Things you'd never want to hear in movie trailers

[Alethia]

"when you lead two different lives, with two different wives, two different homes, two different jobs, two different sets of kids, two different dogs, sometimes its tough to remember where you put your fucking car keys."

haha, i would love to hear that.

[RegularKarate]

-"a Joel Schumacher Film"
-"a Guy Ritchie Film"
-"in the spirit of Ishtar"

[NEON MERCURY]

-
-"a Guy Ritchie Film"

..did swept away cause this..or have you always not like his films?????

[Ravi]

"Quentin Tarantino is.... Quentin Tarantino in "Quentin Tarantino: a life in video stores." written, produced, lit, edited, costumed, scored, desgined, packaged, printed, distributed, and directed by Quentin Tarantino.

Is that Robert Rodriguez's influence on Tarantino?

"Adam Sandler..."

"Michael Bay"

"You loved the internet forum, now experience XIXAX: The Movie"

"God Damn I'm The Man has to try to save his family.  But only if he can stop creaming his pants for 48 hours."

"Don't die, goddamnit!"

"Noooooooooooo!!!!"

"It's payback time."

[Cecil]

"this time, its personal"

also a thing i hate seeing in trailers these days is when everything builds and builds and builds, then theres the title of the movie, then some long, quiet shot, then a scare (like the new alien trailer and... well theyre all like that now)

[RegularKarate]

-
"a Guy Ritchie Film"

..did swept away cause this..or have you always not like his films?????

I'm sure you can find my opinion on this hack somewhere on this site.

[ElPandaRoyal]

I'm sure you can find my opinion on this hack somewhere on this site.

oooohhh....... c'mon now...... "Lock, Stock..." and Snatch were great. Didn't bother to see Swept Away yet... Not a big Madonna fan, especially her acting (?!).

[Cecil]

"the ending will BLOW.. YOU... AWAY"

[Raikus]

FIRE!

[Sigur Rós]

"God Damn I'm The Man has to try to save his family.  But only if he can stop creaming his pants for 48 hours."

There will be no happy ending in this one.

[Ghostboy]

From The Novel By Nicholas Sparks...

[pete]

"...and this is the shocking twist that happens in the end which I will reveal right now..."

[coffeebeetle]

"From the writer/director of Manos the Hands of Fate comes a riveting and seductive tale of flatulents, cheap beer and mechanics...starring Mickey O'Rourke as Greasy Wrench, that pissed off dog from Cabin Fever as Fluffy the Wonder Bitch, and Kathy Bates in her most seductive role to date:Blown Gasket!"

[Find Your Magali]

"From the writer/director of Manos the Hands of Fate comes a riveting and seductive tale of flatulents, cheap beer and mechanics...starring Mickey O'Rourke as Greasy Wrench, that pissed off dog from Cabin Fever as Fluffy the Wonder Bitch, and Kathy Bates in her most seductive role to date:Blown Gasket!"

How about a trailer for "Hands of Darkness," the long-awaited documentary on the making of "Manos The Hands of Fate"? ...  The screen would be black, and then you'd hear that haunting theme music start up, and then cut to Torgo and the Frank Zappa-lookalike guy sitting around a table, drinking coffee and eating donuts, when somebody suddenly throws a couple of revised scripts into the middle of the table.

CUT TO:

TORGO (in his real British accent, browsing through script): Oh, bloody hell. This production is daft, I tell you. First, they give me a positively ridiculous shambling walk. Then they add the bloody prosthetic thighs, which take all morning to put on. And now, what do these damned American intellectual midgets want to do? They want him to peer lasciviously through the window at the young woman. And, look, the nitwit can't even spell lasciviously. There's no bloody "h" in it. NO BLOODY "H"!! What are we doing here, Tom?

[BEAT]

Tom?

TOM/FRANK ZAPPA LOOKALIKE: Dude, my pee was green this morning.

CUT to shot of women in flowing white dresses wrestling in the sand. Someone shouts "Cut!" and walks into the middle of them, screaming, "No, no, no, you're doing it all wrong!"

VOICEOVER: If you thought the movie was horrifying, wait until you see behind the scenes. "Hands of Darkness" ... coming soon to a theatre near you.

[Just Withnail]

A "Critics say..." ad for Gigli would be hilarious. Like when they printed a One Star review for Austin Powers 2 on the video cover here in Norway