nondescript

[picolas]

format gets messed up when i copy and paste. the end.

FADE IN.

INT. OUTSIDE A TOILET

DERN pushes the CAMERA into a BATHROOM with his chest. No pushing.

DERN

NO, YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE!
YOU'RE THE FUCKING ASSHOLE!
YOU'RE THE FUCKING ASS—FUCK!
FUCK. YOU. ASSFUCKING.. SHITHOLE!

DERN takes a second to breathe. HE was speaking to a MIRROR.

HE begins writing what he just said onto some PAPER as SOMEONE ELSE enters.

CUT TO:

INT. A NONDESCRIPT OFFICE SPACE

DERN enters the OFFICE. He walks with tree-trunk steps, heading straight for MR. GRETLER as he throws the PAPER into a TRASH CAN without looking.

   DERN

Mr. Gretler.. you're-

GRETLER (cutting him off)

Yes?

DERN

Ye- you're the asshole.

GRETLER

What?

DERN

You.. are.. you're the assho...

Beat.

DERN realizes his mistake.

GRETLER

Are you—

DERN (cutting him off)

You're THE asshole! Ah..Haha!
THE.. asshole!

GRETLER

Are-

DERN (cutting him off)

THE ASSHOLE! EVERYBODY LOOK! HAHAHA!

PEOPLE are gathering around them now.

DERN (cont')

IT'S THE ASSHOLE HIMSELF! GRETLER!
WHAT A.. WHAT A GREAT GUY! HUH? EVERYBODY?!
SUPER!

DERN claps.

NOBODY claps.

GRETLER

I think y-

DERN

TH-THIS MAN IS.. HELPING us! Do things we
would never do! The company! Before he was here
we weren't off so well and now that he.. is we're
doing just as well if not better.. as others! Don't
try to stop this guy! Oooh! Haha. Well.

Most of the PEOPLE have left by now.

GRETLER

Clear out your desk.

DERN

DAMMIT! Not even-

GRETLER

No. Clear out your desk.

DERN

DAMMIT.

GRETLER

Towards the end I was thinking
about not, but then you didn't
really follow through.

DERN

..Yeah.. I know.

GRETLER

It's okay.

DERN

...Yeah.

BUSTERSON (off screen)

GRETLER!

GRETLER

Yes, Mr. Busterson?

BUSTERSON enters the picture.

BUSTERSON

Were you about to fire this man?!

GRETLER

..I just did, sir.

BUSTERSON

ASSHOLE! YOU'RE OUTTA HERE!

GRETLER

But sir, he w-

BUSTERSON

BUT GET OUT, GRETLER!

GRETLER runs off, crying.

DERN

Wow! So does this mean I-

BUSTERSON

No. You're still fired. I just
really wanted to fire you first is all.
You're the worst volley ball net designer
I've ever seen.

DERN

Uhh.. This company makes novelty light
switches that fart when you flick them
off, though. Actually the volleyball
part is downstairs.

BUSTERSON

Really?

DERN

I think so. It would explain all
these novelty light switches that fart
when you switch them off
lying around here.

BUSTERSON

Damn. Well shit. Sorry.

DERN

So I'm not fired?

BUSTERSON

I.. I guess not.. I guess I just..
worked my way up the chain of
command to get here.. 40 years working..
doing something I thought I loved...
but that love.. turned into a lie.

Beat.

BUSTERSON (cont')

I-I'm sorry, I'll get out of here..
I need time..

DERN

Don't leave, sir!

BUSTERSON

Why shouldn't I?! I thought I could
help my niece play volleyball just a
little bit better! Now I'm.. 45 years old!
Nothing!

DERN

Oh. Now I get it. What a shame!

BUSTERSON

Yep. Yep. So I resign. You
can take over if you want.
I don't care.

DERN

Cool!

[OmegaSlacker]

either I didn't get a damn bit about it, or that that was the worst thing I've ever read (and I've read my own stuff, damn it!)

[Pubrick]

that was my favorite lynch thing.

[picolas]

either I didn't get a damn bit about it, or that that was the worst thing I've ever read (and I've read my own stuff, damn it!)

what was one specific thing you didn't get?

[RegularKarate]

I think Busterson should have been Gretler... Dern is okay, but the lightswitches need to go.