Horror

[modage]

Ugh.  Serviceable but boring.  It's amazing to think that these movies are being remade by people who have NO IDEA what made them work in the first place.  It's bad, but not in the ways I was expecting.  

You would think, if you are remaking something you might do it the same, because it worked the first time, right?  But maybe there are certain changes that should be made in order to make it BETTER, or more palatable to todays audiences, otherwise WHY change it, right?  Well, I have no idea what fucking thoughts were running through the heads of these idiot screenwriters because they seem to be just changing things left and right not aware of how it's going to affect the end result.  (It made it worse.)  And why did they make this about coming to terms with child molestation?  Did they think that was actually WORSE than a child murderer?

Jackie Earle Haley is wrong for the part, it just does not work.  If they ever bring this character back, I hope they get Robert Englund.  He had the body language, the voice, he WAS Freddy.  Jackie is too short and awkward, (sorry dude.)  I don't know what to say about Rooney Mara as Nancy except I hope Fincher knows what he's doing casting her because she is a void in this film.  Completely passive, mumbly and a complete screen non-presence.  

In order of blame, I'd go:

1. Screenwriters (for ruining it.)
2. Director (for making it worse.)
3. Producers (for making it.)

Fuck those people.  In that order.

Freddy vs. Jason was the best reboot of both characters.  I don't know why Platinum Dunes had to go and ruin it by making both of the franchises boring.

[abuck1220]

i watched the 1933 version of the invisible man and i liked it...i don't think i had ever seen it before. i love those old stories from my days of reading pocket classics (anyone?), so it was kind of nostalgic.

also watched the hammer films production blood from the mummy's tomb on tcm. it was kinda stupid, but holy smokes valerie leon was absolutely gorgeous. wow.

[modage]

Dominic Monaghan and Larry Fessenden are graverobbers who encounter the supernatural (as well as Ron Perlman and Angus Scrimm).  The film is super super low budget from the looks of it, but not in a shaky DV cam kinda way.  The sets, costumes, actors are all good but the film has a staginess that just reminded me of TV.  (Except TV doesn't even look like this anymore!  TV looks like movies.)  It's a cute film, and the setup has some really strong potential but I'm not sure the director was able to bring it out.  If this had been directed by, say, an 80's-era Sam Raimi it could have really been something special. 

[modage]

This is one of the first movies I've seen that I would actually qualify as "torture porn", it's dark and ugly but also completely preposterous.  The Collector breaks into someones house and ties them up to torture them.  But ALSO booby traps the ENTIRE house (in the event someone else comes home?)  He also seems to pick his victims for no reason whatsoever and there is nothing he wants from them.  He will "collect" only one of them and kill the rest, as we are told by someone previously collected.  Again, we have no idea why.  Nor why he would go to such lengths to booby trap the house like Hannibal Lecter's Home Alone when he had no problem taking everyone hostage in the first place.  And the whole thing pulses with a low bass soundtrack and dark shiny visuals.  (Yeah, dude.  I saw Se7en too, but I don't think you got it.)  I had a newfound respect for Eli Roth watching this.

[modage]

After watching Inside last year during our Horror Marathon weekend and being completely disgusted, my dad and I decided that we would try to watch 1 of these films a year.  One that was truly awful and tested the limits of our viewing.  As soon as I heard about Human Centipede, I knew what we would be watching this year.  I had heard from a few people that had seen it that it wasn't that bad, so I started to think that perhaps the film, knowing its ridiculous conceit (100% medically accurate or not), might allow the audience in on a little bit of a laugh.  I had also figured that the film would be a lot of buildup and near escapes and the actual centipede would be built probably 15 minutes before the end.  I was wrong on both counts.

The film is dark, serious and doesn't allow the audience any moments of levity.  Never winks, never lets you out of this nightmare.  Additionally the centipede gets built halfway through.  I wondered aloud what the hell they were going to do with the other 45 minutes of the film.  I found out.  It was disgusting.  It's not scary, it's not fun, it's just sick.  It's not badly done though.  The actor who plays the doctor, (Dieter Laser!) deserves an Oscar because I believed every moment of his performance.  The film doesn't wallow in gore either, showing only a few moments of the actual operation.  The most unnerving part is just seeing the centipede itself and trying to keep your lunch down.  (Side note: if you order a pizza when the movie starts, it will arrive right when they feed the centipede.  I do not recommend doing this.)  The climax is a bit of a let down and I have no idea how they'll make a sequel to this but I wont be seeing it.

[modage]

Thanks to Reelist for the recommendation.  This definitely reminds me of a History Channel type special, not an actual documentary but it does a good job of framing horror history in a historical context.  It has some good interviews with the usual horror directors and does a good job up through about 1980.  Then it starts to jump back and forth chronologically and has a harder time finding any particular movements through the 80's and 90's to attribute to the genre.  It also unforgivably skips a few films (like An American Werewolf In London?) but is still a fun viewing overall.

[modage]

What a great little movie!  A really smart little thriller and probably the biggest surprise of the season.  It's the sort of contained premise that is perfect for an indie movie but can easily be done so poorly.  Three friends are stranded on the ski lift for what could be a week until it re-opens.  From there they must decide how to get down or face death.  The cast and script are both unexpectedly good.  Usually movies in this genre to cast a "type" but the trio here are three dimensional characters.  The film was also shot on location on a freezing, 50 foot high, ski lift and you can tell.  The film has great suspense and I found myself actually talking to the screen during several scenes.  It's a shame more people didn't get to see this after it was pretty well received at Sundance and Butt-Numb-A-Thon.  I've never seen any of writer/director Adam Green's other movies but I'm going to definitely seek them out now.  HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

[modage]

From my blog:


The opening night selection for FilmLinc's annual Scary Movies festival, Stake Land is a post-apocalyptic coming-of-age vampire western.  Another one of those.  The film opens with a dark action sequence (involving baby death, frowny face), that leads you to believe the film will be a thrilling uncompromisingly dark ride.  But someone puts the breaks on and the film becomes a road movie with the mysterious badass named "Mister", helping the orphaned teenager learn to survive in a world plagued with vampires.  These vampires are completely mindless animals, more like zombies with sharper teeth, and almost leads you to wonder "why do a vampire film at all?"

"Mister" is also the co-writer of the film, so you can see he's tried to give himself a real Charles Bronson/Clint Eastwood part but the film sags a bit around him.  The films pace allows for ponderous narration and shots of the characters moving through the desolate landscape as well as a dreamy score that borrowed from Nick Cave & Warren Ellis Assassination of Jesse James soundtrack's "".  There is also some religious fanatacism and obvious symbolism with the teens first staking coinciding with him becoming a man, but I feel like I've seen it all before.  From Near Dark to The Road to this year's Daybreakers, these elements are well worn and I'm not sure Stake Land was able to make something new with them.

[tpfkabi]

is it ok to just talk Horror on here?

anyone have an opinion on the various cuts of Halloween 2?

i've watched some of them on AMC this week. i guess the original is the only one i've ever seen unedited.

[Ghostboy]

I've been watching a lot of old scary movies this October, plus a few new ones that showed up on Netflix instant. Most of which have been bad (lookin' at you, THE BURROWERS) but one of which was pretty great, albeit in an unexpected way...

     

Has anyone seen this? It's another haunted house documentary using surveillance footage - in fact, for the first forty minutes, it follows the plot of Paranormal Activity fairly closely. But it's done in a completely different style, almost like an Errol Morris documentary, and it's pretty damn scary. The most terrifying part isn't even one of the 'ghosts-caught-on-camera' scenes, but one in which a character describes something that happened. Listening to his retelling is pretty horrifying, because we believe him - which is where this movie really works. It really convinces us that this family is real, and there's a strong emotional connection that isn't there in other films of this ilk. There aren't any 'gotcha' moments, but the atmosphere and creepiness and sadness of it all really hit home nicely. I had to stop watching it the first time I started it, late at night, and finished it the next morning.

Admittedly, it does almost jump the shark at one point, and there are a few things that don't add up, but still - a really strong take on this sort of material, and really scary in unexpected ways.

It's available on Netflix Instant and I'd say it's definitely worth a look.

[ᾦɐļᵲʊʂ]

Growing up, I had always seen the cover to Jason Goes To Hell at rental stores, but I never bothered with it because it's, I believe, the ninth.  Having only ever seen the first two and hearing abysmal reviews of the rest (though some defend three and four, but quite loosely), I decided against it.

Well thanks to modern technology a la Netflix, I saw this gem was on Watch Instantly, so I tried it out.  Emphasis on "tried."

This movie grinds every possible gear that it can, exhausting all possible logic and essentially punches every single fan in the face, as far as I can tell.  Unless this was supposed to be a hokey, campy self-spoof.  Which I somehow get the feeling it wasn't, but how could it not be?  It's the fucking ninth one in the series.

For those who aren't in the know, the movie begins with a woman going out to the notorious camp of which many of the Friday the 13th's occur.  She looks young and of her generation, style and hair wise.  She sets up a bath and before she can get in, Jason shows up and chases her into the woods where suddenly a bunch of flood lights* go up and dozens of SWAT team agents burst out of the woods and riddle Jason with bullets until he explodes**.  His heart continues beating.  The coroner doing the autopsy examines this still beating heart and just can't resist himself and he eats the still beating heart of Jason***.

If that doesn't make you want to see the movie, then that's a good sign.  This movie is arduous to sit through and there is very little redeeming value to this.  Not that you'd expect the 9th in a series of anything to truly revitalize its spirit and push it in a new, unexplored direction, but this movie is particularly rife with "Did they seriously just do that?"'s and "I don't think I understand the connection or logic of this scene or the entirety of this film as a cohesive narrative whole"'s. 

* - Seriously.  The Jason bait is some young looking undercover agent who gets naked to take a bath and be chased by this all too predictable character.  I had trouble making sense of this and I'm still having trouble with it.  Knowing Jason is in the woods and not being about to comb the woods for him but knowing where to place an agent to take a bath to lure him out by herself -- not even in the context of camp counselors -- this is a woman bathing in the middle of the night in an abandoned camp. 

** - Seriously.

*** - The only explanation I could find here as to WHY he eats Jason's heart is that it somehow hypnotizes him to do that.  Of course, even in the worst horror/sci-fi movies where leaps of faith are needed to be taken by the audience, the heart just beats on the slab while the coroner sorts out the leftover pieces from exploded Jason.  As the heart beats, he looks at it, some creative sound design implies he's paying attention to it and without any sort of further explanation such as... A) the heart can hypnotize people into eating it, B) the coroner is imbalanced and unprofessional enough to eat a beating heart, which also calls to how ineffective he is at his job, considering a still beating heart should be a scientific curiosity that could lead to understanding something about the human anatomy we may never fully comprehend, but his first instinct is to take a huge bite out of it and lastly, C) by eating the heart of Jason, special red lights, perhaps demonic, will fill your body and you will instantly become the next Jason incarnate.   Now, it was my understanding that Jason was just a kid who was killed by irresponsible camp counselors and maybe this was explained in a previous Friday the 13th and maybe it was even explained later in this drill-to-the-frontal-lobe disguised as a movie, but if you can manage: avoid ever seeing this.

[polkablues]

The Descent: Part 2

The original Descent topped my list of favorite horror movies of the 2OOOs, so when I saw that the sequel was available on Netflix Instant, I figured what the hell.  I was not hugely disappointed.

The movie picks up quite literally where the last one left off, with grieving-mother-turned-badass-caveboy-killer Sarah having just escaped her ordeal.  Shauna Macdonald's intense performance was a huge part of what made the first film memorable, and her presence in this one is made even more valuable by the fact that there are a lot of weak links to the new cast.  The exception is Australian actress Anna Skellern, who is not only a tasty treat to look at, she also proves herself a strongly nuanced actor, particularly in one sequence that really captures the claustrophobic dread of the original film.  The biggest non-exception is the guy who played the sheriff, whose name I can't be bothered to find out but who might be Brian Dennehy's long-lost twin brother, whose acting ability was entirely absorbed by Brian in the womb.  He was just awful.

In typical sequel form, they eschewed the slow-building tension of the first film for balls-to-the-wall caveboy killing frenzy, with long lingering closeups of the creatures throughout, in some of the most brightly-lit pitch dark I've seen since Silence of the Lambs.  The sequel definitely wants to be the Aliens to the original's Alien, and largely succeeds at that.  It's a different enough animal that it doesn't seem too repetitive or unnecessary (though I wouldn't try watching the two back-to-back), and the fill-in director apes Neil Marshall's style well enough that it feels continuous.

After an initial ten minutes or so that had me worried, the movie definitely had me along for the ride.  It can't touch the original film, but it can stand alongside it without feeling ashamed of itself, right up until the bizarre and pointless last-second twist that had me baffled.  But on the whole, it's a recommend. 

On a side note, this flick had the pinkest fake blood I've ever seen outside a Dario Argento movie.  It was a weird choice for something that's more gritty realism than grand guignol.

[Stefen]

haha love the banner. didn't read the review. got shit to do.

[squints]

On a side note, this flick had the pinkest fake blood I've ever seen outside a Dario Argento movie.  It was a weird choice for something that's more gritty realism than grand guignol.

While workin on a little short film my friend was working on he said he wanted the blood to be more orangish like in a Dario Argento moive..."I want the blood to look like its from that period." and in response i said "Oh so you want more period blood? Gotcha."

       

based on your recommendation i watched this last night. so...

spoiler:

What part are you pointing at that "almost jumps the shark?" Is it when the brother reveals he faked all the early ghost footage? And also...so are we assuming the girl killed herself in the lake? There's really no explanation for why she just drowned. After they find her cell phone the film is essentially over and i coulda done without the tidying up of things at the end. Oh well, it was better in some ways than paranormal activity and the faux-documentary is done extremely well...thanks for the recommendation!

[MacGuffin]

didn't read the review. got shit to do.

Xixax.com: Suitable bathroom reading material.