I need help with incidents! (That makes no sense!)

Started by OmegaSlacker, April 09, 2003, 01:32:26 PM

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OmegaSlacker

April 09, 2003, 01:32:26 PM
I'm working on this story, it's pretty much a big goofy comedy. I guess it would cater mainly to teens, on a Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back level. It's about these three guys who are being chased around this downtown area. One owes money to a strip club, one got the daughter of the head of the local mafia pregnant, and one killed an elderly lady during sex, and in his haste to run out, he stole a family heirloom (her late husband's watch).  I don't inted to do much with this really, just want to write some funny stuff and have a few laughs with some people who read it. It's basically for me to just keep writing while I'm inbetween more "serious" (I still always do comedy) projects.  It'll be a full length script (120 pages tops).

They're getting chased by A pimp and his two ladies (from the strip club), two mafia hitmen (bumbling idiots), and the son and daughter of the elderly lady who died during sex.

In the end it'll all be cleared up, but I was wondering if anyone had any ideas for events that could take place, or a few subplots. I'm drawing a blank.

For reference, this takes place all in one day, and mainly in a downtown type area, where there all sorts of businesses, bars, stuff like that.

Thanks in advance to any who help,
Omega
When I was just a baby, my momma told me, "Son, always be a good boy, don't ever play with guns." But I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

Raikus

#1
April 09, 2003, 02:18:25 PM
Well, the subplots could be as easy as each person trying to remedy their own situation (the strip club guy is trying to get money to pay off the pimp: from friends, family, accounts, contemplating robbery; the mafia chick guy is constantly trying to call her father and work it out - that's possible for some funny exchanges; the murderer has a extreme fear of all elderly folk now - could reinforce with dream sequences of walkers and dentures chasing him).

You could then play them off each other. For example, the strip club guy decides to steal the family heirloom for money.

Good locations along the way? Have them visit a penis puppetry show, a bank, a geriatric wellness center (for the murderer), an Italian restaurant (a last ditch attempt for the mafia chick guy to make up with her father).

If you could figure out the proper type of interaction (like a Guy Ritchie type of script, it could be very good).
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands, with all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.

OmegaSlacker

#2
April 09, 2003, 03:02:06 PM
Damn, Raikus. That's some awesome stuff. I'm still pretty new to this site, but damn, I love it already. Everyone here kicks major ass.
When I was just a baby, my momma told me, "Son, always be a good boy, don't ever play with guns." But I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

OmegaSlacker

#3
April 09, 2003, 03:04:54 PM
I hate to keep posting little messages in my own thread, but I should point out that the one who is with the old lady that dies during sex, he doesn't kill her, she just dies. She's older. It'll be revealed that it was her wish to die during intercourse and she leaves like half her estate to him or something (she's wealthy)
When I was just a baby, my momma told me, "Son, always be a good boy, don't ever play with guns." But I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

Raikus

#4
April 09, 2003, 03:22:10 PM
Well then that's a perfect incentive for the strip club guy to befriend him for the ulterior motive of conning some of his inheritance to pay off the pimp. I think the strip club guy needs to be the sleezy, traitor type of the group--the one that will stab another in the back just to get away. In fact, you need to work it in there where at least two of the groups looking for them find them and they have to do something to get away. It'd be funny if you kept track of the mafia guys and just had them missing obvious clues and coming no where need the trio until the very end.

There's plenty of incentive for good twists and turns. You've got a good basic story outline that, if you mix it properly, could be awesome.

By the way, how do they all come together to begin with? Or am I jumping to a conclusion and they're all just running around separately?
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands, with all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.

ReelHotGames

#5
April 09, 2003, 03:49:01 PM
A few thoughts and ideas:

Change the mafia guy to a lower level loan shark or such, it will lend a more comedic air to the bumbling of his leg breakers, something they don't have to do often and hence, they aren't proficient at it. Maybe they don't even own guns, they're more "the bat" type. So they have to make a firearm purchase, and find it more difficult than they imagined.

The one who kills the elderly lady during sex should be a gigilo, someone who is payed for the job, so instead of stealing he is really trying to get what he is owed and instead of money he finds food stamps or coins, so when he takes the watch he intends to pawn it.

You could then have him run into the bumbling hitmen at the pawn shop as they search for a gun, transitioning from one storyline to the next.

And the gigilo could work for the owner of the strip club who pimps guys and girls on the side which could tie him to the strip club storyline. The guy who owes money to the strip club - I can only assume he can't pay for services already rendered, maybe is the son of the old lady who dies during sex, he goes to her house for some money, maybe even to steal stuff and finds the place ransacked already.

And maybe the loan shark is owed money by the pimp, and so that makes it more intense that the pimp must get all monies he is owed by everyone.

There's a lot of possibilites to tie these together, and one thing I say is the hell with the "that would never happen" "too much coincidence" talk. This is the story your telling, and believe me, it ain't half as bizarre as the things I heard at the poker tables in my gambling days.

I write stuff that I knw for fact is true into scripts and it becomes the stuff that seems so outrageous, truth IS stranger than fiction.
"Body Count Cinema the Customizable Card Game"
A cinematic CCG coming to a coffee table near you!
www.reelhotgames.com/BodyCountCinema_Home.htm

OmegaSlacker

#6
April 09, 2003, 04:28:44 PM
Wow.  That's all I can say is wow.  This stuff is going so far above and beyond what I expected. You guys are incredible. This shit is awesome.

The basic layout I had in mind is three guys are friends, who all just happen to come into some trouble on the same day (I know there's a lot of coincidence, but I don't care. It's not like this story is going up for a pulitzer or an Oscar. It's a flat out comedy).

The three guys get into their trouble seperately in the opening scenes, and then come together at a hospital (one of them has a senior citizen roommate who fakes heart attacks to get the medications).  Everyone else gets their assignments and the story starts from there.

btw the three main guys are

Stash - The guy who is running from the mafia guy (which is now changed to a small loan shark. Thank you very much, Michael.)
Diggs - the guy who is running from the strip club people (he's also a homosexual, but doesn't know it yet, although tendencies show. His favorite phrase is "Don't judge me."
Scruff - The one who kills the old lady.
When I was just a baby, my momma told me, "Son, always be a good boy, don't ever play with guns." But I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

Raikus

#7
April 09, 2003, 04:55:53 PM
Quote from: OmegaSlackerStash - The guy who is running from the mafia guy (which is now changed to a small loan shark. Thank you very much, Michael.)
Diggs - the guy who is running from the strip club people (he's also a homosexual, but doesn't know it yet, although tendencies show. His favorite phrase is "Don't judge me."
Scruff - The one who kills the old lady.

Cool. You're basing all your character's names off the thugs from Final Fight.  :)
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands, with all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.

OmegaSlacker

#8
April 09, 2003, 05:01:39 PM
Hmmm.   Weird.  I've never seen Final Fight (I've honestly never even heard of it).  Stash is a name I've had since I wrote my very first screenplay (God, was that horrible).  Scruff and Diggs are just something I came up with. In all honesty, it's an extreme coincidence.

What do you think of this title "Stash, Diggs and Scruff's Excellent Adventure"?   The Sequel could be "Stash Diggs and Lou's Bogus Journey"  (Because Scruff goes prima donna and refuses to sign on for less money)
When I was just a baby, my momma told me, "Son, always be a good boy, don't ever play with guns." But I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

Raikus

#9
April 09, 2003, 05:10:37 PM


Just kidding. It reminded me of the type of thug names from this game. Wasn't meant as an insult.

Too bad Stash isn't the homosexual character because then your title could be Stash Diggs Scruff.

yeah, I got nothin'
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands, with all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.

OmegaSlacker

#10
April 09, 2003, 10:00:10 PM
No insult taken Raikus. I honestly had no idea what Final Fight was. I was more of a Double Dragon fan. I'm not even much into games anymore, except the occasional NHL 03 contest.  The EA Sports series kicks ass.
When I was just a baby, my momma told me, "Son, always be a good boy, don't ever play with guns." But I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.
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