Xixax Film Forum

Sharing trailers for upcoming junk quality films - what topic is about. I have zero interest in watching those films, but to be honest sometimes trailers are just enough to get kick out of it: ranging from laughter to improving own ego. Title inspired by "Garbage Pail Kids", since first entry sounds like a name of character from those cards. Enjoy.

Bad Johnson (2014): "A charismatic womanizer receives his comeuppance after his penis mysteriously leaves his body and takes human form."

That is basically a short story idea, and you clearly get everything it's going to give you from the trailer. It could actually be amazing if it were nightmarish and existential instead of a comedy. It could be a Kaufman/Jonze film.

I worked with Cam Gigandet on a short film way back when. I know his parents. Nice dude, but I can't take his face seriously.

Fuck For Forest (2013): The documentary follows Fuck for Forest, or FFF, a non-profit environmental organization founded in 2004 in Norway by Leona Johansson and Tommy Hol Ellingsen, which raises money for rescuing the world's rainforests by producing pornographic material or having sex in public.



Maybe I would watch short documentary on this subject, but almost 90 minutes seems too much.

Vampire Academy (2014): The story features a 17-year-old Dhampir (half-human half-vampire) guardian-in-training Rose Hathaway, and her royal Moroi (the peaceful, mortal vampires) best friend Lissa Dragomir living discreetly within our world, and had escaped from their boarding school St. Vladimir's Academy two years prior to the story. They are soon dragged back to the Academy and rediscovering the dangerous hierarchy within it, along with lies, rumors and secrets. Rose starts to form an attraction to her Russian Dhampir mentor, Dimitri Belikov. The two best friends begin to realize that the threat of the Strigoi (bloodthirsty, undead vampires) is bigger than ever.



This tries to nail so many tropes...

I like to think that we used to have bad trailers for great films (old ones), now it is the opposite. Yet I don't know what to think of this.

The Giver (2014). I'll skip the synopsis this time. Trailers overuses so many tropes to the point of being horrid: gray scale, fade outs, generic music, bad cutting and more... for a $25 million budget film.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oijdb-a9GKY&ebc=ANyPxKo4WBML12k2Q2Dz-heYQKgRPsHMHQx93ajvwxRxVt4pdGJk8ejR-xHd-n0vKYzzWO8zCR5qbzdS1D16XFhrm2Uk_ThITQ



Gods of Egypt director Alex Proyas calls film critics 'diseased vultures'

The film-maker attacks reviewers in a Facebook post after his film received almost universally negative reviews

http://www.theguardian.com/film/2016/mar/01/gods-of-egypt-director-alex-proyas-calls-film-critics-diseased-vultures

Director Alex Proyas has hit out at film critics after his latest film Gods of Egypt met with negative reviews.

The Australian film-maker, who was also behind I, Robot and The Crow, released a long Facebook post (https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=195699647463502&id=100010704046009), calling critics "deranged idiots" and "diseased vultures". It followed his latest film receiving a string of bad reviews and failing to perform at the box office.

"Seems most critics spend their time trying to work out what most people will want to hear," he wrote. "How do you do that? Why these days it is so easy ... just surf the net to read other reviews or what bloggers are saying – no matter how misguided an opinion of a movie might be before it actually comes out."

Gods of Egypt had sparked controversy after posters revealed a largely white cast, despite a plot inspired by classic mythology. It stars Gerard Butler and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau as warring Egyptian gods and Geoffrey Rush as the Egyptian sun god. Feedback was so poor that studio Lionsgate and Proyas apologised for the film's lack of diversity.

But the film's bad reviews (it currently holds a 12% rating on Rotten Tomatoes) and weak box office (it made $14m in its opening US weekend, from an $140m budget) has led to many calling it the year's first disaster.

"We have a pack of diseased vultures pecking at the bones of a dying carcass," Proyas went on to write. "Trying to peck to the rhythm of the consensus. I applaud any film-goer who values their own opinion enough to not base it on what the pack-mentality says is good or bad."

wilder [03|Mar 10:39 PM]:   ohhhhhhhhmmmmyyyyyy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqxUuefgiIQ

wilder [03|Mar 10:39 PM]:   10 - 20 second mark
wilder [03|Mar 10:39 PM]:   NEW CURE
Jeremy Blackman [03|Mar 10:40 PM]:   Wow
wilder [03|Mar 10:41 PM]:   Fucking science nerds thinking they know everything
wilder [03|Mar 10:41 PM]:   Let's Get Back to Basics.
Jeremy Blackman [03|Mar 10:41 PM]:   Get your daughters up on tree limbs
Jeremy Blackman [03|Mar 10:43 PM]:   It'll be like the Let's Move! campaign
wilder [03|Mar 10:43 PM]:   haha
Jeremy Blackman [03|Mar 10:43 PM]:   They'll call it "Go Out On a Limb"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7onFrBK_hKE

NSFW

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ek-Fdt9IGK0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHwKPErsSt8

Head of the Family (https://vimeo.com/191872480)

Yeah, that one looks bad and all, but holy shit, how did I miss Pass Thru the first time around?

Just looked up the writer/director/star/visionary on IMDb. He always casts himself in the lead in his movies, and his characters range from "misunderstood computer genius" to "misunderstood computer genius with mystical powers" to "literally God." He likes to be photographed from a specific angle, and in fact has used the EXACT SAME PHOTOGRAPH of himself on the cover art of two different movies.

I haven't quite brought myself to watch a Neil Breen movie yet, but I know he's amazing.

He made his mark with "Fateful Findings," which is apparently a similar blend of narcissism, mysticism, and government conspiracies.

Wilder made a thread here:

http://xixax.com/index.php?topic=12837.0

This actually made it onto Netflix. AV Club (http://www.avclub.com/review/netflixs-new-show-pacific-heat-asks-what-if-archer-246485) gave it an F.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kgLo8vudXg

Imagine the pitch process: "It's literally just Archer, but made by complete idiots."

This movie is literally based on an story idea that a studio executive's 4-year-old child came up with. Apparently lost Paramount more than $100 million, after horrendous test screenings and extensive reshoots.

And yes, that's Jane Levy from Don't Breathe.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpnivAiV_6A

I mean, this actually does look fun.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4LM-hygS5s

i miss Mel btw

this topic ties into Snafu. except that's exaggerated, because barely. it's easy to find statements saying Munro Leaf contributed to Private Snafu, but his credit list is nonexistent, and the most i could find was this (http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1540-5931.2007.00404.x/full)--

QuoteAlthough Munro Leaf cowrote only one or two of the SNAFU cartoons

notice it does't even mention which episodes.

but Munro Leaf definitely wrote this--

(https://xixax.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FJ7rLvlc.jpg&hash=96600ebd066c8b0ed5fee68abe0901d67eda636e)

here's some background about that--

QuoteHe is best known for The Story of Ferdinand (1936), a children's classic which he wrote on a yellow legal-length pad in less than an hour,

QuoteLeaf is said to have written the story on a whim in an afternoon in 1935, largely to provide his friend, illustrator Robert Lawson (then relatively unknown) a forum in which to showcase his talents.

and i think it's an absolutely wonderful children's book. it celebrates the potential personal paradise of an introvert. which thank god someone does. this book was translated all over the world and became a big hit among adults of its time period--

QuoteIn 1938, Life magazine called Ferdinand "the greatest juvenile classic since Winnie the Pooh" and suggested that "three out of four grownups buy the book largely for their own pleasure and amusement."

now, this is being posted in garbage pail trailers because of this--



Ferdinand calls himself complex but as a character he's exposing himself much more than he does in the book, which in fact narrows his complexity (by narrowing his mystery). this is some kid shit and those of us without kids have no reason to see this movie. those of us with kids should certainly go, i think.

but anyway here's the 1938 Disney version, it's a short, it does a sublime job of retaining the book's strongest characteristics (and i believe it's the book word-for-word:

Quote from: jenkins on August 01, 2017, 06:57:05 PM
but anyway here's the 1938 Disney version, it's a short, it does a sublime job of retaining the book's strongest characteristics (and i believe it's the book word-for-word:

fun (?) fact: probably every swede has seen this short or bits of it. it's broadcasted every christmas eve, together with other shorts in Disneys christmas special From all of us to all of you, and it's a huge tradition to watch it. the record is apparently from 1997 when half of the population watched it:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/From_All_of_Us_to_All_of_You

also, elliott smith had a ferdinand tattoo which itself is is kinda cute.

It's strange and wonderful to have a deep connection to these old cartoons. Like KJ mentioned about Sweden, Ferdinand and others were also shown in Norway every Christmas. I just rewatched it and got that Proustian deep sense of remembering and identification. It felt like I felt a lot like Ferdinand growing up - which might be me projecting, but I do picture myself slumped over a couch at my grandma's place, feeling gently happy that something validates my flower-smelling. Lambert the Sheepish Lion was another cartoon that went deep deep deep (those screams at the end!), but that one ends up telling pretty exactly the opposite story of Ferdinand, and not as comforting.

When I saw these in my childhood, they didn't feel quaint or ancient. They felt part of a continuum, part of the same aesthetic I was fed on through Cartoon Network (Scooby Doo, Flintsones, Jetsons, even though those were made later). I wonder if it's the same now. Thirty years have made them seem very different. Growing up, watching something like Lambert wasn't a choice, it just happened to be on television, which meant that between watching it there could be years (if I ever got to see it again), and the images became ossified in my brain and mingled with my own thoughts and made into something different and big and strange, and eventually blended in with a vague sense of the totality of my childhood. "Grandma + couch + lambert and/or ferdinand" is a pretty good container for what I feel my childhood was. Now I've seen Lambert five times on youtube the last five years and all the mystery has been sapped. So. I don't even know what I'm rambling about here. I didn't mean to go all "IN THE AGE OF GOOGLE", and I'm sure there are plenty of mysteries, but I wonder if...oh my god kill me now.

 :yabbse-grin:

You have to ramble on a lot more to REALLY have that Proustian deep sense!

But yeah, I get where you're coming from. The nostalgia from cartoons/other stuff you watched in your childhood can be wonderful sometimes.

Didn't you make quite a nostalgic short film about childhood, withnail?

Quote from: Just Withnail on August 07, 2017, 04:22:51 AM
When I saw these in my childhood, they didn't feel quaint or ancient. They felt part of a continuum, part of the same aesthetic I was fed on through Cartoon Network (Scooby Doo, Flintsones, Jetsons, even though those were made later). I wonder if it's the same now.

such a lovely post the whole way through. there's so much i want to say in response to this particular portion, although i consider my thoughts building on this matter, in perhaps the same way yours are.

i read the feeling described like this recently--

QuoteI live in this weird culturally timeless collector/nerd sphere where I remember things that occurred before I was born because I saw them on ads in Marvel comics I bought at fleamarkets or my grandfather's Playboy stash. I just asked a person who is five years younger than me if they remember Grit. When the fuck would I have been selling Grit?

in what ways is time real and delineated, in what ways are we mortal, and in what ways is time just a human dreamscape? that's what i wonder these days.

This exists?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Y-CJjJ-jtw

Comedian Brent Weinbach (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Phr2GlWA1S8) mentioned that his father wrote and produced this movie on the latest episode of WTF. Bizarrely, it's directed by the great cinematographer Jack Cardiff (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUCwnPP8G5w) (Black Narcissus, The Red Shoes), and is apparently only the second movie after Tod Browning's Freaks (1932) to star actual "freaks":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsgmvtBBwp8

Quote from: Jeremy Blackman on August 19, 2017, 10:13:52 AM
This exists?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Y-CJjJ-jtw

Hmm... Maybe DirectTV would do my texas two-step teen-horror screenplay...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUZLUisXtP4

s/o to Mel, never forget Mel

Rock You Like A Hurricane plays during the trailer to The Hurricane Heist. this appears to be pure garbage, honestly i become tired during the trailer. it was directed by Rob Cohen, who'd like to return to F&F. this is the essence of trash, which i've strayed from over the years. it's tough to keep up with this stuff.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCwwxNbtK6Y

looks way better than Hurricane Heist imo. i'd watch Cobra Kai in theory but i'll never prove it

It doesn't look terrible until about 1:20, but then it certainly does IMO.

But yeah Hurricane Heist is worse for sure. "Here comes the harsh part" is not a great one-liner for a trailer. Also what is this: "Here goes nothin'" / "You better hope not"...

Honestly though, I do wanna watch this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ac5wrM2uYbk

has anyone gone to see it? i thought it'd do well and i'd be like "oh looks silly," but now that it's not doing well i'm like "hm what's the problem"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SIXHA7vQ4A

why 'garbage' has replaced 'trash' in the cultural lexicon is beyond my understanding--who chooses longer words???--but certainly Uwe Boll is a star in the sphere of trash cinema, like Troma, and like Troma i haven't seen his movies and i don't want to, but props for your bad spirit that's somehow brought you success regardless.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_8U7gjb2k4

this is what i mean when i say i don't like period movies. i once gave my niece The Pure and The Impure, btw.

this is kid shit but this is kid holiday shit with music by tyler the creator

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UOh0UX3alI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsth7Msq-CI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvvZaBf9QQI


This trailer received such furious backlash that the director is promising to "fix" the design of Sonic:

QuoteThank you for the support. And the criticism. The message is loud and clear... you aren't happy with the design & you want changes. It's going to happen. Everyone at Paramount & Sega are fully committed to making this character the BEST he can be... #sonicmovie #gottafixfast

I'll admit, the "is your child in that bag?" bit at the end gave me a sensible chuckle, but overall this looks very bad. It's not even a modern sort of bad, it's the sort of bad we used to see all the time in like the late-90s to early-00s. It's The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle bad.

And yes, that character design is nightmare fuel.

First: I don't understand why they made a Sonic movie. I'm not sure that Sonic fans are happy to play Sonic games anymore, so why would they want to watch a Sonic movie. Second: I can't believe that they couldn't see that the design was pure garbage, people make memes with that kind of "reimagination". Like someone said somewhere: it looks like the studio didn't have the rights for Sonic. Third: Weirdly, I'm sure that people now plan to watch this movie because of that disastrous trailer.

That tweet shows how insane the design for the movie is:

https://twitter.com/EdwardPun1/status/1123261756048953344

I think the studio is overestimating the reaction, most people don't care about the movie, it's just interesting because it's crazy.

I really don't have a dog in the race because I'm never going to see the movie regardless, but this is more genuinely terror-inducing than most horror movie monsters...

(https://i.imgur.com/59hq74H.jpg)

Attaching the rework that Drenk linked to. That looks decent! The original is all kinds of wrong; it looks like a weird alien being has put on a Sonic costume. Under the Skin for 2019.

Looks like a little kid with hypertrichosis wearing Sonic pajamas.

The origins of Sonic:

Nick Robinson* made a pretty entertaining reaction to it.


*The creator of this masterpiece:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp2ufFO4QGg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OY0i_ThZtFg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8pVypMhub8

Oh my god, the director's production company is called "Courageous Content"

Not strictly a fit for this thread, but please play along:

DO NOT CHEAT. As the tweet says, watch the whole trailer and wait for the title reveal.

https://twitter.com/jennyyangtv/status/1448470198739111939

HA - that was *great*. I am so seeing that.

I'm gonna be that guy that says, "Yeah, I don't get it..."

(It certainly checked all the diversity boxes though. With blue, green, red and black ink.)

It's easy to see without looking too far that not much is really sacred

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BkVf2voCr0

Quote from: eward on October 14, 2021, 01:11:42 PM
It's easy to see without looking too far that not much is really sacred

Love to read that and then see what was referenced was a family film produced by John Hughes
its juxtaposition pointing to modern cults perhaps?

NSFW

Quote from: eward on October 14, 2021, 01:11:42 PM
It's easy to see without looking too far that not much is really sacred

My first reaction was, "Wait, are they actually....?"   That being said, there are a lot of actors in there I happen to enjoy.

Quote from: eward on October 14, 2021, 01:11:42 PM
It's easy to see without looking too far that not much is really sacred

(https://i.imgur.com/AgkQWDI.gif)

Stumbled on this on IMDb and was awestruck by this poster:

(https://i.imgur.com/b0wciLt.jpg)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qjV0bB2V0Q


Sly's recutting Rocky IV lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6YkOQ6ERDI

Yes, this is a real thing.

Look, if this paves the way for a dark and gritty Small Wonder reboot that's all about a little robot girl struggling with the implications of AI sentience, I'm all for it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPfK-pzQKEY

Honestly; good premise, lol.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-K6OSfk2eA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAWBMgX9Oos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SX-jF6dTPU

Oh... oh no...