Looking for review on new short (under 5 min)

[DigitalFriend]

http://riggedproductions.com/newstuff/

You can see it there.

Not my usual thing...curious as to what people think...

[kotte]

I liked it but I didn't get the hints that he was lonely. Probably will if I watch it again.

This is real short film.

[Redlum]

Nice little short. Not sure how much the 16mm is swaying my opinion though.

Yes. This is real short film.

[Pubrick]

yeah that was really nice. it's refreshing to see a short that is happy to be cute and not overstay its welcome. good sound, simple story, nothing pretentious at all. i think that's quite an achievement in itself.

[DigitalFriend]

Thanks very much, Im still going to let it marinate a bit more to see if theres anything I can change and then I'll say, "Ok im done messing with it, its done."

If anyone has any more comments on how to improve it, toss them my way.

My main concern is people who say its too slow.  I think it has to be sorta meditative for it to work in my mind anyway, what do you think?

Heres a long review from someone I respect on it (hope he doesnt mind), comment if you can!

"I don't know if you're planning on changing anything, but my main
critique is twofold:  it's a tad bit too long, and it's too disjointed.
The first you'd be able to fix with editing, the second might just be
based at the script stage. I didn't notice it when I read the script so
much, but it stuck out to me watching the film itself -- the surreal
events, while excellently visualized, are very independent of each
other, and keep the film from maintaining a sense of progression. An
obvious comparison, which I hope you don't mind, would be one of
Lynch's short films or even Un Chien Andelou, where the bizarre
circumstances all build on each other eventually creating a
complimentary whole. There's a little bit of that here, since all the
scenes have to do with an overall sense of detachment and loneliness,
with the final shot providing a resolution of some sort, but it's all
so detached in and of itself that it wasn't as compelling as it could
be. Perhaps a fade to black in between each scenario would help.

One other major problem was that the guy on the chair at the end is not
immediately recognizable as the body under the sand. I'm sure everyone
who watches it will be able to put two and two together, but it's the
kind of image you want to sell immediately, and what you have now
doesn't cut it. I don't know if you have extra footage, or if there's a
chance of a pickup shot in the future, but a simple shot of the body
being exhumed more completely would probably solve this problem.

As for the length problems I mentioned above...it goes hand in hand
with the disjointed nature of the film. I wouldn't sweat  about it that
much, but if there are things you can find to cut, they're probably
things that people won't miss. Perhaps you could cut down on some of
the shakier, seemingly handheld shots, since they don't come across as
nicely as the static ones. You may even consider cutting some of your
babies...for example, the shot of the laptop, with the extension chord
stretching up the beach, is a beautiful and evocative one -- but it's
anticlimactic, after the brilliantly realized image of the sand pouring
from within it.

But those are my only problems...overall, I was highly impressed. The
photography was gorgeous, the sound design was excellent...oh wait, I
had one thing to say about that too. I thought the squeeky ball seemed
too loud...you should see if you can re-record that effect with
something a little less perky, more wheezy...like the penguin in Toy
Story. But that's just me. Other than that, the sound design was
excellent. And that actor was terrific, at least as far as a dialogue
free performance goes (which in my opinion goes quite a long way).
Everything I loved about the script came through perfectly -- there
were just a few little things that came with it that detract from the
overall experience. But nonetheless, bravo."