I first come up with the idea watching Magnolia for the 3943rd time. And while I was watching it and it kept cutting from one interconnecting story the to next I realized "Holy Shit! This story structure would be incredible for a superhero film."
When I first started writing this script, I thought "Hey, maybe I creating a new subgenre." But then I realized Unbreakable was the first Superhero Drama. Anyways, this was an ambitious project for me. The script is 180 pages, still unfinished. I wrote down 4 Pargraphs at the end of the script with alternate endings.
I was hesitant to post his at first, But then I thought this script will absolutely never be produced. It's a three hour long superhero drama with original characters that don't have a fanbase. That holds up a red flag for just about every single producer in Hollywood. The only way this could ever get made is if I became Stanley Kubrick or something.
But yeah, I'd just like everyone's opinion on the script. It's the first draft. So bare with me. Any and all comments are welcome. If you think it just flat out sucks, seriously tell me.
http://dml.nightly.net/scripts/epiloguefirstdraft.txt
(https://xixax.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffiles.onomatopoeia.biz%2Fbelding.jpg&hash=3b085b1c6f1250881adce0bba61ec6743d168739)
Hey, hey, hey, HEY, HEY! WHAT is going on in here?!
Wow.
POSSIBLE ENDINGS:
ENDING ONE: You set your screenplay on fire.
ENDING TWO: You stop watching Magnolia.
ENDING THREE: You put down the comic book and pick up an actual book.
ENDING FOUR: You consider another career.
ENDING FIVE: YOU WRITE A FUCKING ENDING.
Hey, thanks for the constructive criticism.
I love Weak2ndAct's reaction to these scripts. It's so cut and dry and scathing and true at the same time. I'm not being sarcastic.
Pay no attention to the pricks. However, there's no way you should post the entire screenplay spanning 6 posts. Put it up as .txt or .html and link it in your post. It's too overwhelming as it's presented now.
Quote from: Gamblor Ain'tWorthADollarI love Weak2ndAct's reaction to these scripts. It's so cut and dry and scathing and true at the same time. I'm not being sarcastic.
How could it be true if he hasn't read it? Did I rip off Magnolia? No. I used that and P.T. Anderson as an inspiration. I used the story structure. Which last time I checked wasn't exclusive to Magnolia. Jesus Christ, at least read part of the script before start throwing out your useless opinion.
dont worry, BC, your script is a masterpiece.. we all love it and it's the greatest piece of work in the history of scripts 6 posts long.
you guys are a bunch of assholes. chill the fuck out. dude wrote a screenplay that obviously took some time, give him props cause thats a major feat. he's writing, you guys are still on xixax. I didn't read it, but good job writing however good or bad it may be, keep on trucking, and don't get run over, cause you're 6 pages wheelin.
Quote from: Gamblor Ain'tWorthADollarI love Weak2ndAct's reaction to these scripts. It's so cut and dry and scathing and true at the same time. I'm not being sarcastic.
Funny you should say that, a friend has recently started calling me 'LCD,' which stands for Lowest Common Denominator. He says that no matter what the situation, I always cut to the cruel, simple truth as fast as possible.
Post your work online, you open yourself up.
And Stefen: move along now, we'll call you when we need to figure out efficient methods for stealing shit we don't need.
Quote from: Weak2ndAct
I always cut to the cruel, simple truth as fast as possible.
If you didn't read the script, your comments are far from the truth. Infact, they're baseless insults that are pretty much useless to everyone. If you could intelligently explain why something sucks, then do it. Otherwise quit throwing out pseudo-witty insults just to get yourself attention.
Quote from: Weak2ndAct
Post your work online, you open yourself up.
Yeah, no shit. That's why I posted it.
Quote from: Weak2ndAct
The more you watch, the more you know. READ EVERY SCRIPT YOU CAN GET YOUR HANDS ON. I cannot emphasize this enough.
Why don't you take to heart your own words and not be so quick to judge?
Quote from: B.C. LongIf you didn't read the script, your comments are far from the truth. Infact, they're baseless insults that are pretty much useless to everyone. If you could intelligently explain why something sucks, then do it. Otherwise quit throwing out pseudo-witty insults just to get yourself attention.
I can get very specific if you like: your script lacks the basic things that draw in readers, like character descriptions (oh, he's THE ZEALOT, he's THE VICE, thanks, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about!) or any sense of time and/or place-- which 'the Incredibles' masterfully pulls off, for instance. If you're interested in a revisionist-style superhero movie, that's a pretty hard act to follow. Stop using F-Bombs every other sentence. There are other ways of acheiving 'realistic/gritty' sounding dialogue. People yelling things out like 'Help me stop raping' do not help. I really couldn't stomach much of it (since there's no page count, who knows how far I got), and when I saw that you had written SO MUCH and still don't have any idea how to end this opus... dude, shit or get off the pot. If you don't know your ending, do you even know what your movie is about, or what you're trying to say???
Quote from: B.C. LongQuote from: Weak2ndActPost your work online, you open yourself up.
Yeah, no shit. That's why I posted it.
Let me add something: you've never posted at this site before this disasterous thread, yet expect some constructive feedback and a heap of our time.
Quote from: B.C. LongQuote from: Weak2ndActThe more you watch, the more you know. READ EVERY SCRIPT YOU CAN GET YOUR HANDS ON. I cannot emphasize this enough.
Why don't you take to heart your own words and not be so quick to judge?
Quote from: B.C. LongIf you think it just flat out sucks, seriously tell me.
B.C. Long, welcome. Hope you stick around and realize the better parts of this board.
Don't listen to the few here who gave you shit for really no reason. There are people here who have lost their initial enthusiam to talk about movies and just spend their time looking for things to ridicule. Some people stop posting when they really aren't into movies anymore, but some people leech onto this board because it can compensate for a social life. Its actually pretty sad when there's little positivity in it.
Quote from: Weak2ndAct
Stop using F-Bombs every other sentence. There are other ways of acheiving 'realistic/gritty' sounding dialogue.
So droping F-Bombs every other sentence is exclusive only to Tarantino and P.T. Anderson. Gotcha.
Quote from: Weak2ndActPeople yelling things out like 'Help me stop raping' do not help.
It's an info-commercial, intended to sound stupid and cheesy.
Quote from: Weak2ndAct
I really couldn't stomach much of it (since there's no page count, who knows how far I got), and when I saw that you had written SO MUCH and still don't have any idea how to end this opus... dude, shit or get off the pot. If you don't know your ending, do you even know what your movie is about, or what you're trying to say???
Dude. I did 4 hours of research at Borders and wrote character studies for this script. I wrote an outline and then about 10 pages of random notes. I had a rough general idea of how the script was going to end. But I wasn't clear on the details. One of my characters, Maryl Steinberg (The Prodigy) for example is based on Betty Grable who is an actress from the 30s that represented the American Dream and the perfectionistic qualities of a beautiful America Cherry Pie Persona.
Quote from: Weak2ndAct
Let me add something: you've never posted at this site before this disasterous thread, yet expect some constructive feedback and a heap of our time.
If you don't want to read the script, then don't. I posted it here because this fucking forum is called "Brainstorming and Feedback". If I've made a gross mistake in posting my script, I'm terribly sorry. But when I read the description "Post your script ideas or finished screenplays here for review and discussion." I ASSUMED that just maybe that's what would actually happen. I seem to be mistaken.
Quote from: B.C. LongBut when I read the description "Post your script ideas or finished screenplays here for review and discussion." I ASSUMED that just maybe that's what would actually happen. I seem to be mistaken.
i guess so. based on the extreme length, its more than just some idea you want feedback on. and based on the multiple endings you're contemplating, its not a finished script either. maybe pick a direction/ending and then you'll actually have a script with some sort of payoff worthy of review..
QuoteIf you don't know your ending, do you even know what your movie is about, or what you're trying to say???
so theres your feedback.