Feedback Needed on Film Noir Script

[xerxes]

no, fragmented or not, it's very helpful.

i see what you mean about the last conversation not relating to the rest of the script.  i was writing it to relate back to her husband, but i understand where you're coming from.  it would be nice if there was an overall theme of change throughout.

[kotte]

no, fragmented or not, it's very helpful.

i see what you mean about the last conversation not relating to the rest of the script.  i was writing it to relate back to her husband, but i understand where you're coming from.  it would be nice if there was an overall theme of change throughout.

I've been thinking about your script and I actually find the lack of theme or meaning (if you will) kind of cool. Then it's more a slice of (underground) life piece.

[xerxes]

i was kinda going for that feel, so i'm glad that you said that.  although i would hope that it could provide some type of meaning.

but i don't know if i really believe in sitting down and starting to write something with the idea with "this is what it's going to mean."  i don't know what i'm talking about.  i just think the meaning should come out of the story, not that the story should come out of the meaning.  whatever, i don't know, i'm just rambling here.

[kotte]

i just think the meaning should come out of the story, not that the story should come out of the meaning.

I agree.

I think if a story is carved out of a pre-determined we have a classic example of pretention.

Stephen King wrote about his technique in his book 'On Writing' (a very good book).
What he does is that he sits down and writes a first draft with only the story in his head. Then he reads it over and looks for hints of possible meanings. It's when he sits down to write the second draft that he tries to pull out more of that meaning and make it more "visible".

So I'm a strong believer in "story dictates meaning". Filmmakers are storytellers not preaching assholes.

But I just got the feeling the last scene that you aspired for something but didn't really pull it off.

[Recce]

send it over
d_di_francesco@hotmail.com

[xerxes]

But I just got the feeling the last scene that you aspired for something but didn't really pull it off.

hopefully i can make it work better in the second draft.

[Ghostboy]

I might be a bit tardy in my response, but I'd love to read it: davidpatricklowery@gmail.com

[Alethia]

me too please:  ericward1@verizon.net

[xerxes]

anyone finish it?

[xerxes]

guess that's a no

[xerxes]

so it's been a month since the last post.

still looking for some feedback.

i've given it to quite a few people on and off this site over the past couple months and to my knowledge only two have finished it.

which leads me to believe that it's incredibly boring.

or maybe i should chalk it up to "if you don't have anything good to say..."

either way, someone break it to me.

[Pubrick]

maybe u should put this advice into practice:

"Feedback Needed on Film Noir Script"

[Ghostboy]

Yikes! I'm terrible - I'll have it read by the weekend. I did download the FD viewer you sent me, and it worked this time. And then I need to go read the latest draft of matt35mm's script, too.

EDIT: Finished it! You have a type on page 10 - a sentence talking about people having a good time is missing the word 'be.' Beyond that, you'll be getting an e-mail from me tomorrow...

[kotte]

I'd love to read what Ghostboy have to say about this...

Post it here if it's okay with you.

[xerxes]

thanks GB, i really appreciate it and i looked forward to your comments.

I'd love to read what Ghostboy have to say about this...

Post it here if it's okay with you.

i have no problem with his comments being posted here, as long as it is all right with him.