A Set I did at the hollywood improv:
I liked how the emcee rubbed down the mic with a tissue after.
This was a solid set, you should be proud. The bit about rap was a bit unresolved, and I felt you could've ended with a more solid joke (like the joke about getting your mom tested). But there was some really good stuff in here. I loved the casual way you pulled out your notes and said "Okay, moving on…" That came off so subtly self-deprecating in an authentically humorous way.
I used to do standup for a short while... Not long enough to get really good at it, and really find my voice, but long enough to make a lot of great relationships with other comics who always phone me up to run over there set with me and get criticism, and your set easily stands up with all of them, so good job. Some of your freak-outs on stage are golden; figure out a way to run with that without it getting too annoying.
Good luck and don't give up, you've got a talent for this.
EDIT: Also wish that I could still view the original videos at the start of this thread. Seems they must've been mostly awful, and I love me some awfully awkward standup. Glad to see you seem to have improved though.