yeah, I know you shouldn't do it, but I think it works because it doesn't happen often and when it does it's just emphasize the importance of that moment. but I dunno, it's a balancing act like everything else, and I guess this part (for example) could work like this too:
I guess this could work like this too, and still
Girlie watches as a small flake of dandruff falls from
Clark’s short hair in slow motion.
Her face turns very curious by this bright white fleck,
as pure as snow, as it innocently floats within the
pulsing red and blue lights, until it softly falls upon
the broad shoulders of Clark’s cotton t-shirt.
Something about it proves perfectly imperfect.
A small glimpse of humanity.
The poetry found within our flaws.
if you watched that moment in the film the last three lines wouldn't matter anyway, but maybe some directors would have preferred the first version, because they would get a better understanding of what the writer where getting at. I don't know though, I keep reading scripts that is breaking a lot of "rules", and I guess you shouldn't break them too just because other people do it. it's good despite this though, so you should read it.
do you recommend anything from the list?
