Thomas Edison (Short Film Available for Viewing)

mehico · February 03, 2005, 01:10:36 PM

there's not really anything that i can say that hasn't already been said. I liked what you were saying with the script. But i feel that you need to make the transition from hysterical to phylisophical a little more smooth, other than that, great job!

kotte, why do you feel the characters should be older?

cine · February 03, 2005, 01:14:09 PM

Quote from: mehicophylisophical

kotte · February 03, 2005, 01:30:31 PM

Quote from: mehicokotte, why do you feel the characters should be older?

I don't know. When I envision them as 18 I see over-acting, under-educated, wanna-be Sean Penn with a touch of Del Toro and a bit of Pacino.
But seriously, after reading it a second time I got a sense of how much more fascinating they would be with a few years and a bit of life under their belt.
And I've seen too many shorts with too many hysterical teens...

mehico · February 03, 2005, 01:49:40 PM

cinephile: ahem, sorry i meant to put fyllasoficul, my bad.

kotte: good call. but i feel it would really depend on the casting. For some reason i really can't picture it in my head with anyone older and alot of the dilaogue seems very 'teen-angst'

ono · February 03, 2005, 01:58:55 PM

Quote from: mehicocinephile: ahem, sorry i meant to put fyllasoficul, my bad.

I meant to say "file-a-booster." My bad.

cine · February 03, 2005, 02:00:52 PM

Quote from: mehicofyllasoficul

kotte · February 03, 2005, 02:03:33 PM

I hate it when actresses wanna be Al Pacino.

mehico · February 03, 2005, 02:35:32 PM

i hate it when actresses try and be vin diesel.

matt35mm · March 20, 2005, 01:29:54 PM

AN UPDATE:

This movie is starting to get into official pre-production (not counting the screenplay). I'm starting to hire crew and planning out how to practically execute things.

I am currently re-writing the screenplay. This will be the last written draft before auditions (which will be in a month and a half). After that, I'm sure there will be a few more changes, but they won't be written.

I've been letting the movie live in my head for the past few months, just letting things develop in there as I take in comments to this fifth draft that you guys read here. I'm very excited because I believe that I've got a lot of really great ideas that will help take it from a B-level script to an A-level script. I'm going to make a lot of changes that I think will take care of a lot of the concerns that the readers have had, as well as please me more. So in a few weeks, I should have a brand new draft that I really think will be a 100% improvement over the last draft.

Everything is on schedule for shooting in mid-July.

matt35mm · March 27, 2005, 11:32:43 PM

Here's the new, sixth draft of Thomas Edison: [LINK REMOVED because it's an old draft]

I lied--this won't be the last written draft, but it's close to it.

I'm looking for really heavy criticism of it. I do believe that it has been much improved upon, it's much, much easier to read, but I know it's still not perfect. I know you guys can help. I'm relying on Xixax a lot and am giving it (along with the individuals who help out by reading and commenting on the script) a big thanks in the credits because I know that there's no group (that I have access to, anyway, heh) who knows more about movies than this one.

I've hired four crew members (four people that I'd trust with my life), and at the current stage, all we do is get together and tear into the script, so I am certainly used to criticism and I never take it personally, so please be hypercritical of it!

Nothing is too small or too big to point out, whether it's positive or negative. Tell me everything. Even if you truly think that the entire premise is terrible and should never be made into a movie, make sure that I know that.

Remember, I'm looking to make it a great movie, not just a decent one. Help me do that, please!

At the end of your comments, I'd also like the letter grade that you'd give this draft, as well as the grade for the potential of the final movie, given a lot of work and good execution (It helps to know that I'm not wasting everybody's time if I know that we're working on a potentially fantastic film).

Thanks a bunch!

cine · March 27, 2005, 11:34:06 PM

dude your sig is doing coke:

matt35mm · April 10, 2005, 05:08:33 AM

FINAL DRAFT--Click To Download (PDF File, 21 pages)

There will be more changes that evolve naturally during the rehearsals and production, I'm sure, but this will be the final written draft. If you'd like to read it, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Like I said, there's room for change, so don't be afraid to give any input or tell me what areas may need some tweaking. Everything helps.

Audition applications begin this week. Actors apply, I send them the script and info about the production. In about three weeks, the auditions will actually take place. Things are on track and going well for this movie--I'm doing a surprisingly good job as a producer so far, it seems.

kotte · April 11, 2005, 08:19:32 AM

What I said before pretty much stands but you did a good job revising and reformatting. Though to be frank I'm not even sure I know anything about formatting anymore (Kill Bill littered with 'we see...' etc).

with very good actors (you'll need very good actors to pull it off) this can be really good. Your script is something that, handled poorly, will fall a long way flat on its face.
Take you time with casting!!

And Good Luck!

PS. Keep us posted...

matt35mm · April 11, 2005, 10:44:10 PM

Quote from: kottewith very good actors (you'll need very good actors to pull it off) this can be really good. Your script is something that, handled poorly, will fall a long way flat on its face.
Take you time with casting!!

Oh trust me, I know. You don't know how much time and effort I'm putting into casting (and everything else). And no one knows better than I do how precarious the whole thing is--but I DO have very solid confidence in myself as a director, so I'm feeling good about it all. But don't worry--no shortcuts on this movie. I simply would not make this with actors that I feel would crap it up, or do anything that would crap this up.

That's why I feel that I'm doing a pretty good job as a producer, because I'm building the most solid foundation that I possibly can to make this film on. Like I said--no shortcuts. I'm doing everything that I can to guard against all of the things that could crap this up. I am going for broke--nothing less than the best we can do.

Thanks, Kotte! Everything helps.

xerxes · April 11, 2005, 11:18:49 PM

i only skimmed over the previous comments so i'm not really sure if i'm bringing up things that have already been brought up.

the dialogue in and around page 8 seemed a little off to me. i like the fact that it is never revealed what exactly happened (by that i mean the actual events) to paul, but you are clearly going out of your way here to not mention anything. i'm not saying you should spell things out here but i think maybe there could be, maybe some small revelation of something concrete. ok i really lost my train of thought and i'm not sure if any of that made any sense. it's kind of a small detail.

i liked the end, but if it were me making it i might consider ending it a tad earlier. like maybe with the three-shot and nicole putting on her seatbelt. i'm not really sure why exactly, but it feels more right to me to not have alex notice that paul is awake.

anyway, i think it'll turn out great. good luck.