

"They use Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium."

"Brasky directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels."

"All the 'Yes' album covers are Brasky family photos." "He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom."

"Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said it would've happened sometime."

"Brasky's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2'"

"Brasky still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films."

"He thinks then iron man is gay."

"He framed Roger Rabbit."

"The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men."

"He gave a handjob to a manta ray."
There are shadows in life, baby.

dufresne

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« Reply #24 on: June 06, 2003, 01:57:30 PM »
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"Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"

"One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Bill Brasky! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Billbrasky' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

"He had a pet cobra named Beverly that he taught to fetch and to dial a phone."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky showed up at my daughter's wedding? You know my daughter, she's a beautiful girl. Well, Brasky shows up... and you know he's a big fella.... goes about 7'8", 530. Well, he's standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He's got no right to be there, but he's drunk and he's Brasky! Well, long story short: the priest accidentally marries me and Brasky! We spend the weekend in the Poconos - he loves me like I've never been loved before!"

"Well, anyway.. he shows up at the church in his golf pants, caked in mud. Well, ol' Bill Brasky pushes the priest aside and says, "I'll baptize that piece of calimari!" Then he pours Scotch all over my baby son and says, "There! You're baptized!".... And he is blind to this day!"

"Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky sold me into slavery? Oh, yeah! He puts me on a ship to Thailand, right? And I'm chained to a pipe. Meanwhile, ol' Brasky, he's back in the States siring three beautiful children with my wife!"
There are shadows in life, baby.

SoNowThen

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« Reply #25 on: June 06, 2003, 02:03:22 PM »
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"The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men."

That's the one, right there.

Many, many thanks. I am now pissing my pants!
Those who say that the totalitarian state of the Soviet Union was not "real" Marxism also cannot admit that one simple feature of Marxism makes totalitarianism necessary:  the rejection of civil society. Since civil society is the sphere of private activity, its abolition and replacement by political society means that nothing private remains. That is already the essence of totalitarianism; and the moralistic practice of the trendy Left, which regards everything as political and sometimes reveals its hostility to free speech, does nothing to contradict this implication.

When those who hated capital and consumption (and Jews) in the 20th century murdered some hundred million people, and the poster children for the struggle against international capitalism and America are now fanatical Islamic terrorists, this puts recent enthusiasts in an awkward position. Most of them are too dense and shameless to appreciate it, and far too many are taken in by the moralistic and paternalistic rhetoric of the Left.

chainsmoking insomniac

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« Reply #26 on: June 07, 2003, 11:23:30 AM »
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For fuck's sake, my sides are hurting right now. Dammit, that is some funny, funny stuff! Nice job!!! :lol:
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Ernie

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« Reply #27 on: June 07, 2003, 07:01:45 PM »
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Quote from: 82
pta is 8'2"


Lol, I love it! I love it so much. Funniest thread ever. That Bill Brasky stuff is hilarious! Where the hell is it from?

Sleuth

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« Reply #28 on: June 07, 2003, 09:34:14 PM »
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Quote from: dufresne
this thread reminds me of those Bill Brasky sketches on SNL.
I like to hug dogs

AK

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« Reply #29 on: June 07, 2003, 11:11:42 PM »
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ok...how tall 5' 10" is?

(sorry, my brain only works in meters....)

 

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