ok. i think i'm ready.
i'd like to start off by apologizing to those who asked me for the
copy of the script i had. i'm not sure exactly where it is and
obviously cannot redownload it, but i'm sorry for not getting back
to you guys.
so i've had huge problems with attempting to review this film.
i'm not really sure exactly how i feel about it, so maybe by the
end of this i will come to some kind of conclusion.
my gut reaction is that i hate it, but i'd like to dissect why i
do, because i really hate disliking a tarantino film.
he's the pulp fiction guy, he made reservoir dogs, he's one of the
most admired and ripped off and icon filmmakers of our time. you
have certain expectations when you go into one of his films. not
like scorsese or fincher or whoever where you know they're amazing
filmmakers but anything could happen, good or bad. this is one of
those guys where you have a fairly solid idea of whats going to go
down, how its going to look, certain signatures of the mans style.
this felt like tarantino fan fiction, by the man himself.
what surprised me was that i had already read the script, already
knew what was going to happen, that it had already been written out
and structured, BUT it still felt like a fucking freestyle randomly
written on the fly piece of static bullshit.
"you have a letter from lincoln?"
"of the united states?"
"what does that mean?"
i mean, jesus fucking christ. this is a man whose dialogue heavy
films made every other director in the nineties ejaculate in their
pants and attempt to recreate it. the dialogue in this film is so
boring and stretched out and completely uncreative.
the blowjob story is obviously supposed to be the watch story, the
explanation of the bible verse, the radio station bet from death
proof, the conversation with the french dude in basterds, and it
failed immensely. it felt like the most half assed, half handed,
pathetic attempt at an iconic moment. and it really genuinely
angered me. this man is a very intelligent writer, and i felt
how is it that he can almost effortlessly create
these fascinating conversations that implant themselves eternally
into our culture and then come up with some bullshit about sucking
dick? i mean seriously who gives a fuck?
he's creating these characters without even knowing what he's going
to do with them.
"yeah lets have bruce dern be there. why? well he's part of the
story. lets make him have a past with this one guy. which one? i
dont know we'll figure it out. and then later we'll explain why
he's there. we'll make it work. trust me."
"so why doesn't he just kill those other guys? well, we'll make it
so he needs to not kill them.
why would he trust that guy? he's obviously not trusting. well
we'll make it so maybe he trusts them kind of even though he's
willing to kill anyone that interferes."
and who the fuck is this bob guy? he is hands down the most boring
mexican of all fucking time. and he looks like and sounds like a fucking white guy.
i was legimitately confused, i thought it was a joke, like oh we're gonna have this one guy pretend to be mexican and one pretend to be british, kind of thing. but no, he was just awkward and horrible and had zero personality.
the bartender in pulp fiction had more personality and believability in his less than ten minute scene than half the actors in this three hour long piece of shit.
these characters are so confusing. why
in gods name are they doing this elaborate story?
"yeah we're gonna come to this place and kill everyone there in
cold blood to save this chick but the one guy that has her we're
just going to do this long weird fiction that ends up with him dead
anyway even though we've had a million opportunities to just kill
him and take the chick."
in the very beginning we establish that the main characters are willing to kill no matter what to accomplish their business. so why in the fuck does this story even exist? and vice fucking versa!!! why don't the gang just fucking kill them the second they pull in?!?!
it seriously makes no sense. who gives a fuck about anything that
happens in this movie? why is he not making us care? how did he
make us care so much about all of his other characters in his other
films but with his latest he just creates these empty vapid people
who have no purpose or value?
and what the fuck is up with people mispronouncing names?
is that supposed to be funny? because it's really just annoying and
stupid. marquis is pronounced motherfucking mar kee and domergue is
not pronounced goddamn dahmer goo. if it's supposed to be cute or
westerny or whatever, it fucking failed. everytime they say each
others names wrong i feel like i'm watching a little kid pretend to
be a filmmaker.
the whole four passengers sequence was obviously qt figuring out he
wrote himself into a corner and trying to make the best of it.
i've seen it three times now, rewatching soon, i'm really hoping that i can eventually enjoy it, but i am absolutely shocked at how much you guys liked it.