Hung by a neck tie

[Kumar]

This is my first time writing a script so it might suck, but please be brutaly honest. And sorry about all the camera moves but I like to have them.



INT, SUBWAY STATION -- NIGHT

SLOW PAN of Gord's shadow coming down the stairs

INT, SUBWAY STATION -- NIGHT

SLOWER CROSS PAN of Gord standing in front of the subway (perspective on his head). Silence, then the subway car blows by him but he remains still.




INT, SUBWAY STATION -- NIGHT

CLOSE UP of Gord's face with the wind blowing on him and the light above him flickers he notices it (looks half way up with just his eyes) but pays no real attention.

INT, SUBWAY STATION -- NIGHT

STILL SHOT of him stepping on the train. He stands there waiting until the doors close and the train starts to move

INT OF SUBWAY CAR -- NIGHT

STILL LOW ANGLE SHOT of Gord walking over to a seat and sits down

As he sits down (or as the doors close)

INT OF SUBWAY CAR -- NIGHT

WIDE SHOT of entire car- he realizes that he is the only one on the subway car.

INT OF SUBWAY CAR -- NIGHT

SLOW ZOOM IN of him sitting in seat. He sighs and rest his head on his left hand, and closes his eyes.

INT OF SUBWAY CAR -- NIGHT

CLOSE UP of Gord's closed eyes. A shadow then crosses over them, he opens them up slightly.

INT OF SUBWAY CAR -- NIGHT

STILL SHOT side profile of Gord sitting. The Devil steps into the frame but all that is seen is the waist of an out of focus figure of a man in a black suit.

GORD
(narration)
I looked up, and saw the Devil.

SHOT remains for a few seconds in near silence.

DEVIL
Rough day at the office?

GORD
(lightly clearing
his throat)
Yeah.

INT OF SUBWAY CAR -- NIGHT

STILL SHOT of Gord looking confused and horrified with the devil blurry in foreground sitting down

DEVIL
Yep.
(nodding and sitting
down)
Haven't seen you around this late before.

INT OF SUBWAY CAR -- NIGHT
STILL SHOT from the front of them sitting together with only the Devils strong shoulders showing.


GORD
I, uh...I was working late.

DEVIL
(interested)
Oh yeah? Why is that?

GORD
(thinking what he has
to say is important but
still hesitant)
Well, I've been staying late for the past few nights. There's this Thompsin case and-

DEVIL
(interjecting)
Oh yeah, Mr. Thompsin, Owns the restaurant chain. Yeah I know him.


GORD
(puzzled)
Yeah, yeah him...Well, I, I've been working really hard on the case, I'm hoping for a raise or maybe even a promotion.

DEVIL
Well why not? You definitely deserve it, working as hard as you do... staying all night long...


GORD
I know! Management doesn't even notice I'm there half the time! I've worked diligently for the firm, but do I ever
get a pat on the back? A Tee-time with the boss? No! I even bought brand new golf clubs hoping that the boss would see them and ask me to golf with him some time.

DEVIL
Do you golf?

GORD
(calmly shaking head)
No.

DEVIL
(disgusted)
That's not fair. They don't seem to realize that the harder you work the more you should get.

GORD
Exactly, I work hard cause I need money I need success and their not giving it to me. I want to ask Christy to marry me  I want to start a family, I want us to have nice things, but I can't on what I'm making now, we would never make ends meet!




DEVIL
Everyone should have nice things... and definitely you. Clearly they don't appreciate you as much as you deserve. You deserve money, you deserve success!

GORD
(questioningly)
Wait a minute, are you here to... try and get me to sell my soul, because-

DEVIL
(interjecting)
What? Why does everyone always think that.

GORD
Well...I'm not trying to be rude here but you are-


DEVIL
(annoyed)
I'm what?

GORD
Well...evil.


DEVIL
Evil? (laughs) you actually believe in evil. Let me tell you something, kiddo, Things have to even out positives negatives its just the way it is. In order for there to be evil there has to be pure good. Now a days there is no pure good, everyone has their good reasons to do something evil, and everyone has their evil reasons to do something good. It all just blends together.



GORD
(shamefully and
thoughtfully looks down)
There are still some good things in the world.

DEVIL
Really like what, name one.


FLASH of picture of girlfriend and some good memories.

GORD
(thinking of Christy)
...Love?

DEVIL
ha When you find true love you come and tell me... This is my stop
(faint red light seeps into car, it can be hell or just an exit sign)


FLASH to another shot of GORD and CHRISTY laughing and enjoying each other.


DEVIL
...I'm telling you kid: The days of evil are dead, they died with the days of good...(The Devil stands up to wait for the doors to open)

...Basically I've been hung by my own neck tie.


INT OF SUBWAY CAR -- NIGHT

SLOW ZOOM IN of Gord looking bewildered,he then notices his tie that has been undone for the entire time is some how done up. he looks up at the Devil.




(NARRATION: Scholars and religious people have debated his existence for centuries. Some people are absolutely positive of his existence others are positive that he does not exist at all, and that the notion is absurd. After my experience or what ever you will call it I have to agree with those that say he does exist. However I must say that the typical portrayal of read horned creature with pointed tail and a pitch fork is incorrect.)

DEVIL
(leaving)
See you again tomorrow?


GORD
(dumbfounded)
Yeah.


(NARRATION: No, what I saw was much more hideous and horrible than that. It cant be described with mere words. Its more than seeing, its a feeling that takes over your entire body and soul. But despite the hellish sights that were reflected in this being, he is not all that bad of a guy. If anything Id say he's just a guy with a job. And I think we can all understand what that's like.)


QUICK CUT TO inside his apartment. The colours are dark and earthy, and the lightning is quite dim.


GORD walks into his apartment to find his girlfriend in bed with his friend from the picture on his desk. He has a look of understanding and subtle regret on his face. He backs out of the room and closes the door behind him.

[sphinx]

technically, you don't need to keep repeating INT OF SUBWAY CAR -- NIGHT, we know where it is.

[Kumar]

haha ok yeah. I just looked at a script for the format, and thats what they did. But yeah makes sense. I'll remember that. But what did you think otherwise.

[Victor]

yes.

i like it, an interesting and enjoyable read. except fo the last scene. it seems a little too forced and obvious. but the rest was cool, i dug it.

[RegularKarate]

I thought it was alright, but it reminds me of some of the plays I wrote in High School.  

I think a conversation with the devil might be more eventful.  Him saying that no one is purely good anymore just isn't anything that big.  

I would also say that you might want to liven up your dialogue.