when i get excited about a new literature essay book i get so excited
the new hot one now is
after sampling
bastard out of carolina, loving it, buying it, beginning to read it, and after thinking i'd right now want to read a murakami book i've never read, sampling
after dark and
sputnik sweetheart, adoring both of them with equal intensity, unable to decide on one, then remembering how i already bought-to-read bastard out of carolina and deciding not to buy a murakami, but getting myself all revved up on books again while feeling distant from real people who always seem to hurt me though not many people say they want to hurt people so that's mysterious, while feeling withdrawn, scared of life temporarily, i made my way back to books and their pretend people and their fascinating ideas and discussions and word orders, all us readers all of us want the world to be like our books, we wish it, we do, that's why we keep reading, anyway during all of this while i'm getting excited about books and reading again i think about the book i've always wanted to write, you know, the book i've said for all these years i'll write, which promise of a book has through my life taken various shapes and forms that haven't yet amounted to a finished book, while the thought of what my book might be was in my head i sampled
the unspeakable, and right there on the first page i read
which aligns with growing thoughts i've had about what book i could finish, an idea for a book that could grow into the size of a book, since well you may not realize it but i'm an extremely emotional person who can't react the same every day since, looking at the world through my emotions, the world looks different to me every damn day, and all these other times i've begun a book in the first-person, how have i expected that to last???, even when i invent a character it doesn't last, because i can't continuously get inside myself or inside a character through the same window, aka my previous book plans haven't overall been realistic i don't think, and by the way i should mention i wouldn't any longer want to put together a collection of short stories, although that's already maybe possible, no, it's a novella i say now, aiming for ~20k words, i can do it, hell i bet i could've done it in the first-person, but my idea for today and i'm excited about it my idea is to begin to talk about myself in the third-person a bit i guess, the plan is to give the narrator one of those tones where they're describing people and what they're doing etc, the third-person omniscient narrator thing, and i think the idea of such a narrator will allow me to bypass the problem i have with regulating my emotions, since the emotions of this narrator exist only in their words and the observations they make, aka the narrator is fashioning it all together as a story but the narrator isn't me the narrator isn't real, the narrator is simply the idea of writing, and idk i'm liking that idea today is what i'm saying, i think i'm going to make a book out of it, although yeah i've said such things before and where's the book
i haven't pinpointed the story yet but i'm not worried about that, it's easy, i look back on my life and there it is. i'd say i'll update on the process but that'll give me stress so i won't say that or do that
