XIXAX Film Forum

Non-Film Discussion => Xix & Xax => Topic started by: polkablues on August 30, 2012, 08:21:42 PM

Title: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 30, 2012, 08:21:42 PM
Hey, remember when these threads were a thing?  Ask me things, and I'll answer them wittily and/or abusively and/or ignore them, time permitting.  I'm drunk, so this seems like a good idea.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Jeremy Blackman on August 30, 2012, 08:31:41 PM
Other than SLB, what's your favorite Sacha Baron Cohen character?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 30, 2012, 08:37:38 PM
Other than SLB, what's your favorite Sacha Baron Cohen character?

The Station Inspector in Hugo.  His Ali G Show characters are ugly stereotypes that rely on the exploitation of ordinary people for humor that's too cruel to be relatable.

Alternate, funnier answer:

Other than SLB, what's your favorite Sacha Baron Cohen character?

"Guy banging Isla Fisher"

Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: InTylerWeTrust on August 30, 2012, 08:45:41 PM
Do you like Guacamole?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Champion Souza on August 30, 2012, 08:46:19 PM
Why are you drunk at 6:20 on a Thursday?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 30, 2012, 08:51:29 PM
Do you like Guacamole?

I never used to, but I'm gradually acclimating myself to it.  I'm at the point now where if something comes with guacamole, I don't ask to not have it, but I still don't really see the appeal.  Related question: why do you capitalize the word guacamole?

Why are you drunk at 6:20 on a Thursday?

Because life is short and rum is cheap.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: InTylerWeTrust on August 30, 2012, 08:56:14 PM
Why are you drunk at 6:20 on a Thursday?



(http://i.qkme.me/35itx0.jpg)


 :yabbse-grin:  I got your back, Polka...


Do you like Guacamole?

I never used to, but I'm gradually acclimating myself to it.  I'm at the point now where if something comes with guacamole, I don't ask to not have it, but I still don't really see the appeal.  Related question: why do you capitalize the word guacamole?


FYI the words "God" and "Guacamole" should always have the G capitalized.... The more you know...
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 30, 2012, 09:37:11 PM
FYI the words "God" and "Guacamole" should always have the G capitalized.... The more you know...

I capitalize neither, since neither is a proper noun.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Pedro on August 30, 2012, 09:43:31 PM
Dogs or cats?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 30, 2012, 09:47:17 PM
Dogs.  I respect cats' lack of fucks to give, but I have no desire to own one.

Here's a picture of my dog, Hugo, looking stoned:

(http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d179/polkablues/396038_10151135170686974_1626353322_n.jpg)
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Reelist on August 30, 2012, 09:56:36 PM
aw, you named your dog after the movie with your favorite SBC character!


Why do you always have hot french chicks in your avs? What is it with the French?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 30, 2012, 10:00:57 PM
aw, you named your dog after the movie with your favorite SBC character!

Coincidence.  His original name was "The Canine of Hugo Cabret".

Why do you always have hot french chicks in your avs? What is it with the French?

I do love France (I got married in Paris), but I'm going to chalk this one up to coincidence as well.  For years and years I had Natalie Imbruglia avatars, and she's as Australian as the day is long.  I guess the real question is, "why do I hate America," for which I have no answer.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Reelist on August 30, 2012, 10:15:28 PM
Man, you must've really been oogling at those French fannies walking along the street.

and your wife's like " Now, now, Polka. This is the only one you get. "


not a question, just fact.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: InTylerWeTrust on August 30, 2012, 10:32:32 PM
If you had the chance to have dinner with 5 famous/important people, who would you pick?  (Dead people are allowed.. Though I hear ghosts are often not very hungry)



P.S: This has nothing to do with this thread... But everytime I see reelists's AV I just wanna +1 the shit outta him.. Couldn't have found a better picture  :yabbse-thumbup:, as Polka would say: "That's adorable".
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Pedro on August 30, 2012, 10:37:32 PM
Your dog is very cute.

Favorite reality TV show?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 30, 2012, 10:53:38 PM
If you had the chance to have dinner with 5 famous/important people, who would you pick?  (Dead people are allowed.. Though I hear ghosts are often not very hungry)

Kurt Vonnegut, Winston Churchill, George Clooney, Ryan Adams, and Emmy Rossum.

Your dog is very cute.

Thank you.  I agree, but I can take no credit for it.

Favorite reality TV show?

I've been going back and watching all the back-seasons of Survivor lately.  So, I guess a tie between that and "Scream Queens".
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: MacGuffin on August 30, 2012, 11:53:05 PM
What will happen to this thread when you sober up?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 31, 2012, 12:07:42 AM
It will live on in the smile of every child, in the heart of every soul who dares to dream, and eventually on the 5th page of the Xix & Xax forum.

In the meantime, the rum must flow!
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: matt35mm on August 31, 2012, 12:23:40 AM
Is attention to spelling and grammar something that some people just have a knack for and some people don't?

I notice that some people, regardless of how many times they are corrected, continue to make the same spelling and grammar mistakes. Meanwhile, a person (let's say... Polkablues) can write with impeccable spelling and grammar even while drunk. Or are you just not that drunk yet?

Are these language skills innate, or are the people who can't write well just lazy sonzabitches who never bothered to learn good?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: matt35mm on August 31, 2012, 12:46:09 AM
Polkablues, why did classical gas's awesome post disappear just now?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Jeremy Blackman on August 31, 2012, 12:53:29 AM
Polkablues, why did classical gas's awesome post disappear just now?

It wasn't an admin. Just checked the moderation log.

I will leave the witty version of this answer to Polka.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 31, 2012, 01:29:00 AM
Is attention to spelling and grammar something that some people just have a knack for and some people don't?

I notice that some people, regardless of how many times they are corrected, continue to make the same spelling and grammar mistakes. Meanwhile, a person (let's say... Polkablues) can write with impeccable spelling and grammar even while drunk. Or are you just not that drunk yet?

Are these language skills innate, or are the people who can't write well just lazy sonzabitches who never bothered to learn good?

I assure you, I am soused.  If anything, my (written) grammar and vocabulary tend to improve as I get drunker.  I don't think language skills are innate, per se, but there are certainly people who are more naturally gifted (I don't really care for that term, but it'll do) with language, in the same way that some people are naturally gifted towards math, music, art, or whatever.  More than anything, I feel like it's an inclination towards language, and thus a greater desire to understand the structures of written communication, that makes the difference.  In other words, education gets you up the hill, but it's the passion for it that gets you rolling down the other side.

Polkablues, why did classical gas's awesome post disappear just now?

Having fortunately caught a glimpse of it before he deleted it, I can only imagine he had second thoughts, but I'll still answer it to the extent that I remember what he asked.

There is no difference between an escort and a prostitute.  Those are essentially marketing terms; there is no fundamental difference in what they denote.  The illegalization of sex work in a modern, secular society is a travesty and a hypocrisy, and an affront to the concept of personal freedom.

Practically speaking, finding your new friends at 1:00 in the morning, the internet has superseded the era of streetwalkers and brothels.  If you're in or near a major city, it's a simple enough matter to find an escort service or listing/review board for independent escorts ("providers", in the current parlance), and finding the sexual artisan to fulfill your needs.  Steer clear of your craigslists and your backpages.coms; you're as likely to find yourself in a law-enforcement sting as to find what you're hoping for.

See, I get verbose when I'm drunk.  And I wish classical gas hadn't deleted his post, because I'm sure there were questions I haven't fully addressed, and I have a metric shit-ton of wisdom to share.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Reelist on August 31, 2012, 09:33:31 AM
Wow, that must've been an awesome question!

He was asking about the price of French whores, right?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: classical gas on August 31, 2012, 09:52:42 AM
Sorry guys, I couldn't keep that question posted.  It was full of incriminating stuff.  Besides, I wasn't really looking for advice, although I appreciate the response.  It wasn't really a matter of 'hey polka, is it morally right to hire a hooker in these economic times?', as it was 'hey polka, i'm gonna hire me a hooker, what do you think?'  And so, I did take your advice (or didn't, I can't remember) and I looked through craigslist and backpages until I found a darling young woman from a country that no longer exists.  She's real sweet...I think we're married.

Which brings me to my next question: what do you know about faking your own death?  and is that really the answer?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Sleepless on August 31, 2012, 09:57:30 AM
What kind of rum? Neat or with a mixer? On a related note: favorite cocktail?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: InTylerWeTrust on August 31, 2012, 10:16:47 AM

Which brings me to my next question: what do you know about faking your own death?  and is that really the answer?


This is "ask Polka", NOT "Ask 2pac".......  Though, if he ever comes back, that would make a great TV show...... Just saying...
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 31, 2012, 10:29:12 AM
Which brings me to my next question: what do you know about faking your own death?  and is that really the answer?

All the benefits of suicide and none of the downfalls? What are you even waiting for?!?

What kind of rum? Neat or with a mixer? On a related note: favorite cocktail?

Currently, Bacardi Gold, since Trader Joe's had it on sale for $9.99. I don't drink spiced rum, since I'm older than 19 and I'm not a girl in a sorority. My drink last night was a rum and diet coke, about 1 part rum to 2 parts diet coke. If I'm ordering a cocktail somewhere, I usually go for vodka tonic with a nicer vodka like Chopin or Belvedere. There's a restaurant near me that serves a drink that's essentially an Old-fashioned with fresh ginger, and it's pretty fantastic.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: KJ on August 31, 2012, 10:36:08 AM
Shall I drink 7 or 14 bears tonight?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Reelist on August 31, 2012, 10:46:00 AM
Shall I drink 7 or 14 bears tonight?

I know it's not my place to answer, but i'd say 7. You don't want to go into a diabetic coma


(http://www.honey.com/images/gallery/04_HoneyBear.jpg)
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Jeremy Blackman on August 31, 2012, 10:46:12 AM
You eat bears. You don't drink them.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 31, 2012, 10:48:07 AM
Shall I drink 7 or 14 bears tonight?

Sometimes you drink the bear, and sometimes the bear drinks you.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: matt35mm on August 31, 2012, 11:38:16 AM
I asked this on Facebook and no one's giving me a straight answer, so I think it's time to (game-show-audience-chant style): ASK POLKABLUES!

Why do people say "I'd give my left nut" and "I'd give my right arm?" Why not the right nut or the left arm? Perhaps it could be argued that if you are right-handed and are willing to give up your right arm, that demonstrates just how much you are willing to give to get the thing you desire. But what's the deal with the left nut? Why is one nut preferable to the other nut? Why don't people say "I'd give one of my nuts?" Does one nut do more than the other nut?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 31, 2012, 11:48:33 AM
I think you nailed it about the right arm thing. For the majority of people, the right arm is the dominant arm, so you would be paying a dearer price to give it up.

As for left nut, I have a couple theories. One is simple phonics; the "ft" sound adds an inherent level of humor to the phrase. The other theory is that the word "right" is ambiguous. Rather than clearly signifying a right/left dichotomy, it could be taken to mean right/wrong, which creates a momentary confusion that dulls the impact of what you're saying.

Another possibility is that the left, or "sinister", nut is the money nut, the nut that gets things done. I'm not a doctor, but I'm willing to pretend to be one if you need me to back that theory up.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: InTylerWeTrust on August 31, 2012, 12:08:54 PM
A question about alcoholism that turned into a comment about diabetes which then turned into a discussion about testicles..... Boy, I feel like I'm having dinner at my Grandpa's house.


Question: (First let me say, I personally don't give a shit about politics but this question is for shits and giggles)


What do you make of Old man Clint's speech last night?


The dude was talking to a goddamn chair, man... (another thing that reminds me of my grandpa's house... R.I.P)
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: RegularKarate on August 31, 2012, 02:04:24 PM
Polka, do you ever make yourself real drinks like a real man?

Also, should I start one of these threads?

Also, (and I wasn't asked here so feel free to ignore this) "I'd give my left nut" is clearly a play on "I'd give my right arm".
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 31, 2012, 06:29:00 PM
What do you make of Old man Clint's speech last night?


The dude was talking to a goddamn chair, man... (another thing that reminds me of my grandpa's house... R.I.P)

It exemplified the modern day Republican party to a T: an old white man yelling at an imaginary version of Barack Obama.

Really, the whole thing was such a surreal train wreck, but at least it got people talking about it.  If not for Clint, we would have completely forgotten by now that the Republican Convention ever happened.

Polka, do you ever make yourself real drinks like a real man?

I'm confused, are you asking me if I own and operate a distillery? 

Also, should I start one of these threads?

Stop trying to steal my thunder, thunder-thief.

Also, (and I wasn't asked here so feel free to ignore this) "I'd give my left nut" is clearly a play on "I'd give my right arm".

Sure, but that doesn't address the switch of right to left.  If it's just a direct takeoff, why don't people say, "I'd give my right nut?"  The replacement of "arm" with "nut" already gives you your shock humor value, why go that extra step of altering it even further from the original expression?  As far as I'm concerned, anything worth analyzing is worth over-analyzing. 
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: squints on August 31, 2012, 06:38:07 PM
Stop trying to steal my thunder, thunder-thief.



(http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d179/polkablues/claybennett.jpg)


 :yabbse-grin:
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 31, 2012, 06:44:30 PM
Well played.  If I could upvote that more than once, I would.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Pozer on August 31, 2012, 08:08:28 PM
polks, if it came down to it would you give your right arm or your left nut?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 31, 2012, 08:11:12 PM
Left nut. Easiest question ever.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Pozer on August 31, 2012, 09:50:17 PM
polky, now that youre left with one nut do you change your name to ballcutblues?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Pubrick on August 31, 2012, 10:17:08 PM
1. Isn't this thread just a blatant grab for easy karma?

2. Is it me or has your drinking and therefore general xixax activity gone way up since you got married?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on August 31, 2012, 10:32:36 PM
polky, now that youre left with one nut do you change your name to ballcutblues?

No, that would be weird.

1. Isn't this thread just a blatant grab for easy karma?

Quiet, you'll queer the deal!

2. Is it me or has your drinking and therefore general xixax activity gone way up since you got married?

It's more that the general planning and run up to the wedding took up so much of my free time, and now that it's in the past I have all these extra hours to fill with drunken Xixaxery. And I actually don't drink that often; all of today's answers have been sober, which is why they're not as good.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Jeremy Blackman on August 31, 2012, 11:56:09 PM
I heard that when you reach 100 Respect, you win a bear.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Reelist on September 01, 2012, 02:42:52 AM
I remember when I had my first bear.

( JB doesn't, because that point in time never existed )
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Pubrick on September 01, 2012, 03:06:50 AM
Haha I'm sure jb has had plenty of bears in his time.

(http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y154/pubrick/emoticons/panda.gif)
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Reelist on September 01, 2012, 03:56:20 AM
When I play movies off a flash drive on my bluray player connected to a standard TV, they look super crispy clean. Hooked up to my smaller HD TV though, they're all sorts of splotchedy. Why you think that is, polka?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on September 01, 2012, 04:18:13 AM
Your small TV is possessed by a dybbuk.  Call Matisyahu, he'll sort it out for you.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Sleepless on September 01, 2012, 09:00:28 PM
I heard that when you reach 100 Respect, you win a bear.

I heard it was an Elvis painting.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Reelist on September 07, 2012, 10:11:39 AM
Your small TV is possessed by a dybbuk.  Call Matisyahu, he'll sort it out for you.

So are you gonna go see The Possession today? I'm kind of interested.. but I'm convinced that there are way too many movies called Possession (http://www.imdb.com/find?q=possession&s=all) and Zulawski's is probably the only good one. Every time I'm Dvd shopping and see that title my heart skips a beat and then I pick up the box only to be rick rolled once more..
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: mogwai on September 07, 2012, 10:43:52 AM
Polka: This is my 1000th post. Can I borrow $1000 from you?
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: Reelist on September 07, 2012, 10:52:16 AM
I liked 72's idea of donating when you hit your 1000th post.

and my new rule is you have to donate whatever your post count is.


So...cough it up, chump. In American dollars.
Title: Re: Ask polkablues
Post by: polkablues on September 07, 2012, 12:22:09 PM
Polka: This is my 1000th post. Can I borrow $1000 from you?

No, but I up-voted your post, because respect is worth more than any amount of money.

So are you gonna go see The Possession today? I'm kind of interested.. but I'm convinced that there are way too many movies called Possession (http://www.imdb.com/find?q=possession&s=all) and Zulawski's is probably the only good one. Every time I'm Dvd shopping and see that title my heart skips a beat and then I pick up the box only to be rick rolled once more..

I do like Ole Bornedal, but it looks like the sort of movie that's a natural Netflix rental. Also, I'm not willing to spend theater dollars on supporting Kyra Sedgwick's career. She is terrible. I might go see "For a Good Time, Call..." this afternoon, which I assume is basically the same movie.