On The Lot

[72teeth]

....a sexy, sssexy bullet shield.







ratner's a creep!

[MacGuffin]

They've been rotating filmmakers to whore plug their own films.

LaBeouf and Bay Guest Judge On the Lot

Moviemaking competition series "On the Lot" will air its weekly "Film Premiere" episode this Tuesday, June 5 (8:00-9:00 PM ET live/PT tape-delayed) on Fox, with Transformers star Shia LaBeouf and director Michael Bay serving as guest judges along with regulars Carrie Fisher and Garry Marshall.

The remaining 15 director finalists have been divided into three groups of five, and the first group Sam Friedlander, Hilary Graham, Trever James, Shalini Kantayya and Adam Stein will premiere their personal submission films and receive the judges' critiques. Viewers will vote for their favorite films after the show.

[MacGuffin]

I can't stand Carrie Fisher as a judge.

Word.

You'd think for a writer, she would have a wider vocabulary, but she's always at a loss for words in explaining her critique; like the answer will come if she keeps waving her arms around.

I've only seen the comedy shorts episode, and the show's okay, mildly entertaining enough for me to tune in again tonight.

It was better when they showed the filmmakers working on their shorts and the butting heads and egos coming out. Now it's become the American Idol portion of the show.

Luckily I missed Ratner's appearance.

Look what I have for you:

[Pubrick]

i can't stand this show. at first it was pretty cool like you said it was more project runway than american idol, which is great cos the latter is possibly the WORST reality show of all time (the former being one of the better ones). and i like reality tv. the results episodes are the worst directed piece of tv ever shown, permit me to rant on:

• going row by row, there is absolutely no tension in the first few ppl they talk to, they will OBVIOUSLY go through. why not just pull out the bottom two and then announce the winner out of the rest? oh right, padding.
• it was obvious too that the girls would always be in the bottom two. it's ridiculous when garry marshall (dude should be in a home) can't get over that some directors are FEMALE and that's all he can talk about. it's funny cos the films speak for themselves, girls can't direct for shit.
• "Ghetta Room".. was OBVIOUSLY about a retard. if the director couldn't tell that his actor was playing a spaz then he himself must have some problems. and you know what? it was still funny, actually moreso, unintentional or not. that was good that he won the popular vote.
• i wonder how many of the judges' favourites are Jewish. yeah.. i'm not gonna go there.
• even though the girl's films were pretty much all embarrassing, how the HELL did that "street smart" director of skate videos get through with Alley Cat Crazy Cab Services or whatever that abortion was called? my god that is seriously the WORST short film i have ever seen in my life. wow, and the dude who made a trailer should be eliminated based on that alone (sorry gamblor).
• the young brit that made "Please Hold" or whatever, while his film was based on an OLD joke that went on way too long, showed a million times more talent than the other young competitor from NYU, that girl with the zombies and shit trying to change a lightbulb--- what the hell was that??? she only got through because she's attractive.

i dont' look forward to the rest of this series. especially when they don't show you anything about the making of the films apart from the intro package., there's more to rant about, but whatever. just reminds me that the film industry is mostly douche bags.

anyway, my favourites were:
-Danger Zone, by Zach Lipovsky (the prize is his to lose, it might finally get him laid)
-Replication Theory (this was underrated and pretty ambitious for a short film, pulled off the high/low concept perfectly AND was funny)
-Lucky Penny was kinda stupid obvious but it was so well made and so sweet, and i feel sorry for the director.

[MacGuffin]

Yeah, it doesn't get any better this week. Except for the Indian girl's short, the rest were just awful. The musical made me cringe.

For the most part, I actually kinda agreed with Michael Bay. 


This parody is funnier than any of the contestants' shorts:

[Kal]

I have not seen this yet... I was thinking about downloading the episodes so far... is it worth it at all?

[picolas]

i've wanted to post about this but i felt overwhelmed by the amount there was to complain about. Pubrick has gotten through most of it. some of this is repeats but i had to get it off my chest.

- right off the bat the show treats you like an idiot by making the audience applaud all throughout the useless opening monologue (which explains what the announcer just said moments ago) in order to make you think THIS IS THE BIGGEST THING EVER. but clearly the audience is trained to applaud and it's all very inhuman.
- the results episode last week was pretty much the most tedious television possible. probably 5 minutes of new information in one hour. they know that because they're down to one ep now.
- yeah the taxi cab movie was beyond disgusting. the premise involved not being able to stand a guy for longer than a minute so there was never any way for it to be a good movie. why would people like a shitty person that was designed to be so shitty you couldn't be around them? almost everything the guy who made it says is about someone else not getting something or being stupid or about how he didn't go to film school as though he's being attacked or invalidated for it. the trailer guy is also a horrible person.
- yeah the 911 joke guy was probably the most visually impressive and i don't understand why he was kicked aside from the unoriginality of his short.
- gary marshall says everything as though it's a weird punchline and the audience keeps encouraging him and i feel really uncomfortable. and carrie fisher isn't qualified to judge this. dj caruso was annoyingly happy no matter what he was talking about. michael bay is by far the greatest judge so far.
- the host should just be a piece of paper or the voiceover from the beginning of the show because she's so effing vapid.
- oh yeah, the guy who directed lucky penny. every single shot of him in the whole show is him tugging at your heart strings somehow.
- i remember in media 9 (the filmmaking class at my high school) seeing all the other shorts at the end of the term and thinking for the most part how grateful i was that i hadn't seen them at the beginning because the bar would have been lowered so much that i wouldn't have made something as good as what i ended up with. the worst thing about this show is the feeling of people who aren't good at what they do. it's not limited to the filmmakers but the fact that these guys have been filtered from 12,000 entries makes me sad. some of them are enjoyable and i can't not watch because it's such a good idea for a show, but it's probably the hardest show for me to watch ever.

[Tictacbk]

I donno if anyones mentioned this yet but I was watching the "Get to know the contestants" video online today and they asked a bunch of them if they could change the ending to one film what would it be and why.  Shira-Lee Shalit said she would change the ending of Magnolia, so if you're looking for someone to hate...there she is.

As for the show...Whenever I watch it I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I know many many people who can make better films than these contestants. 

[modage]

Shira-Lee Shalit said she would change the ending of Magnolia, so if you're looking for someone to hate...there she is.

link?  does she say what she would change it to or WHY!?

[Tictacbk]

http://www.thelot.com/episodes/?ep=3&vd=53


3:35 into the video...

[modage]

"At the ending of Magnolia the frogs come out.  And for me the movie was almost a masterpiece except for that ending because it took it in a whole different direction.  So that is what I would change in that film.  I wouldn't have the frogs at the ending of Magnolia."  -- an idiot on TV

[MacGuffin]

I say we all buy those eBay frogs, get audience seats and dump them on her on stage; just like in Carrie, except, instead of blood, it'll rain toads on her and her only powers will be the ability to wee herself.



EDIT:

At 1:38, Kenny wouldn't kill the sharks in the Jaws films because he "admires" them.


At 2:12, Jessica wants to change the ending of A.I. to not have the "aliens" come back.


At 4:09, Will wouldn't have burnt such "a nice sled" in Citizen Kane.

[MacGuffin]

Cinematical Seven: Ways to Save 'On the Lot'

I've had enough. Ever since Fox first announced that Steven Spielberg and Mark Burnett were teaming up to produce a reality show in which aspiring filmmakers competed against one another for $1 million and an "office" at Dreamworks, I was skeptical but interested. Burnett is one of the best in the business at what he does, and Spielberg is, well, Spielberg. Surely, combined, the two would shell out one of the most talked-about reality shows in history, right? Wrong. This thing is a disaster. They can't decide on a consistent format, the host is a babbling mess and we never actually get to watch these kids making films (which, in my opinion, is the most appealing part of the show). Nope, instead, they give us random celebrity judges (out promoting their new movie), half-assed short films (with no explanation as to when or how they were put together) and a slew of contestants who are forgettable five seconds after they walk off stage. How did this happen? How do they fix it? Here are seven suggestions that, if applied correctly, could save On the Lot from its imminent cancellation.

1) Screw the American Idol format and start giving these kids tasks

The show got off to a great start when they asked each kid to come up with an original pitch based on one of five different loglines. Not only did this allow the audience at home to brainstorm their own ideas on how they would pitch the concept, but it gave us something to anticipate. What they should've done from there is maintained this mini-task theme; throw the kids into groups and ask them to make a one-minute film without any dialogue. Have them come up with a two-minute short utilizing three random objects placed in a box that, somehow, would have to be incorporated into the story. Give them a writing challenge. Give them a blue screen challenge. Force them to choose three strangers off the street to use as actors in a completely improvised short. Make this show fun. Make it exciting to watch. While filmmaking is a creative medium, all On the Lot does is take a gigantic piss on creativity by blatantly ripping off other, more successful shows in an attempt to convince the viewer that what they're watching makes sense, when it doesn't.

2) Show, don't tell

Film is a visual medium and yet all these people do is talk, talk, talk. Is anyone else sick and tired of the judges throwing out random bits of film terminology as if those at home know exactly what they're talking about? When D.J. Caruso says that he liked a contestant's use of a rack focus, show us the damn rack focus with a simple definition. God forbid someone actually learns something while they're watching. Oh, and in case you were interested (from the glossary of film terms): Rack Focus -- "A shot where focus is changed while shooting. Unlike a Follow Focus shot, a rack focus shot is usually done not from the necessity of keeping someone in focus but to shift attention from one thing to another."

3) Either replace Adriana Costa as host or give her a couple Valium before each show

Quite simply, the girl is a complete moron. But I can't even blame her; the show's format changes so much that she probably doesn't know what's going to happen until they feed her the line three seconds before she's supposed to say it. Regardless, she's all over the place and looks more uncomfortable on stage than Lindsay Lohan at a benefit concert for M.A.D.D. Either give her a few Valium before each show so that she calms down to level that's not ridiculously awkward (why does she want each contestant to wrap their arms around her -- is she that desperate for a hug?) or replace her with someone who actually knows a thing or two about how films are made. Wow, imagine that?

4) Explain the rules

Mark Burnett should know better. If you look at a show like Survivor or The Apprentice, each task is clearly defined and we know exactly how much the contestants were given (be it time, tools and resources) to complete the goal assigned to them. This week we were told each person had five days to complete a three-minute short film. Seeing as the show is live each week (and seeing how these shorts were apparently created in each contestant's home town), how in the world was it possible for them to shoot, cast and edit their shorts in the one week since the last episode? Oh, that's right, they didn't. Why? Because they've been sequestered in a mansion this entire time. What you watched this past week were submission tapes; films packaged together prior to the show going on the air. These weren't films completed in the week since the previous episode, and yet that was never told to us. A week before that, they were asked to complete a one-minute comedy short. Were they given a camera? A budget? Actors? How come none of this was ever explained to us?

5) We need to care more about the contestants

As it is right now, we know practically nothing about these people. Sure, we're beginning to learn a little bit through each of their films, but the show needs to become more personal. If they maintained the mini-challenge format, allowing us to stand alongside them as they rush to write, cast, shoot and edit, then the show automatically becomes more intimate. Not only that, but we'll actually see for ourselves who the best filmmaker truly is. Who works with actors the best, or knows how to maintain their sanity under extreme pressure. I want to see them fight, bicker, throw things at the wall. After all, this is reality television -- what good is the show if no one breaks down, threatens to walk off the show or gets rushed to the hospital?

6) Find guest judges that aren't just there to plug their upcoming movie

Michael Bay sat there like he wanted to shoot himself, and I wanted to shoot him for it. Not only that, but he (like Brett Ratner) is the wrong guy to give advice. "You stretched your two minute movie into a three minute movie." Oh, really Michael. Well, you've built an entire career stretching one-hour stories in three-hour epics. Did Pearl Harbor really have to be 184 friggin' minutes? And why is Michael Bay judging a slew of three-minute comedies? Each week should carry a theme, and each guest judge should be chosen based on that theme. I know Spielberg is calling in a lot of favors for this one, but c'mon. If you want my advice, here's what they should really do ...

7) Drop everyone and have Garry Marshall host the show by himself

He's the only reason I tune in each week; the guy has more one-liners than Andrew Dice Clay -- except, Marshall is actually funny. He's a great filmmaker who's been around the block more than a few times, and comes equipped with more knowledge than 150 Brett Ratners combined. He's personable, entertaining -- he's the kind of guy you want to invite over for dinner ... every single night. Heck, I wouldn't mind them ditching the entire show for an hour worth of Garry Marshall war stories. As it stands right now, something like that would be a lot more entertaining than what's currently being shoveled down our throats every Monday Wednesday Tuesday night.

[tpfkabi]

what do you think?

Marty Martin

=

annoying

or

ambitious

or

________(fill in the blank)

?

[Tictacbk]

what do you think?

Marty Martin

=

annoying

or

ambitious

or

________(fill in the blank)

?

I'm still waiting for him to make a film not a trailer.