a short script- untitled

[©brad]

little help on a short script for a screenwriting class-

okie dokie, meet Margaret, a late 40s single mom/school teacher. She has three kids, all of whom attend the same high school. Sweet, loving, caring, she'll do anything for her kids. She hasn't bought new clothes in 10 years, she's incredibly intelligent. However she's very insecure and a bit lonely. She hasn't had sex since she was married and conceived her last kid.

David is the oldest son, a senior in high school and a linebacker for the school football team. Heated pressure from recruits from different colleges have David playing on an injured leg that may cause permanent damage. A fellow teammate introduces him to steroids that begin to take their toll on his health and mental state.

Samantha, or Sam, is the middle child, probably junior or sophomore. Sam is incredibly jealous of her other girlfriends, mostly spoiled rich girls who get everything they want. Since her mom is a teacher, she really can't afford all the cool clothes/cell phone/car/etc. She is a stress-aholic when it comes to school. College applications and final exams have her so stressed she is nearly sick to her stomach.  

Tyler, the youngest, freshman, has little interest in school, although he's probably one of the smartest kids around. He's incredibly shy unless he's with his family or his two best friends. He's a closet homosexual, although you couldn't tell by looking at him. He spends most of his time hitting golf balls in his backyard, smoking bowls and downloading Widespread shows onto his computer.

Lisa is mid 30s, a teacher at the same high school, and best friends with Margaret. Because of an early divorce she is somewhat comfortable financially. She is sexy as hell, looks 10 years younger than she does. Smart, sometimes cold, witty, sarcastic- (think a combination of Sharon Stone meets Elaine from the last few seasons of Seinfeld) Lisa is the connoisseur of one night stands. She is sexually aggressive and has little interest in any long-term relationships.

SO- what happens. Well, Margaret struggles greatly of being a teacher and trying to support three children. Money gets so bad that she is forced to get a part-time job at a department store at nights to make ends meet, a task that is somewhat humiliating and exhausting- teaching at day, working at night, cooking late night, grading papers through the early morning. She also finds a rather large lump in her breast, which develops into a serious case of breast cancer. Lisa's sexual escapades are fucking with her head. She starts drinking more than she did as a sorority girl. She also develops a sexual crush on one of her students and has many of drunken erotic fantasies about him.

The kids- well David and Sam both fall down similar high school stress paths. Tyler's sexual curiosity leads him to the internet to secretly meet another gay kid. Little do they know that two other kids who dislike Tyler very much follow Tyler and spy on him. They see him kissing this dude and decide to take pictures, photocopying them and putting them up on every locker at school. This leads him to a suicide attempt.

-okay, I know what you're thinking. I've pretty much taken every coming-of-age story cliché known to man and rolled it up into one story. Well, yeah, but for two reasons. First off, this is for a class and not something I am writing on free will- we are suppose to concentrate more on characters and setting rather than plot structure and what not. Two, I am constantly told by writing teachers to keep it simple, that too many beginning writers make things just too damn complicated (plot wise). We are not expected to write anything revolutionary here, I have no real interest in being completely "original" cause I don't think its really possible to be original, is it?

Any help/advice on structure for this menace idea would be great. I have written a bunch of other stuff, but really want to write something personal, and my mom is a teacher and I know what the teacher's life is like. I just want to capture an 'honest' portrayal of school life of parents and kids. This is what i think Richard Linklater did so well with Dazed and Confused, and even Animal House to an extent- even though its slapstick, there is a honesty or authenticity to those movies that when you watch them, you totally relate to them.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. any help would be great. (Also, thinking of titles. I kind of like "School Days"- very simple. but, uhh, talk about blatant rip-offing- "School Daze"- a film by Spike Lee)

[Ghostboy]

There's a lot of potentially great stuff in your synopsis, but I think what you have is enough material for a feature film -- or two, even. If you want to keep it short and simple, you might try getting rid of one of  the subplots...my immediate pick from what you've put up would be the one about the gay son, which I think would sink easily into cliche if not given appropriate attention. The others are a bit more ambiguous.

I think the focus should definitely remain on the mother, with all the other subplots helping to develop her character. Her character definitely seems the strongest, judging by the synopsis. Maybe she should discover the lump in the very first scene, and then you can slowly reveal all her other problems after that...it would save the script from becoming a variation of Job, where she is stricken by consistently greater tragedies, one after another.

Are you going to post the script here when you've completed it?

[©brad]

I may post a little bit of it, but it would probably be too long to put in the thread. I'll email some of it to u and get your thoughts, appreciate it.  

[bonanzataz]

email it to xixax and i'm sure he'll host it. I'd like to read it. I like the characters and agreed with all of Ghost Boy's suggestions.