Jack isn't there

[Recce]

I'm working with a friend of mine on a script for my first dialogue short(well, first major undertaking dialogue short), I'm thinking 15 to 22 minutes. Some of the basic ideas are a bit cliche, but here goes.
An amateur writer, I call him Jack, has preminitions about people's impending death and gets insight into their lives (he's kind of a mutant or something, it doesn't explain why or how he gets them). Now, rather then just acting crazy and stuff, as you'd come to expect, he follows the people around and learns more about their lives and develops characters from what he learns. Then he puts it into his scripts or stories. He doesn't try to stop their deaths, he believes he can't(whether that's true or not, I'm not sure yet)
I was thinking of having a bunch of Voice Overs throughout the film, but instead, I have him document everything on one of those little tape recorders. I'm thinking minimal interaction with people. He's pretty reclusive. He works as a projectionnist(reclusive enough?)
Anyone have any ideas for stuff I can put in? I have an idea for a major occurence that would drive the film, but I'm curious as to what you guys think I should do.

[Jeremy Blackman]

Some of the basic ideas are a bit cliche . . . An amateur writer . . . preminitions about people's impending death . . . he's kind of a mutant . . . he puts it into his scripts or stories . . . one of those little tape recorders

Yeah, but I think you're combining cliches in an interesting way. But I think you should add one more cliche that really doesn't belong, just to more fully make some kind of satirical statement.

[Cecil]

just a thought, but maybe not specify if his premonitions are actually true. so he might just be crazy

[SHAFTR]

Ambiguity is a good thing
Leave the view open to interpretation to if he really has powers or not.

[Recce]

Well, cause my idea was to sort of show him getting a premonition, then you see the people who he had the vision about sort of walk off towards where they might die, if its true. Ex.: There's one where a guy is supposed to get hit by a train and the last time we see him, he's walking towards a train station. So it might be that he's really going to die, or the main character might have just created a scenario in his head cause he's a fruitcake. I hadn't thought of that, though, making him look crazy. Although it might make it too much like Fight Club if I lean that way.

I'm also debating developping the main character's past a bit more. Should I add something that sort of hints the rest fo his family thinks he's crazy, or should I jsut keep his past mysterious?
What do you guys think?

[Cecil]

i would keep his past mysterious

[BonBon85]

I don't mind most of the cliches, but the projectionist thing reeks of Fight Club and I think few people can hear the word "projectionist" without thinking about it.

...Another post with little real help by me!

[Ghostboy]

I think it's a great idea, and I also think the more ambiguous the better! I actually don't see too many cliches in your synopsis...I mean, when you think about it, ever story has been done to death (perhaps yours could be considered reminsicent of The Dead Zone). The important thing is just giving a new spin on it.

I didn't immediately think of fight club when you mentioned his being a projectionist. But if the character's day job isn't 100% necessary to the story, you might make it more concise by leaving it out. Of course, this judgement is purely based on the short synopsis you gave, so it might be completely necessary. I've lately become obsessed with making things shorter, mainly because I think my own short film is, at 20 minutes, far too long.

[Redlum]

I have seen this before to some extent on The X Files. Which opened with a guy running upto a person at a bust stop and telling the exact time they would die. Then after he'd left they got hit by the bus.

What would be really great with your idea is that, rather than being a super hero and saving people, is he could occasionaly flat out tell them just for the kicks he gets out of hearing their reactions. This idea also leaves idea for the theory that he is actually crazy.

I agree with Ghost Boy, the short film that I've made i feel is far too long at 18 minutes, so I'd say be concious of keeping things interesting.

Also, I think the best film ever to deal with death was FLATLINERS.

[Recce]

he could occasionaly flat out tell them just for the kicks he gets out of hearing their reactions. This idea also leaves idea for the theory that he is actually crazy.

Well, one of the original ideas was to have him be some psycho who gets kicks out of meeting people who are going to die, but I later changed it so that he's a writer and he develops characters out of the people he meets. But I could make it a bit of both. He resents the rest of society so not only does he not feel remorse for these people, but he believes they deserve it. Plus, by getting their reaction, it would give him more insight into what kinda people they are, which would solidify his reasons for following them. It would make him look more like a nut job, too.

I didn't immediately think of fight club when you mentioned his being a projectionist. But if the character's day job isn't 100% necessary to the story, you might make it more concise by leaving it out.

As for the post about the projectionnist thing, I've kinda made it intricate to the story. Most of the character development that's offered is in the projection booth, where everything is dark and he's all alone. He kinda acts like a hermit when he's up there, sort of skulking around in the dark and spying on people from above as they sit, waiting for their movie to start.(Plus I can get the location and it would allow for some cool montages).

As for the length, the thing is I want it to be more of a story then a short film based purely on a message. Now, the major occurence that I'm thinking should lead the story is this: Usually, he has to be in close proximity of the people he gets preminitions from, but throughout the film, he gets dream visions about this young suicidal girl. At first, he blows it off, but it happens again. As it goes on, he gets more and more obsessed with her and what it means until he finally decides he has to find her. Eventually, either purely by accident or with the help of some of his dream visions, he does find her. But when he meets her, there's nothing special about her(other then she's suicidal). So he's pretty disappointed and he's wondering why the hell she was different. This is where I find it's pretty weak. Either, he just leaves her to kill herself, or he tries to save her, but fails. As it stands, I'm going for him just leaving her.

Anyone have any ideas what else I can do?

[Redlum]

As it stands, I'm going for him just leaving her.

Anyone have any ideas what else I can do?

Have him save her. I think a sad ending would kind of suck. I dont think there's enough time in a short to make that kind of thing poignant. Plus it doesn't really add anything knew to the characters situation. I know PTA has said 'small changes' '5 degree turns' as opposed to 180, but in this case I think you can still have a happy ending without being sugary. Otherwise, whats changed for this guy? There has to be something new for him, even if its a vague sense of optimism.

Maybe you can flip it, and she saves him. I just like the potential for some dark comedy in this idea.

[Recce]

Maybe you can flip it, and she saves him. I just like the potential for some dark comedy in this idea.

Hey, that's not a bad idea: She saves him. But in what ways does he need to be saved?

As for the dark comedy thing, yeah, for sure. He's kind of geeky, in a sort of Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver type of way. But also, his reactions to certain situations, I'm thinking, will be funny. For example, at one point he's taking notes on a guy on his tape recorder. The guy hears him and confronts him. The guy gets pissed and walks off towards his impending death. The main character goes: "Special note...Be less conspicuous".

[Redlum]

But in what ways does he need to be saved?

Well he clearly has issues. Wasted talent?

The guy gets pissed and walks off towards his impending death. The main character goes: "Special note...Be less conspicuous".

Thats great.

[Cecil]

he follows the people around and learns more about their lives and develops characters from what he learns.

that sounds too much like "the following." maybe if he just stalks these people to try to find out a little about their lives (where they live, where they work) before theyre about "to die" and finds this amusing, then that would also work for the ending of the girl saving him from this weird obsession he has.

[Recce]

I put together a quick character biographyon the main character, Jack. Obviously, this is a very rough idea of some of the possibilities, but I think it kind of works. What do you guys think?

Jack is a young man of 22 years. Rather intelligent, more in a problem solving sense, as opposed to book smart. He was always fairly small for his age. As a child, he always thought he would grow out of it, but he is still a slight man, to this day. Other then that, however, he was like any other boy, obsessed with Ninja Turtles and comic books. Today, however, his life is not quite what he would have hoped. This would bother him, if only he cared anymore. His anti-social and volatile behavior has caused him to withdraw from any real interaction with the rest of society.

When he first started High School, Jack did rather well. His grades were promising and he had many friends. It was at the age of 14, however, that he started talking about quite a bit about death. He was expelled from school after he approached a substitute teacher and told her she was going to die in the near future. Obviously, she did not take the news well. Three days later, the same substitute died in a suspicious fire at her home. The police questioned him, but no evidence was found to implicate him.

As Jack grew older, he finally came to understand what was happening to him. He claimed he had visions about peoples impending deaths, and that these visions were becoming more detailed. He could pinpoint the day in which it would happen. However, he was never able to prove his claims, as he was always shot down and told to be quiet. His parents, fearing some mental illness, committed him to the care of a psychologist. After many harrowing tests, both psychological and physical, he was released back into his parents care. After that, he stopped talking about his visions altogether, but he was never really the same. A few years later, when Jack was 18, he had a premonition about his parents. The next day, they were both killed in a car accident.  Unbeknownst even to himself if it was in reaction to some twisted resentment towards his family, or simply a fear of starting the circle all over again, Jack had kept his vision to himself. Now convinced his premonitions were true, Jack cut all ties with the rest of his family, including his older sister, Julie, who had been his only real friend through his isolation. He moved away and began working a series of dead-end jobs, most recent of which, working as a projectionist. It is in the serene darkness of this job that Jack felt the most comfortable. It is also there, left with many hours with nothing to do, that he discovered he had a love for writing. A love, perhaps, but also a lack of imagination. It wasn't until several months later, after having written a few good, but rather thin short stories, that he came across inspiration in the form of an elderly woman. She surprised and cornered him, asking him several questions about the weather and cats and something about her grandchildren.
He was ready to blow her off when, just then, he had a premonition. This old woman, sweat against all odds, was going to be raped and murdered a few days later. This got Jack's creative juices flowing. It was when the old woman was talking about her husband's dentures that it came to him: A story, based around this sweet woman and, consequently, the futility of life. He quickly ran home, leaving her in mid-sentence, and started writing furiously. Several hours later, he stopped, having created his best story yet. Somehow, through someone else's misfortunes, he had been given insight into a world of ideas otherwise closed to him. Why or how, he could not explain it. The next day, Jack called in sick to work and went on a long walk across the city, looking for another unfortunate soul. He found two that day and, as before, two interesting and profound stories emerged. Since then, Jack has dedicated his off hours to finding these people. He came to embrace his 'gift', never once even trying to help them. He had learned his lesson well the first time around. This time, he would be the one to judge. He would not allow himself to be poked and prodded again.

Over the years, his sister has made a few attempts at contacting him. They even had dinner once, which ended in an all out screaming match. They had both changed very much, and she was not exactly happy to hear about his new pass-time. She begged him to see a therapist once again, but he wouldn't have it. It has been two years, and they have not spoken since, only sending the odd holiday or birthday card.

He recently began developing many of what he considers his best stories into a script titled: "The Suicide Club". This tells the tale of a group of men who meet every month and exchange stories about people whom they encouraged to commit suicide. Not exactly Mother Goose, but he is very excited about this project, often sacrificing sleep for that extra scene. Where the story goes, only time will tell.